Our STORY starts like 80% of DISNEY'S ANIMATED drivel with EXPOSITION over a glorified ANIMATED WHITEBOARD.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(narrating)

A long time ago, there was an evil monster thing that vaguely brought evil and treachery to villages. Some lady knight, named Gloreth, took a sword and stabbed it. We built our entire military infrastructure based on that one event. Now knights are being trained to protect our neo-medieval punk town from a threat that has shown no proof that it will appear again. And since this exposition has no bearing on the real story, let's just say this movie is a not so subtle message that people don't have to be confined to just two...

ANNAPURNA EXECUTIVES

...animation studios. It is not a binary system, people. You don't have to be Pixar or DreamWorks. If someone is Annapurna Pictures, we should accept them and make them feel loved and cherished.

(beat)

Now enjoy this very whacky morality lecture.

EXT. CYBER PUNK MEDIEVAL CITY

It is the KNIGHTING CEREMONY and the EASILY SWAYED TOWN is abuzz because CGI RIZ AHMED is going to be KNIGHTED.

CGI NEWSCASTER

Today is a cultural phenomenon in our military enrollment program. We are finally accepting ga...ahem...poor people who are not special into the knight's realm. Since all of our past knights are somehow related to the legendary knight, Gloreth, it suggests major inbreeding or her family really got around.

CGI RIZ AHMED

So nervous about the Queen knighting me, but why should I worry? I mean I would only statistically lose this privilege if instead of receiving my knighthood, I murdered the Queen pointe blanc in the middle of the event.

(laughs nervously)

Luckily, I have my very special...

CGI EUGENE LEE YANG

Friend with many cuddle benefits to encourage you and guide you along the way. Let's hold hands and look into each other's eyes before the knighting ceremony. Can you believe that culture is finally open about what we have?

CGI RIZ AHMED

What we have is someone's Nicholas Sparks fanfic about Road to El Dorado.

INT. SIR MADISON SQUARE GARDEN OF HOLY MARY

RIZ, EUG, and a bunch of other knights ride CYBER HORSES toward the CYBER QUEEN, while brandishing CYBER SWORDS.

CGI RIZ AHMED

Does anyone think it's weird that my sword says "Aim this end at the Queen?"

CGI FRANCES CONROY

Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself in the getting ready scene. As your military director, I command that you not to question why your sword is much heavier or buzzing with electronics. Now go up to the Queen and give her a big sword hug.

CGI QUEEN

Oh crap, the movie didn't even name me here. I guess this is my last...

(Riz's sword transforms into a laser gun and blasts the Queen)

FORTNITE ANNOUNCER

Riz is #1 in the Battle Royal!

CGI EUGENE LEE YANG

(flushing a lifetime of relationship building)

Oh poop. We forgot to turn off friendly fire. Here, I will show you...

(cuts off Riz's arm)

RIZ escapes by dropping YE OLDE NEW YORK KNICK'S SCOREBOARD on himself.

INT. SCOTTISH CYBER CASTLE

RIZ is moping around and building a CONSPIRACY WALL. He has a NEW CYBER ARM signed by MARK HAMILL.

CGI RIZ AHMED

Suxors!!! Now I am an outcast, living alone, and trying to get back into the good graces of the monarchy.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(chainsaws half the furniture)

You are not alone!!!! I am your perky and fun psychopath with teleportation powers and a backstory that I am frustratingly unclear about. Let's be evil together!!! I drew some pictures that would make Hitler and Polpot blush.

CGI RIZ AHMED

What are you??? I mean, besides a lazy hodge podge of Gru, the Minions, and the foster girls from Despicable Me.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(burns up carpet)

Don't you know that this unstable and comedically violent girl is the only thing keeping this movie from becoming the most boring mostly male fugitive trope. I am the Elsa and the Anna in this piece. Everyone else is just boring nameless Disney princes.

(rips up priceless paintings)

I made a list of babies we can steal candy from.

RIZ gets thrown in JAIL 3 seconds later, but CHLO breaks him out. She CRIPPLES many knights who had families and were just serving their country. She can turn herself into a RHINO, a WHALE, a MOUSE, a HEADACHE, and a HOT TOPICS BUSINESS PLAN.

CGI RIZ AHMED

What??? You are a shape shifter. There is no room in this technocratic world for magic or witchcraft, so I just assume you gained this trick through hard work and determination.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(making a knight a quadriplegic)

And if you question any dangerous or weird thing I am doing, I will get so triggered and offended, which is vital for a proper dialogue between understanding parties.

(hashtags #understandme)

INT. CYBER SUBWAY

RIZ and CHLO go on a mission together in the subway. WITH DISGUISES. And by disguises I mean they are the easiest people to spot in the universe.

CGI RIZ AHMED

I think I know why I suck at proving my innocence. My stealth stat is negative 4. I put a tiny towel on my head as a disguise. I didn't even shave off my manscaped Tony Stark facial hair starter kit beard.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(spray paints offensive words)

I can also turn into something useful to prove that I am not just a reckless sidekick, but instead I am committing crimes left and right. My character's motivation is a sixth grader playing GTA V.

CGI RIZ AHMED

Maybe you should stop that and become something useful to the mission.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(pants someone)

Did you just assume my character arc?

(starts a misinformation campaign)

Look. There are guards who are going to corner us. Let me create a distraction.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ AS CGI RIZ AHMED

I am a terrorist!!! I 100% murdered the Queen!!! Please acknowledge how guilty I am!!! Never doubt that I straight up gutted the Queen like a fish!!! I will do it again!!! Associate this face with horrific crimes!!!

CGI RIZ AHMED

Great, you really gave them damning evidence about my guilt now. Thanks so much! Also, how come when you turn into animals you are pink, but when you turn into humans you can match their colors? People would not think you were a monster if you were just a very accurate shapeshifter.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(Amazed)

You can't use the term monster. That is our word. My people came up with it. We are entitled to the word monster or monsta.

(hashtags #takethepowerback)

EUG shows up with his ANGRY MOB of knights. Including COUSIN KYLE KNIGHT played by BECK BENNETT. He adds so much value to this lazy stereotype.

CGI COUSIN KYLE KNIGHT

(refusing vaccination)

It's a monster!! Kill it. It's taking away our freedom. It's taking all our jobs!!

CGI RIZ AHMED

Eug, I didn't kill the Queen. You have to believe me. Did our cuddle times mean nothing?

CGI EUGENE LEE YANG

(deletes couple's playlists)

(burns love letters)

(kisses the third grade gym coach)

CGI RIZ AHMED

Well, point taken.

(runs away)

RIZ and CHLO corner THE GUY WHO SUPPLIES WEAPONS. CHLO further proves that she is not a mons...person of beastly roots by turning into the child from THE EXORCIST and giving the suspect SEVERE PTSD.

CGI RIZ AHMED

Who framed me?

THE GUY WHO SUPPLIES WEAPONS

Here is a cell phone recording that shows The Director replacing your sword with a WMD.

CGI RIZ AHMED

Thanks, that will be all.

THE GUY WHO SUPPLIES WEAPONS

Really? I have some funny quips and jokes that could liven up this script. Chloe and I have this victim and oppressor running joke.

CGI RIZ AHMED

Nope. Can't hear you. Byeeeee...

EXT. KNIGHT BATTLEGROUND- DYNASTY WARRIORS LEVEL 5

CHLO and RIZ confront THE DIRECTOR, FRANCES CONROY. RIZ has the device that has the evidence to prove his innocence. Everyone's LASER GUN has auto-aim on the device.

CGI FRANCES CONROY

You dare accuse me, the nationalist director with unchecked power? Show me the evidence.

CGI RIZ AHMED

Actually, I don't have it. A sniper just shot the phone perfectly out of my hand. I forgot to set the phone from "give false hope to audience" to "make story progress."

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(farts the alphabet)

Sounds like we need to turn more knights' wives and husbands into widows.

CGI RIZ AHMED

Ahem...be reasonable Chlo.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

Sorry, I mean just cripple them from the neck down.

CGI RIZ AHMED

See? Your character is starting to develop.

They FIGHT. CHLO turns into a HUGE CARTOON DRAGON and SPEWS PEPTO BISMAL. CHILDREN are scared of her and want her to DIE.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(shocked beyond all reason)

Why is this world so bigoted? Why can't I just be the person that makes me comfortable?

CGI RIZ AHMED

You really think you're the victim in all of this? You just threw a car at someone.

ANNAPURNA EXECUTIVES

We regret to inform you that recent remarks made by Riz Ahmed were viewed in poor taste. We here at Annapurna stand behind the monster community.

(executive gets fired for saying the m-word)

CGI RIZ AHMED

Okay, where was I? Right, the recording didn't work. We need to think of a fresh plan to get the director in trouble.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(sets fire to rare antique books)

How about the same plan in a different setting?

INT. SAME PLAN, DIFFERENT SETTING- DAY

EUG confronts THE DIRECTOR, FRANCES CONROY in HER OFFICE. THE DIRECTOR shows him THE SWORD she switched out when the QUEEN was killed.

CGI FRANCES CONROY

I hate when someone accuses me of abusing power and conspiracy. I have good intentions. I am a company woman who promotes the peace and well being of the country she loves. This country is built on walls. We need walls to keep the monsters away. You can't handle the truth!

(stabs Eug)

CGI RIZ AHMED

Surprise, we got that whole confession on a different video recorder that looks cooler and less like a phone.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(erasing someone's Pokemon save file)

I turned into Eugene Lee Yang and got the confession.

(removes sword with ease)

Also my character is invincible to all physical damage, which means you should be recruiting me as your nuclear option against other countries. Why do movies portray the gifted people with awesome built-in weapons as grievances against a government that would love to have an invincible hero as a global advantage against any threat?

CGI PROFESSOR XAVIER

I feel that Chloe Grace. I feel that.

CGI RIZ AHMED

Eug! Now that I am free and clear of this punishment, we should try our relationship again.

CGI EUGENE LEE YANG

(returns Riz's old sweater and apartment keys)

CGI RIZ AHMED

Poop.

INT. RISKY BUSINESS DANCE MONTAGE

CHLO and EUG send the video recording to YE OLDE SOCIAL MEDIA and suddenly the government topples.

CGI RIZ & CHLOE

(dancing on tables)

RIOTS break out. OFFICIALS are getting lynched.

CGI RIZ AHMED & CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(trying on new hats)

CGI FRANCES CONROY

Wait, why am I so bad at being an evil director?

(remembers how lying works)

Eugene, get over here!

CGI EUGENE LEE YANG

What do you want you nasty piece of filth? You are an evil puppet master! I will rebel against you until the day you...

CGI FRANCES CONROY

I didn't do evil things! It was Chloe Grace!

CGI EUGENE LEE YANG

(record scratches)

What? Oh. Never mind then. You should probably tell someone else that. Your senate is being round up for mass execution as we speak.

CGI FRANCES CONROY

(on television)

I didn't kill The Queen. It was the mon...person of tentacle intent...Chloe.

CGI EASILY SWAYED PUBLIC

(stops rioting)

Oh. Never mind then. Thanks for the heads up.

(resurrects lynched people)

INT. SCOTTISH CYBER CASTLE

RIZ confronts CHLO about her connection with the vague evil that seems to be such a problem, but can't be explained to the audience.

CGI RIZ AHMED

I want answers Chloe! The evil director who framed me for murder says you are the same mons...person of diverse fangs...who will one day destroy this town. Even though everything else the director said was a lie, this one true tidbit has to be right on the money.

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(crying)

I am starting to think that a girl with hidden satanic powers and horrendous manifestations cannot just crash into someone's life and cause countless injuries and property damage without feeling a little bit judged for being different on the inside.

CGI RIZ AHMED

Stop pretending this is a well written metaphor for socially different people!!!! You are literally Osama Bin Laden levels of destruction and you get upset because we tell you to tone it down a bit!!!!!

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

(puts anthrax in letters)

Fine. For being such a jerk, I am going to share my backstory without you in the room. You lost the big reveal on the one thing I keep gaslighting you about.

EXT. THE FLASHBACK: LUCKY CHARMS LAND

CGI YOUNG CHLO is a BABY SHAPESHIFTER who just wants to be liked. All the animals SHUN her as if she is a WHITE RAPPER AT THE APOLLO THEATER. She meets YOUNG GLORETH.

CGI YOUNG CHLO

Hey, I am Chlo. Do you want to be equals in the eyes of the law?

YOUNG GLORETH

Sure.

CGI YOUNG CHLO

I can turn into a horse.

YOUNG GLORETH

My parents hate that and now I hate you. It is now my mission to fight you and spread the word to everyone that you are the number one terrorist for the next 1000 years. I will build a whole government around it.

CGI YOUNG CHLO

Poop.

EXT. CYBER MEDIEVAL CITY OF METROPOLIS

CHLO is so upset that she hides her true self and vows never to trust...wait...nope...she turns into a MUTANT DEATH KAIJU and racks up so many deaths and property damage that the nation has to turn this into a NATIONAL HOLIDAY OF REMEMBERANCE that will shape the country's terrorism policy forever.

CGI RIZ AHMED

It's all my fault. I shouldn't have told her to tone down her violent and anti-social urges to make others feel safe and comfortable. This is a lesson to everyone in America. If you make a socially outcasted person upset they will destroy the ones you love. That is the message we want you to walk away with.

CGI CHLOE MUTANT DEATH KAIJU

I am so sad.

(listens to My Chemical Romance)

I am going to end it all on this pointy statue of Gloreth.

(Riz holds her back from being stabbed)

CGI RIZ AHMED

Ohana means family, Chlo!

CGI CHLOE MUTANT DEATH KAIJU

(sobs acid)

Okay. I feel better.

CGI EASILY SWAYED PUBLIC

(cheering)

Our prejudice is healed.

COUSIN KYLE KNIGHT

(rips up conspiracy papers)

I am stepping across the aisle.

CGI EUGENE LEE YANG

My man did it! I can finally forgive him for running away from me when I cut off his arm, sticking up for his convictions, and clearing his name.

CGI FRANCES CONROY

No...no...no. Someone in this movie needs to die. Turn around the gigantic laser gun that is meant to kill a little girl that can turn into a horse. Let it fire into the town square. It will kill everyone who hasn't died yet, but it is a considerable loss.

CGI EUGENE LEE YANG

What kind of reckless laser has enough splash damage to kill an entire city? Do we also have swords that kill the next of kin when we stab people?

CGI CHLOE MUTANT DEATH KAIJU

(frolicking like Bambi)

Reminds me of some advice someone told me. If you can't be the bad guy...RIP OFF THE LAST ACT OF MY IRON GIANT.

(rams into the laser beam and sacrifices herself)

EXT. DAYTIME IN CYBER NEO MEDIEVAL CITY

CGI RIZ AHMED

We did it. I apologized to Eug for being such a drama queen, disrespectfully clearing my name, and running away when he tried to arrest me. We live together and are raising a fur baby.

CGI EASILY SWAYED PUBLIC

I guess we are fully recovered from our evil and ignorant ways. Now we treat monsters the same way villagers treat dragons in sequels of How To Train Your Dragon.

(no other monsters exist so no they don't)

CGI CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

Can't wait for the sequel where I pay for my serious war crimes and take responsibility for the destruction I...

(reads sequel script)

Oops, I mean have tons of crazy and whacky fun.

CGI RIZ AHMED

Monsta...you crazy.

ANNAPURNA EXECUTIVES

Riz Ahmed is fired for creaturely charged language and he will be replaced by...

(Riz shows a business card that reads "I was in a Hamilton adjacent thing")

Sorry, I guess he is immune.

(beat)

Now to end our totally original movie with a punk collage over the credits that is like no other movie that came out this year.

PUNK COLLAGE

(Ramones song plays)

Spider-man, Spider-man, he can do what a spider can...

END