FADE IN:

EXT. GENERIC CITY

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE narrates about the STATE OF THE WORLD. He is BARECHESTED, so the LADIES know he's a GOOD GUY.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Genetic engineering has allowed everyone to stop aging past 25 and practically live forever. The same applies to the world itself, since this retro future-past looks exactly like the world of today, except cars look more boxy and make swooshy sounds.

DIRECTOR ANDREW NICCOL

Yes, I straight copied over the art direction from Gattaca and saved a buck or two.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

You both wrote and directed this too? Are you again using science-fiction as an excuse to exaggerate a contemporary political or societal issue?

DIRECTOR ANDREW NICCOL

Copied that over as well. This time, I took the current problems with wealth distribution and economic inequality and basically institutionalised them. All those who age past 25 will drop dead on the spot unless they pay for their time. With time. Time is money ha ha!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

The entire script is going to be riddled with clever wordplays and figures of speech involving "time", isn't it?

DIRECTOR ANDREW NICCOL

Let's get to the movie! There's no time to waste!

EVERYONE

Groan.

INT. SHITTY APARTMENT

JUSTIN lives with his MOTHER, who is OLIVIA WILDE, which makes everybody forget that he LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Don't worry, honey -- I mean, mom! Soon we'll get out of this destitute existence of literally living day to day and move to the rich part of town.

OLIVIA WILDE

Thanks for the empty promise, SON. And would you stop dancing around with me and touching my face so much? Even if I was the 50-year old woman that I technically am, that would still be kind of creepy. Come to think, that would be even more creepy.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Come on, you're Olivia Wilde! I'm trying my hardest here not to act like you're my smoking hot girlfriend.

OLIVIA WILDE

It looks like you're trying your hardest not to act at all!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

I'm sorry, did you even see The Social Network? Various critics praised my performance!

OLIVIA WILDE

Yes, they praised your performance as a cocky little snot. I'm not sure that required a great deal of acting on your part.

INT. BAR

JUSTIN goes out for a DRINK with his FRIEND, JOHNNY GALECKI.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Hey Johnny, you're looking very scruffy today. Doing your best to make people forget the image that The Big Bang Theory has created of you, eh?

JOHNNY GALECKI

Beats the image you're trying to ditch, curly.

MATT BOMER enters the BAR and starts BUYING DRINKS for EVERYONE. This attracts the attention of ASSHOLE DICKHEAD ALEX PETTYFER.

ALEX PETTYFER

I am a Minuteman, which means I steal time left and right! You seem to have a lot of it, hand it over.

MATT BOMER

What's with the British dandy look? Is that supposed to be threatening?

ALEX PETTYFER

I'm Alex Fucking Pettyfer, I can't not be pretty.

MATT BOMER

Just give me a second there, Beastly.

MATT goes to the BATHROOM, where JUSTIN gets him OUT. They hide in an ABANDONED FACTORY.

MATT BOMER

I'm 105 years old and I've got another century's worth of time on my clock. And I'm so sick of it all. I've got a bad case of existential ennui.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Dude, it doesn't even matter that time is money now, you're still a rich guy who bitches about his riches.

MATT BOMER

That's the thing, there's more than enough time to go around. The rich are actively manipulating the system so they keep all the wealth while the poor keep dying.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

So? That's basically how the world has always worked. We're now just constantly reminded of our mortality thanks to these bioluminescent stopwatches on all our arms.

MATT BOMER

Yeah, but the rich are also being incredibly smug about it now.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

THOSE BASTARDS MUST PAY!

MATT BOMER

Now I'll give all my time to you as soon as you fall asleep.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Hang on, let me just read some more of the script.

(nods off instantly)

MATT gives all his TIME to JUSTIN and then DIES in a way that makes it look as if JUSTIN killed him.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Gee thanks.

EXT. SHITTY APARTMENT

JUSTIN goes back to see JOHNNY GALECKI.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

That guy from the bar gave me all his time. He said that the rich are hoarding it so they can live forever.

JOHNNY GALECKI

Whatever! It's one guy spouting the most average of conspiracy theories. You're just going to take his word for it?

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

But he had a century's worth of time to his name!

JOHNNY GALECKI

A very rich conspiracy nut is still a conspiracy nut.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

If I give you ten years, would you stop using reason to shoot down the plot's inciting incident?

JOHNNY GALECKI

Ten years? Holy fuck! Honey, I'm going out for a drink!

JUSTIN goes to meet OLIVIA. Because BUS PRICES have gone up, she can't pay the FARE.

OLIVIA WILDE

I'll never make it! Won't anyone take pity on me?

The other BUS PASSENGERS look away.

OLIVIA WILDE

Whoa, who are the real douchebags here? Maybe the rich people have a right to look down on us.

OLIVIA is forced to RUN towards JUSTIN. Her TIME runs out and she COLLAPSES in his ARMS.

OLIVIA WILDE

Well, I don't suppose I can expect you to believably grieve over my death, right?

Channelling that time he DROPPED HIS ICE CREAM in the SAND, JUSTIN starts BLUBBERING like a LITTLE GIRL.

OLIVIA WILDE

Jesus fucking Christ.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Oh come off it. The entire cast is made up of twentysomethings! There's not enough acting experience between all of us to amount to a single Oscar.

OLIVIA WILDE

Not just twentysomethings, but handsome twentysomethings. Seriously, every single one of us could pass for a supermodel.

DIRECTOR ANDREW NICCOL

Your genetics are engineered!

OLIVIA WILDE

Oh right.

(dies)

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Wait, now I have both an accurate grasp on the current level of social injustice and a personal way in which it affected my life. I guess that means I must rise up and fight!

JUSTIN orders a LIMO and goes into the RICH PART OF TOWN.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Whoa, I just spent two years getting through all the checkpoints.

LIMO DRIVER

Yeah, that scene did seem to drag on.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

No, I mean it literally cost me two years. I really was leading my mother on. Oh well, I'll do all the stuff I promised her on my own then.

(eats three lobsters stuffed with caviar)

This one's for you, mom.

INT. MANSION

JUSTIN attends a PARTY thrown by VINCENT KARTHEISER.

VINCENT KARTHEISER

(smug as a bug in a rug)

After a long day of constantly showing haughty disdain for the lowly commoner, I like to have a game of poker. Would you care to join me? We are playing Texas Hold 'em, of course. After Casino Royale, there is no other form.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

My God, your smugness is through the roof! Matt Bomer was right!

JUSTIN goes ALL IN and beats VINCENT'S THREE OF A KIND with a STRAIGHT. He collects his WINNINGS only SECONDS before his TIME runs out.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

That was an insane risk I took there. Good thing I knew I was going to win.

VINCENT KARTHEISER

What? You were literally betting your entire life away before you got your winning straight on the river. There was no way you could've known.

AMANDA SEYFRIED enters.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

And who is this lovely creature?

VINCENT KARTHEISER

That's my horrible mother-in-law. No wait, it's my daughter! That always happens!

AMANDA SEYFRIED

Hello, Justin. I'm a privileged young woman who's led a secluded and sterile life.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Allow me to seduce you with the promise of adventure! Want to go for a swim out in the bay?

AMANDA SEYFRIED

No way, that's too dangerous!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Relax, it's just a little swim. You're acting like I asked you to go Russian skydiving.

AMANDA SEYFRIED

What's that?

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

It's like regular skydiving, except you pack your chute drunk.

JUSTIN and AMANDA go SKINNY DIPPING while VINCENT shows more HAUGHTY DISDAIN. When they RETURN, CILLIAN MURPHY and TWO FELLOW COPS have arrived.

CILLIAN MURPHY

I am a Timekeeper, which means I keep time I guess. You are being charged with Matt Bomer's murder, Justin. I'm confiscating all your time.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Whoa, is that even legal?

CILLIAN MURPHY

Dude, people transfer time between each other with a simple handshake. It's hard to not do anything illegal with that.

CILLIAN leaves JUSTIN with ONLY A FEW HOURS. JUSTIN then beats up the TWO FELLOW COPS and takes AMANDA HOSTAGE.

CILLIAN MURPHY

Let her go!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

No, it's okay! She wants some adventure in her life!

JUSTIN drives off with AMANDA. CILLIAN chases them.

AMANDA SEYFRIED

Wait, you're a factory worker! What kind of driving skills are these?

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

The same kind of skills I used to effortlessly take out Cillian's fellow cops! Unexplained ones!

They manage to outrun CILLIAN, but then drive over a SPIKE STRIP laid down by ALEX PETTYFER. Their CONVERTIBLE crashes HORRIBLY.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

How the hell did we manage to stay in the car? Anyone who's ever played OutRun will know what happens when a convertible flips over.

ALEX PETTYFER

I don't even need an excuse for my assholish dickheadery! Could you spare all moments of your time?

EVERYONE

Groan!

ALEX steals nearly ALL OF AMANDA'S TIME and then RUNS OFF.

AMANDA SEYFRIED

Okay, when I said I wanted adventure, I didn't mean "bring me minutes away from death."

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

I just gave a whole decade to my best friend. He's sure to help us out!

JUSTIN and AMANDA go to see JOHNNY GALECKI, but learn that he DRANK himself to death.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

What the fuck! And I thought that quip about going out for a drink was just a convenient punchline to end his scene!

AMANDA SEYFRIED

We've got maybe five minutes left! What do we do now?

They manage to PAWN AMANDA'S JEWELRY for the price of TWO DAYS.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Close one!

AMANDA SEYFRIED

Yes, thank you for saving my life after repeatedly endangering it in the first place.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Now I'm going to hold you for ransom. But since I'm fighting a corrupt system, I'm going to have your dad give 1,000 years to the ghetto.

AMANDA SEYFRIED

My dad is a glorified loan shark, how is that "fighting the system?" And didn't your friend's death just demonstrate that most poor people don't know how to manage money when they suddenly get a lot of it?

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

If I kiss you, will you stop using reason to shoot down the plot's main throughline?

AMANDA SEYFRIED

Great, I wanted adventure, and I get Stockholm syndrome.

EXT. MOTEL

AMANDA learns that VINCENT did not pay the RANSOM. Then, CILLIAN tracks them down.

AMANDA SEYFRIED

STOCKHOOOOOLM!

AMANDA shoots CILLIAN. JUSTIN approaches him.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

You don't have enough time on you to make it out of the ghetto. Here, take some of mine. Saving your life ensures you'll come over to my side in the end.

CILLIAN MURPHY

Uh-huh, yeah, sure.

JUSTIN and AMANDA escape to the MOTEL.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

That didn't work. What do we do now?

AMANDA SEYFRIED

Well, it was established earlier that you worked at one of the factories that manufactures time dispensers. Maybe you can use subterfuge and social engineering to steal some of those?

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Nah, that makes entirely too much sense. Let's just rob some banks with unexplained bank robbery skills.

They drive a TRUCK straight through a TIME BANK'S FRONT WINDOW.

AMANDA SEYFRIED

Nice skills there, Clyde.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Look, we don't even need any. There's absolutely no security around here and the vault door is wide open.

After stealing lots of TIME and giving it to the POOR, the RICH counteract this by driving up the COST OF LIVING.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

The cads! What do we do now?

AMANDA SEYFRIED

We can always go and take money from my dad. He's got a whole platoon of bodyguards on him, though. We'll have to figure out a way to get close to him.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

How about I bribe my way onto his security force, despite being pretty much the most wanted man in the nation?

AMANDA SEYFRIED

I can use reason to shoot that down, but what's the point?

INT. MANSION

JUSTIN manages to get close to VINCENT and steal A MILLION YEARS from him.

VINCENT KARTHEISER

Have you ever stopped to think that some people may have accumulated their wealth through legal means? Being smug about it or linking it to social Darwinism isn't a crime. You're assuming that being rich automatically means making money off the broken backs of poor people.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Yeah, but "is it stealing if it's already stolen" is such an awesome line! Even though, you know, it is.

VINCENT KARTHEISER

In that case, I'll display a hint of tempered repentance, thereby recreating my entire character arc from Mad Men in just a few scenes.

JUSTIN and AMANDA escape, but they are CORNERED by ALEX PETTYFER.

ALEX PETTYFER

Yes, it's me again! I basically show up whenever!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

What do you want?

ALEX PETTYFER

I'm challenging you to a time fight! It's like arm wrestling, except we just grab each other's wrist and try to twist them a bit. Whoever dies first loses!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Hey Amanda, remember that earlier scene where I told you about the tactic my dad used to win these fights?

AMANDA SEYFRIED

Yeah, is that what you're going to use now?

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Just letting you know there's going to be absolutely no tension to this scene whatsoever.

JUSTIN beats ALEX and escapes with AMANDA. They distribute the MILLION YEARS to the POOR PEOPLE in the GHETTO. Then, CILLIAN MURPHY appears, because HE'S STILL IN THE MOVIE.

CILLIAN MURPHY

I'm going to kill you, Justin.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Wait a second! You're also from the ghetto, I saved your life earlier, and Vincent tried to bribe you! All good reasons for you to come over to our side!

CILLIAN MURPHY

No thanks, that kind of redemption usually means I'll end up having to die heroically to help you.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Okay, but you forgot to replenish your own time before you came here. So instead of dying heroically, you're just going to die stupidly.

CILLIAN MURPHY

Oh crap.

(dies like a putz)

AMANDA SEYFRIED

Justin, through some plot contrivance, we've each only got a minute left! We're going to die!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

The daily allowance that Cillian forgot to take for no real reason is still in his car! I'll go get it!

JUSTIN takes CILLIAN'S ALOTTED TIME and RUNS back towards AMANDA.

AMANDA SEYFRIED

WHY DO WE INSIST ON WEARING HIGH HEELS FOR RUNNING SCENES!

JUSTIN manages to transfer some TIME to AMANDA with only SECONDS to spare.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Whew! Just in time!

(beat)

Get it?

(beat)

Because of my name.

EVERYONE

GROAN!

AMANDA SEYFRIED

So what now?

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Well, robbing banks was ridiculously easy. Let's do that some more.

AMANDA SEYFRIED

That's how we're ending things? We're just going to keep up this half-assed Robin Hood shtick?

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

The point is to upset the system!

AMANDA SEYFRIED

So you're hoping to destroy an unfair system in the hopes that a better one will eventually replace it? You know, if you don't offer any useful solutions towards that end, all you're doing is complaining. And if you think about it, we need some kind of constrictive system, because there's already not enough room in the world for all the supermodel twentysomethings.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

So you're saying that the moral of this movie is: "Tax the rich more."

AMANDA SEYFRIED

Fuck no! The moral of this movie is: "This movie just cost you two hours of your life."

END