FADE IN:

EXT. SOUTH KOREA - SHORTLY AFTER THAT WHOLE TRAIN-FULL-OF-ZOMBIES THING

The ZOMBIES have overrun everything! Marine Corps Captain GANG DONG-WON tries to drive his sister JANG SO-YEON, her husband KIM DO-YOON, and their KID to safety.

JANG SO-YEON

Feels odd to be in a car and not a train. Are we going towards a train?

GANG DONG-WON

Sorry no, there's no trains in this one at all. Unless you count the one "presenting" this movie I guess. Instead we're headed towards... a boat!

KIM DO-YOON

A boat? I dunno about that, I mean, Speed 2 was on a boat. Just saying.

They see a CRASHED CAR with a DESPERATE FAMILY but despite their pleas, DONG-WON does not stop!

GANG DONG-WON

That may seem heartless but the Dad was all bloody, he might have been infected! We can't take any risks of bringing the virus on board!

They reach the BOAT and join the HUGE CROWD OF PEOPLE just STROLLING RIGHT THE FUCK ON THE BOAT ALL WILLY-NILLY NOT GETTING CHECKED FOR VIRUS IN ANY WAY, LUM TEE TUM, YEP THIS IS GONNA GO FUCKING GREAT

INT. ABOARD THE FATEFUL SHIP

DONG-WON gets everyone settled and then checks in with the crew, where he learns the boat is getting re-routed to HONG KONG.

GANG DONG-WON

Hm that's concerning, I'd better get back and tell the others. Just gotta retrace my steps... let's see, down this blood-stained hallway, turn left at the pool of guts... I don't remember there being QUITE this much blood and guts before, wonder why

(attacked by zombie!)

OH SHIT

DONG-WON shoots the ZOMBIE and races back to the room where he left the others!

JANG SO-YEON

So yeah, the kid's bit and I'm gonna hunker down and die here with him. In about two seconds all the other bit people in this room are gonna zombify and eat us, so I guess you can either join our human buffet or maybe save my husband before he rushes in here like a goddamn idiot.

DONG-WON does indeed spot KIM DO-YOON in the corridor so he RUSHES OUT and barely manages to CLOSE THE DOOR in time while using ALL HIS STRENGTH to hold back DO-YOON from throwing his life away! So you can understand why DONG-WON would feel he just sat around picking his nose while the shit went down.

INT. NEWS STUDIO

A NEWS INTERVIEW is in progress featuring two CAUCASIANS plucked from the JANUARY JONES IN X-MEN FIRST CLASS SCHOOL OF ACTING (though clearly not top of THEIR class since they use capitals and periods).

INTERVIEWER

Hello. I understand that the Train to Busan Presents Peninsula is all fucked to shit.

INTERVIEWEE

That's right. Zombies are everywhere and society is demolished. Anyone trying to get in would face a situation far more extreme than, yet still reminiscent of, Escape from New York.

INTERVIEWER

That sure sounds like a setup for a high-octane thrill-ride rollercoaster. Oops I am being eaten by a zombie. Aagh. No. No. Not my brains. Aaaaagh.

INT. DINER - HONG KONG - FOUR. YEARS. LATER.

DONG-WON and DO-YOON are on hard times, scraping by, barely able to afford some LONGER HAIR and ONE GOATEE between them.

KIM DO-YOON

You're such a piece of shit Dong-won. Did you even try? I don't think you even CONSIDERED throwing yourself into a room of zombies to be torn apart side-by-side with your doomed family, you useless fuck.

GANG DONG-WON

(sighs)

CRIME BOSS

Okay listen up I got a job for anyone currently starring in this movie! I need a team to go into the Train to Busan Presents Peninsula and find a truck full of cash, and bring it to the docks for us. In exchange we'll give you half of all the cash in the truck. WOW that sounds way too generous like we're gonna immediately murder whoever brings us the truck, but, too late now.

GANG DONG-WON

Fine, we accept. Since we have up to four mercenary slots for this guild, who's joining us? The Scoundrel? Brute? Tinkerer? The music note one we haven't unlocked yet?

CRIME BOSS

As part of the Escape from NY thing you get a cab driver, and as a nod to needing another expendable character you get this random asshole. You can also take two satellite phone tokens for this scenario.

The TEAM hops on a boat which takes them to... THE TRAIN TO BUSAN PRESENTS PENINSULA!!

EXT. INCHEON, SOUTH KOREA - NIGHT

The TEAM moves stealthily through the deserted city.

CABBIE

Remember we've established the zombies can't see at night, but still react to noise. So let's hotwire this car!

(revs engine)

Aw yeah that's better, c'mon gang! And yes, the others too.

They SEARCH for a while and spot a TRUCK! DONG-WON investigates.

GANG DONG-WON

Wrong truck, it was full of Twinkies with a note from Woody Harrelson saying please don't touch. But I did find a whole heap of zombies trapped inside a glass structure next to the main road, maybe bookmark that bit of information for later.

(winks)

They SEARCH for a while more and spot another TRUCK! DONG-WON investigates.

GANG DONG-WON

Okay this is the right truck. Licence plate matched, and more importantly it is stuffed full of heaps of cash. Like, the crime boss would probably still be happy with it even if it's technically the wrong truck.

CABBIE

Gosh we only had to check two trucks, that's a bit of luck! I mean when you think of how many delivery trucks are probably abandoned in this huge metropolitan area-

KIM DO-YOON

Well let's NOT think about that, but instead gently move the dead driver's corpse out of-

(driver is zombie! tries to chomp!)

SHIT okay probably should have anticipated that

(struggles)

(bumps horn!)

(shoves zombie out)

(zombie slams into car setting off alarm)

(wave of car alarms go off)

(zombie falls into pinball arcade, activating all games)

(toy monkey clashes cymbals together)

I am very sorry.

Thanks to the noise HORDES OF ZOMBIES appear! The group quickly drive off and appear to be safe until FLARES bombard them and they CRASH!

GANG DONG-WON

(thrown through window 50 feet down the road)

Ow.

(looks back)

Damn, Cabbie is dead! The others are being swarmed and are surely fucked! And doesn't look much better for me-

However an SUV suddenly drives up next to DONG-WON, driven by teenage girl LEE RE!

LEE RE

Come with me if you want to live! Or y'know, words to that effect.

DONG-WON hops in the back seat and they ZOOM OFF plowing through TONS OF ZOMBIES!

GANG DONG-WON

This mid-range suburban vehicle sure can take a lot of punishment. Are you at all worried about damaging-

LEE RE

Nope! And I'd brace yourself, this scene goes on for a while.

They ZOOM and SKID and SMOOSH ZOMBIES and ZOOM some more!

LEE RE

(scrolls TikTok)

Then they DRIVE REAL FAST and KNOCK ZOMBIES EVERY WHICH WAY and DRIFT and COLLECT POWER-UPS and STUNT DRIVE and CRUSH EVEN MORE ZOMBIES!

LEE RE

I'm gonna stop here before this starts to feel TOO much like watching someone play a video game. Also we're in a tunnel which apparently negates our car's ability to crush zombies.

LEE RE'S KID SISTER

That's OK! I can use my radio control car to lead them away.

(does so)

GANG DONG-WON

Damn, this tiny child has better zombie-avoidance strategies than my entire team of mercenaries did. Holy shit.

INT. GUARDED COMPOUND

Remember how you thought KIM DO-YOON and RANDOM ASSHOLE were dead? Well RANDOM ASSHOLE is, no surprise there, but DO-YOON hid in the back of the truck, now being driven into this GUARDED COMPOUND under the control of ex-military types!

KIM MIN-JAE

Yes I, your beloved Sergeant, have returned with spoils! Everyone gather round this truck as I reveal what riches are in the back, come niiice and close, y'know I probably should have checked to see if there's any zombies inside-

KIM DO-YOON

(bursting out)

Don't shoot! Not a zombie!! So, ah, since I helped find you this cash I'm your honoured guest right?

KIM MIN-JAE

Depends if you think being forced to play in our Running-Man-esque Zombie Bowl is honourable or not.

DO-YOON gets a NUMBER painted on him and is thrown along with other prisoners into the ZOMBIEBOWL, presided over by rogue military leader KOO KYO-HWAN!

KOO KYO-HWAN

Mwah ha ha, you must try to survive being trapped in a giant cage with zombies until time runs out, while we place bets! And don't think making a single-take full-court 3-point shot will save you, it's not Snake month.

INT. A HIDEOUT

Meanwhile DONG-WON has been taken to the hideout of LEE RE, her KID SISTER, and--

LEE RE

Allow me to introduce my mother, techno-pop star 'Ava', aka Lee Jung-Hyun! Also an accomplished actress, you may know her from such opening scenes as WHEN YOU LEFT HER TO DIE BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

GANG DONG-WON

Oh, haha. Oops.

(grins awkwardly)

As it happens I might be able to help THIS time. I know where there'll be a ship to get us all out of here, if we take them a truck full of cash. Plus we get paid for doing it!

LEE JUNG-HYUN

I see. Well, let's just say this is your chance to make amends. Large bags filled to the brim with cold, hard, untraceable amends.

GANG DONG-WON

(nods)

Understood.

KWAN HAE-HYO

Bah, we don't need him! Hello, I'm Jung-Hyun's eccentric Dad and this is my kooky radio that I ramble into without ever hearing a response, and which half the time isn't even powered on! It's going to save us all!

(wild grin)

(pause)

It actually does though. Anyway don't mind me.

INT. BACK AT THE MILITARY COMPOUND

Meanwhile KOO KYO-HWAN finds one of the SAT PHONE TOKENS in the truck and calls CRIME BOSS, and is offered the SAME DEAL!

KOO KYO-HWAN

Hmm, it seems this could be our ticket out of here, Faithful Sidekick Guy.

FAITHFUL SIDEKICK GUY

Having control of a small army with tons of vehicles and weapons wasn't our ticket out?

KOO KYO-HWAN

It was not.

FAITHFUL SIDEKICK GUY

Okay then! We don't want to tip off Min-Jae though, he'd double-cross us in a heartbeat. So I guess we'd better act totally normal until we have a chance to slip away and-

KOO KYO-HWAN

(waves hand)

Yes yes that MIGHT work, but I think it's far better if I make a special announcement of a special 24-hour ZombieBowl where all Min-Jae's bets pay off triple as long as he stays at ZombieBowl with an extra special bonus if he never looks into what we're doing during those special 24 hours.

FAITHFUL SIDEKICK GUY

Yeah that'll do it.

(writes last will and testament)

KYO-HWAN sets his plan into motion, which manages to fool MIN-JAE for almost THREE FULL ENTIRE NANOSECONDS before twigging that SOMETHING'S UP. While that's going on, DONG-WON and JUNG-HYUN manage to infiltrate the compound!

LEE JUNG-HYUN

I was in this unit before it went rogue, so I know about all the secret entrances to get inside. I also know about their guards' secret weakness to SEARING HOT LEAD RIGHT IN THEIR FUCKING FACE

(shoots guards, sneakily)

GANG DONG-WON

(shoots guard)

Hey it works! Now we can grab the truck in memory of my dear departed brother-in-law.

FAITHFUL SIDEKICK GUY

(appearing)

Brother-in-law? We captured one of those, he's doing the 24-hour ZombieBowl right now! Also can I have the truck instead please.

LEE JUNG-HYUN

Sorry the truck's ours now! But don't worry Dong-won, I'll give you some time to save Do-Yoon before I leave, because SOME of us are not SELFISH GARBAGE PEOPLE.

GANG DONG-WON

Appreciate it.

DONG-WON races inside and STORMS INTO ZOMBIEBOWL and MURDERS ZOMBIES and creates PANIC and gets into a HUGE BLOODY FIREFIGHT during which MIN-JAE MURDERS THE FUCK OUT OF DO-YOON whose sacrifice allows DONG-WON to escape and get back to the truck, having achieved NOT THE FUCK MUCH.

KOO KYO-HWAN

Don't be too hard on yourself, you achieved one thing: giving me enough time to come find you and thwart your escape! Ha ha ha, now it is I-

But just then KYO-HWAN is hit by LEE RE driving the INDESTRUCTIBLE SUV!

LEE RE

I know I know, you told us not to leave the car. And strictly speaking, we didn't! Now hop in!

Our assorted heroes DRIVE OFF in the SUV and MONEY TRUCK!

KOO KYO-HWAN

Well poop.

(shoots Faithful Sidekick Guy)

Why'd I do that? Pretty sure the audience already knows I'm evil...

(shrugs)

AFTER THEM, MY MINIONS! EVERYONE PILE INTO THE MOST MAD-MAXY VEHICLES YOU CAN FIND, AND PURSUE THEM!!! GLUE ON EXTRA SPIKES IF YOU NEED TO!!!

EXT. THE LONG, LOOOOOOOONG FREEWAYS OF INCHEON

Indeed our HERO CONVOY is soon heavily pursued by an assortment of FURY-ROAD THUNDERDOMEMOBILES!! They CHASE and CHASE and CHASE and CHASE!! Then they CHASE! You'd think it was CORDELIA and CHEVY and a PAW PATROL POLICE DOG there's so much CHASE!

GANG DONG-WON

Hmmm, this 3,000-mile freeway leads to that glass structure I saw much earlier. Idea!

They swerve over to the GLASS THING and SMASH IT as they drive past, allowing HEAPS OF ZOMBIES to land all over MIN-JAE'S CAR!!

KIM MIN-JAE

Okay this might look bad, sure I've ground to a halt underneath a mound of zombies that are breaking their way inside the car, and my pistol's almost out of ammo. But quick, if we zoom out before I sustain a fatal wound, maybe I can impossibly survive this for a surprise appearance later!

(camera zooms out)

I hope I actually do appear later or we've just robbed the audience of the satisfaction of seeing a major villain get chompified...

ZOMBIES

(apologetic shrug)

(devour Min-Jae off-camera)

SORRRRY AUUUDIENCEEEE NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

EXT. THE DOCKS!

Just as it seems our heroes are HOME FREE, the SUV gets side-bashed by KYO-HWAN!!

GANG DONG-WON

Shit! Right there's only one of him and five of us, let's get him!

KOO KYO-HWAN

(shoots Kwon Hae-hyo in chest)

(shoots Lee Jung-hyun in leg)

(beats up Gang Dong-won)

(stuffs Lee Re in locker)

(takes Kid Sister's nose)

(steals truck)

(drives away)

LEE JUNG-HYUN

(limping)

Okay that was not our finest hour as a fighting unit.

KOO KYO-HWAN

Hahaha! Now I, all alone, can drive the money truck right into the cargo ship full of armed gangsters and

(shot multiple times)

Look in my defence I wasn't there at the initial briefing scene.

(dies)

However with his last breath KYO-HWAN manages to REVERSE the truck, jamming open the CARGO RAMP allowing the ship to be OVERRUN WITH ZOMBIES!

GANGSTERS

Goddammit all we had to do was let him get OUT of the truck first. Why do we not learn?

(eaten)

While this is going on our heroes have had a GOOD CATHARTIC EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY CRY around the corpse of KWON HAE-HYO only to realize they, too, are about to be SWARMED AND EATEN!

LEE RE

Nice knowing you Dong-won. Maybe it was just as well you didn't try to help the first time.

But just then a group of U.N HELICOPTERS arrive, YAY!!

LEE JUNG-HYUN

Holy shit, it's Major Jane, the UN person my goofy Dad was radioing! She was real all along! We could have saved ourselves SO MUCH TROUBLE if we'd just stayed put and kept radioing.

Everyone rushes towards the COPTERS but JUNG-HYUN can't keep up with her wounded leg! Instead, she climbs into a TRUCKER CAB and leans on the HORN, attracting the onrushing ZOMBIES so the others might live.

LEE RE

See that? That's how you do it, shitbag.

GANG DONG-WON

Yes, I take your point. But we're all the way over here, and she's aaaaalll the way over there. There's nothing left but to say goodbye.

LEE JUNG-HYUN

(lifts pistol underneath her chin)

(closes eyes)

GANG DONG-WON

Yep, she's going out a warrior. A true hero's death.

LEE JUNG-HYUN

(builds scaffold)

(places noose around her neck)

GANG DONG-WON

I'm sorry kids. If there was anything I could do...

LEE JUNG-HYUN

(builds giant traditional Viking funeral boat)

(places nuclear device inside asteroid plummeting towards Earth, nobly staying behind to manually push the detonator)

GHOST OF KIM DO-YOON

DID YOU EVEN TRY, YOU FUCKWANG, HUH, DID YOUUUU

GANG DONG-WON

OKAY FINE HOLY SHIT JEEZ

(reaches off-screen)

(grabs Jung-Hyun)

(pulls her into frame)

THERE EVERYONE SAFE ARE YOU HAPPY

(storms off)

LEE JUNG-HYUN

Phew, that was close! Now let us all board the U.N. HELICOPTER... TO BUSAN!!

MAJOR JANE

Huh? We're not going to Busan, that place is fucked. Why would you... oh right, the franchise thing. Gotcha.

END