FADE IN:

INT. LETITIA'S LESS-THAN-LIFESAVING LAB

COVID conspiracy theorist Super-smart scientist LETITIA WRIGHT desperately tries to save her brother CHADWICK BOSEMAN's life, but he tragically succumbs to illness offscreen.

ANGELA BASSETT

Listen up, everyone. This is some real-life shit, and this is a SAD STORY. We're literally starting with a funeral. It isn't gonna be like the first movie, and things will be a lot easier if you just accept that upfront.

TWITTER/REDDIT

Yeah, nope. #recasttchalla

ANGELA BASSETT

(sighs deeply)

Suit yourself.

LETITIA and ANGELA, along with the dwindling subset of comic book movie fans who are actually still DECENT HUMAN BEINGS, all shut the hell up to allow for a MOMENT OF SILENCE during the CHADWICK-CENTRIC MARVEL STUDIOS LOGO.

INT. OUTREACH CENTER - ONE YEAR LATER

A bunch of BLACK OPS THUGS bursts into a WAKANDAN OUTREACH CENTER, pointing GUNS at everybody.

BLACK OPS THUG

WE ASSUME THAT AN OUTREACH CENTER HAS A VAULT LADEN WITH THE WORLD’S MOST VALUABLE METAL FOR SOME REASON.

They’re shown a VAULT, but it turns out it’s actually a DANAI GURIRA AND HER HEAVILY-ARMED DORA MILAJE COHORTS VAULT! DANAI stabs a bunch of soldiers with her spear, somehow killing exactly zero of them.

MICHAELA COEL

(stabbing)

You guys can keep your inexplicably non-lethal spears, I prefer my inexplicably non-lethal daggers! This is my only character trait! Why am I in this movie again?

FLORENCE KASUMBA

(blows kiss)

Gotta piss off China somehow, my love!

INT. U.N. MEETING A.K.A. UNITED NINCOMPOOPS

ANGELA faces a panel of U.N. MANBABIES.

U.N. MANBABY

Queen Angela, we’ve called you here to discuss the pressing issue of give us the vibranium. Vibranium, now, WE WANTS IT GIMME GIMME GIMME.

ANGELA BASSETT

Now now, you know Wakanda doesn’t give away any of our tech or our precious resources, or let strangers in through our forcefield, and honestly we seem exactly as isolationist as last time except now we’re rubbing everybody’s nose in it. So much for Chadwick’s whole speech about everyone being one tribe and all that.

U.N. MANBABY

Vibranium can be used to make WMDs, and therefore you’re violating the non-proliferation treaty! Which is specifically about nuclear weapons, not the raw materials which could theoretically be made into non-nuclear weapons, but SHUT UP GIVE US VIBRANIUM!!!

At this point, DANAI leads her SQUAD and their defeated BLACK OPS THUGS directly into the U.N. meeting, for maximum bad-assery.

DANAI GURIRA

(real line)

The Dora Milaje have jurisdiction wherever the Dora Milaje find themselves to be.

(pause)

That doesn’t really help us defend against your allegations that we’re a dangerously unaccountable rogue state, does it?

She deposits the disgraced soldiers at the French ambassador's feet.

ANGELA BASSETT

Wow, turns out the biggest threat to our vast supply of valuable and versatile vibranium is all of you.

(yawns)

What a surprise.

EXT. MINING SHIP — NIGHT

LAKE BELL is leading a team of NAVY SEALS who must have never seen "THE ABYSS".

LAKE BELL

We totally stole a fancy metal detector from a college kid and used it to find vibranium in the bottom of the ocean! But no, I have zero idea what Angela's going on about.

SUPER-DEAD SCUBA AGENT

Uh hey Lake, I think there's something else lurking down here...and this isn't some lame lake pun, I swear.

(dies)

TALOKANIL UNDERWATER PEOPLE

(singing hauntingly)

C'mon in, the water's warm!

CHAOS ENSUES as LAKE'S entire team starts willingly jumping overboard, lured by terrifyingly melodic siren calls coming from the ocean.

HYPNOTIZED AGENT

Sigh. I thought now that we didn’t have Scarlet Witch, Killgrave, or this universe’s Loki, the MCU might finally be done with MMMMIND CONTROL. More fool me.

(leaps into ocean)

LAKE BELL

Omg it's a sonic attack! Good thing I conveniently have these earplugs.

She puts them in and jumps onto a departing helicopter, only to then get snatched out of the sky by none other than TENOCH HUERTA, the FLYING FISH MAN himself! He effortlessly yeets LAKE's helicopter straight into the sea.

TENOCH HUERTA

So anyway, I'm the villain. See if you remember that when I become charismatic as hell later on and you see me shirtless in proper lighting.

EXT. UNPROTECTED BEACH — NIGHT

ANGELA tries to reason with LETITIA on the one-year anniversary of CHADWICK’S DEATH.

LETITIA WRIGHT

It’s easy for you to talk about moving on, Mom. You weren’t killed by Thanos, you’ve got five whole years of practice mourning Chadwick the first time he died.

ANGELA BASSETT

Technically second, don’t forget the time he was thrown off the waterfall.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Oh yeah. Man, the citizens must be sick of mourning the guy by now.

They then have a rousing debate about grief and the deconstruction of religious beliefs until TENOCH interrupts them.

TENOCH HUERTA

Stop that, you two! That's way too deep for a superhero movie. Anyway, I'm here because I hate your hidden country for no longer being hidden, since now MY hidden underwater country can also no longer be hidden. Therefore, we must murder the inventor of that vibranium detector, an American genius inventor who also built a suit of powered armor out of scrap.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Robert Downey Jr.?

KEVIN FEIGE (O.S.)

Uh, no, we can't afford him anymore.

(brightens up)

But we got the next best thing!

ANGELA BASSETT

Don Cheadle, minus the genius inventor part?

LETITIA WRIGHT

Me, minus the suit of armor part?

KEVIN FEIGE (O.S.)

(facepalms)

You know what? Just forget it.

(leaves to go salvage what's left of "BLADE")

TENOCH HUERTA

Here, take this and use it to call me when you find her.

(hands over conch shell)

ANGELA BASSETT

First mermaids, now this? You're really just leaning into all the ocean clichés, aren't you? What's next, drowning people?

TENOCH HUERTA

What?! No...

(coughs awkwardly)

EXT. M.I.T. CAMPUS

DANAI accompanies LETITIA on a mission to MASSACHUSETTS to kidnap DOMINIQUE THORNE. They somehow manage to avoid bumping into ZENDAYA, JACOB BATALON, TONY REVOLORI, or TY SIMPKINS, who must all be cutting class today or something.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Listen, Dominique, I used to the comedic relief, but now I have to actually undergo character development, so meme duty falls to you.

DOMINIQUE THORNE

Bet! Congrats on the glow-up, fam. Being part of a team of bad-ass ladies just hits different, ya know?

DANAI GURIRA

(facepalms)

Maybe we SHOULD just deliver her to Tenoch.

DOMINIQUE THORNE

For real though, I did invent that detector for a class project. Apparently I’m smart enough to figure out how to detect an undetectable metal, but not smart enough to realize I could sell it for a billion dollars instead of doing dumber students’ homework at like eight bucks a page.

LETITIA WRIGHT

How did you invent something that detects vibranium whilst having access to exactly zero grams of vibranium?

DOMINIQUE THORNE

(shrugs)

Psshh. Now come on, I’ll show you my lab.

EXT. BOSTON BRIDGE

The trio makes their way to DOMINIQUE'S humble GARAGE OF SCRAPS, but get intercepted by AMBIGUOUS GOVERNMENT PEOPLE.

DOMINIQUE THORNE

Oh no! We should split up for some reason! You guys take my car and motorcycle, I’ll trust my life to my untested homemade armor!

(puts on knockoff Iron Man suit)

And please nobody shoot at me while I’m wearing this, because I seem to have neglected the “armor” part.

(flies away)

DANAI drives off, fending against the GOVERNMENT GUYS, while LETITIA encounters a far worse adversary — PRODUCTION DELAYS.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Hmm, this motorcycle stunt looks dangerous. We certainly wouldn’t want me to crash and break my shoulder and suffer a massive concussion that requires ongoing therapy to cope with, would we?

MARVEL PRESS TEAM

(silence)

LETITIA WRIGHT

Oh cool so if that happens, we’ll just gloss riiiggghhhttt over it in the press release, huh?

MARVEL PRESS TEAM

Look Letitia, this shoot's already troubled enough. The less attention we draw to you, the better.

Suddenly, a posse of UNDERWATER PEOPLE leap out of the river, led by ALEX LIVINALLI and MABEL CADENA.

ALEX LIQUIDALLI

Die, Danai! Your simple spear is for some reason no match for MY spear. And who cares that you're the most skilled fighter in Wakanda and you're hitting us with what should definitely be lethal strikes? We're unstoppable!

DANAI GURIRA

Are we ever gonna learn why that is?

MOISTURE CADENA

Nope!

(attacks)

DANAI does her best to fend them off, with absolutely no help from LETITIA, who, surprise surprise, crashed her motorcycle and is now UNCONSCIOUS. After some of that sweet action shit, LETITIA wakes back up but then immediately surrenders, and she and DOMINIQUE get FISHNAPPED.

DANAI GURIRA

Annnnddd I lost the princess, which is the one thing I swore I wouldn't do. Angela's gonna be reasonable about this, right?

(gets fired)

INT. GENERIC C.I.A. BOARDROOM

Exes JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS and MARTIN FREEMAN reenact their favorite parts of "TRUE LIES" and try to justify their inclusion here.

MARTIN FREEMAN

Remember me? Letitia saved my life last movie and I was 50% of the white dudes. I got invited back because...reasons? Tbh I signed the contract without reading it.

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS

I sure hope people stayed through the credits for "Black Widow" and watched my two tiny moments in Marvel’s red-headed stepchild of a Disney+ show, because I run the C.I.A. now. I’m basically the female Samuel L. Jackson, but eeevviilll. Eventually. Probably. Or I'm a Skrull. Either way, catch "Thunderbolts" in theatres July 26th, 2024 to find out!

EXT. HAITI

ANGELA finally remembers LUPITA NYONG’O exists, and goes to pay her a visit.

ANGELA BASSETT

Hi, Lupita! How goes it being a schoolteacher here in Haiti, which finally explains where the hell you were during the whole Thanos thing? Btw I need you for a very dangerous mission.

LUPITA NYONG’O

I see. Considering you’re already well aware of the mid-credits twist, don’t you think it’d be more responsible to send one of the Dora Milaje instead? You know, somebody who hasn’t been out of practice for...what is it, six years?

ANGELA BASSETT

Nah, I’d rather send the AHEM of my son’s COUGH COUGH COUGH for some reason.

EXT. TALOKAN UNDERWATER EMPIRE

Meanwhile, TENOCH and LETITIA ditch DOMINIQUE to explore the "AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER" set.

TENOCH HUERTA

Welcome to Not Atlantis! Repeat, this is NOT Atlantis.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Yeah, I guess the whole "forbidden offspring of a human sailor and ocean royalty" deal is a little too "Aquaman" now. What are we going with instead?

TENOCH HUERTA

Some good old-fashioned historically-accurate genocide! Centuries ago conquistadors brought smallpox to my mom's village. Villagers thought an underwater vibranium plant could cure them, but my mom was pregnant with me and understandably thought that was bullshit.

LETITIA WRIGHT

So they had one guinea pig eat the plant first to see if they died?

TENOCH HUERTA

Nope, they all drank plant juice at the same time like it was fucking Jonestown or something! It turned them into fish people, then they all had to go live on the bottom of the ocean...Where there was no light and no shelter and all they had to eat was like raw fish and seaweed...Smallpox might have been the better way to go, honestly.

LETITIA WRIGHT

And your whole civilization is descended from these, what, like...dozen villagers?

TENOCH HUERTA

Yeah, best not to think too hard about that. I was born under the sea, and my ability to breathe air and fly with my surprisingly non-silly ankle wings comes from the fact that I'm a mutant, let's just dump THAT there and blow right past it.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Pretty interesting backstory, I admit, now—

TENOCH HUERTA

Decades later I returned to land to bury my mother in her native soil.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Oh. This is...still going.

(checks watch)

TENOCH HUERTA

The Spanish went a bit slave-crazy in our absence, so we killed them all. I got branded “un niño sin amor”, as in a boy without love, so I took the "n'amor" bit as my new name because I truly had no love for the surface people. Including the slaves I just freed, I guess.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Wait, did you just…retcon your 83-year-old name’s significance and pronunciation to make it more culturally meaningful? Can we do that?

TENOCH HUERTA

Yeah, that whole Greco-Roman vibe didn’t mesh with my new Mesoamerican backstory. Bring on the comics nerd rage.

(pauses)

So anyway, based on my experience with colonialism, the land people are definitely gonna come kill both of us for vibranium. Wanna go halfsies on a race war?

LETITIA WRIGHT

You want us to provoke literally every global superpower who wants vibranium? America, China, Russia, the UK, India, Saudi Arabia, and the rest? All at once?

TENOCH HUERTA

Uh yeah. You might have to do Saudi Arabia, we'd pretty much die instantly in their deserts...

LETITIA WRIGHT

Keep in mind that not only would be taking on the EIGHT BILLION OTHER PEOPLE in the world, but also The Avengers and their allies. We'd have to beat the wizards of Kamar-Taj, the Ten Rings, the Eternals, the Black Widows, all the superhuman warriors of New Asgard, the various Egyptian avatars, and that's assuming they don't just page Captain Marvel and get her to beat you into tapioca.

TENOCH HUERTA

Look it's not an especially fleshed-out plan, I admit. But what if I suggested it...handsomely? Here, have a beautiful Talokan gown. Have my mother's jewellery. Come on a personal tour of my home. It's not weird that I'm like twenty times your age, is it?

LETITIA WRIGHT

These are some seriously messed-up Reylo vibes, but I'm into it.

TENOCH HUERTA

(receives note)

Hey, I've just been summoned by your mom, I wonder what that's about?

(goes to beach)

You rang?

ANGELA BASSETT

Yes, I just thought you might want to look over there for a while.

TENOCH HUERTA

Over where?

ANGELA BASSETT

(points vaguely)

Over there, y'know, just, would you look at that?

TENOCH HUERTA

(peers)

What? What am I meant to be looking at? What, you mean that slightly weird rock? I guess it is kind of a funny rock, but I don't know why HEY WAIT A MINUTE.

He turns around to find that LUPITA has rescued LETITIA and DOMINIQUE while he was distracted.

TENOCH HUERTA

OH GODDAMNIT.

(sees dead guard)

Ah. And a single Talokan citizen was killed trying to stop them escaping. Well. I'd say this calls for a very measured, proportionate response.

EXT. WATERLOGGED WAKANDA

TENOCH and his ENTIRE ARMY storm WAKANDA with FLOODING and WHALES and EXPLOSIONS, smashing EVERYTHING and killing EVERYBODY they can get their hands on.

WAKANDA MILITARY

Oh that's right, we just angered the race of technologically-advanced sea monsters who told us they would take revenge if we didn't side with them. Probably, ah...probably should have been preparing in some way.

(routed)

TENOCH then floods the THRONE ROOM in an attempt to DROWN DOMINIQUE.

ANGELA BASSETT

Dude, really? How original.

(dives in)

At any rate, I won’t let you kill her! We need her to be part of our overwhelming glut of streaming series!

She saves DOMINIQUE but in the process manages to herself DROWN.

DOMINIQUE THORNE

Just doing a vibe check, and this ain't it, chief.

(mourns)

LETITIA WRIGHT

Welp, my last family member just died.

(checks watch)

Hmm, right on time for the end-of-act-two hero's low point...I guess this confirms that I'm the lead character?

RYAN COOGLER (O.S.)

(nods)

They're some giant shoes to fill, but someone had to step up. You're our only hope, Letitia.

LETITIA WRIGHT

What about Lupita? Or Angela? Or Danai? Or even Winston Duke? We literally have the most stacked supporting cast in the entire MCU. Why me?

RYAN COOGLER (O.S.)

Uhhh...

(desperately flips through stacks of MARVEL COMICS)

Oh thank goodness, there's some comics precedent. No need to point out that promoting you to protagonist translated to the least amount of rewriting. Congratulations, you have beef with Tenoch now!

LETITIA WRIGHT

Of course I do, he just killed my mom!

RYAN COOGLER (O.S.)

See what I mean? The story basically writes itself.

(leaves)

INT. LETITIA'S LIFESAVING(?) LAB

TWO GIANT FUNERALS is a bit too depressing for this action flick, so ANGELA'S memorial goes the way of SCARLETT'S in "ENDGAME" — basically an afterthought. Back to the superhero stuff and cool science shit!

LUPITA NYONG'O

(addressing LETITIA and DOMINIQUE)

Alright you two, you've gotta use your big brains to figure out how to defeat Tenoch AND how to recreate that special herb so that Letitia can become Black Panther in time for the final battle.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Wait, I want to be a superhero now? Didn't I tell Angela like an hour ago that I was only trying to solve this herb mystery to save my brother?

LUPITA NYONG'O

Did you? LOL whoops I completely forgot about that, which means everyone else probably did, too.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Why don't I be queen and you become Black Panther? Ya know, divide and conquer? That way the entire nation won't be in shambles when something inevitably catastrophic happens to me, since my family is clearly cursed and it's only a matter of time.

LUPITA NYONG'O

Nooo, I can't do that, I'm already committed to something super important and just vague enough to compel people to stay through the credits to find out what it is.

DOMINIQUE THORNE

It's all good, I'll make a chamber to dehydrate out Tenoch. Water makes him stronger, right?

LETITIA WRIGHT

That’s uninspired, but sure. It still doesn't solve the herb problem, though. Goddamn screenwriters being all “Ooh wouldn’t it be badass if Killmonger destroyed all the MacGuffin herb, I mean when are we ever gonna need to replace Black Panther amirite?”

(fiddles with bracelet)

Wait a minute — Tenoch’s mom’s bracelet! It’s DNA Chekov’s gun foreshadowing technobabble technobabble vibranium bullshit — that’ll work!

Thanks to that totally-platonic bracelet, LETITIA presses a big “RESOLVE SCREENWRITING PROBLEM” BUTTON and RECREATES THE HERB!

INT. ANCESTRAL PLANE — THRONE ROOM

LETITIA’s entire understanding of faith (in online spoilers) is challenged by the ANCESTRAL PLANE appearance of MICHAEL B. JORDAN, instead of her dead mother, brother, or father.

MICHAEL B. JORDEAD

Surprise! Turns out I need to at least cameo in every single one of Ryan's movies. Also, be serious — no one ACTUALLY wanted a CGI-Chadwick here, right?

TWITTER/REDDIT

(tries to speak)

MICHAEL B. JORDEAD

Shut up, punks, I ain't talking to you. Letitia, I got one question — are you gonna be honorable, or are you gonna get shit done?

LETITIA WRIGHT

Maybe I can be...both?

MICHAEL B. JORDEAD

Oh shit, hadn't actually considered that. Look, just keep the option of emulating the jerk who tried to murder your family open, that’s all I’m saying.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Bizarrely, I will!

INT. MOUNTAIN CAVE

Up in the mountains, WINSTON and the ELDERS sit around waiting for a new leader to, I dunno, fall from the sky?

LETITIA CATFIGHT

(falls from the sky)

Hey so I just drank that freaky purple sludge and got this super dope costume, so I'm pretty sure that makes me the new Bla—

WINSTON DUKE

Not without a training montage, you're not!

(checks runtime)

Or we could just do a quick arm wrestle?

LETITIA CATFIGHT

Sounds great!

LETITIA handily beats WINSTON and all the ELDERS immediately accept her as the NEW BLACK PANTHER, but no word yet as to whether the INTERNET INCELS will follow suit.

LETITIA CATFIGHT

Okay, here's the plan. We go provoke Tenoch’s enormous sea-monster army in the middle of the ocean where they have an insurmountable home-field advantage, and then capture him in a giant blowdryer. Sound good?

(pauses)

Are we sure my genius-level intellect wasn't traded for super-strength when I took that herb?

DOMINIQUE THORNE

In the meantime, I can take advantage of your superior Wakandan tech to basically have you make me a less crappy version of my ripped off Iron Man armor! While at the same time you outfit every single one of your own soldiers with equally tough armor!

(mutters)

I sure hope none of this makes my one rinky dink suit of armor seem less impressive in my show next year...

EXT. WAKANDAN TITANIC

The woefully underprepared WAKANDAN ARMY lines up on a ship that looks suspiciously similar to "TITANIC", and we're really just ripping off ALL the JAMES CAMERON movies, aren’t we? Almost immediately, the TALOKAN ARMY arrives.

DANAI GURIRA

Ha, gotcha! You thought you were coming to take on another shipful of gormless American agents, but it was us all along, it's a trap!

TENOCH HUERTA

How? You're all huddled together on a ship. We could just leave if we wanted to. You're the ones officially trapped in this battle.

DANAI GURIRA

Huh, that's embarrassing. But look, we have new armor to fight you with! And Dominique in a pretty Power Ranger costume!

ALEX LIQUIDALLI

Okay, well, have you figured out how to kill any of us yet?

DANAI GURIRA

No, we didn't do that...

MOISTURE CADENA

What about bringing your fleet of laser-equipped flying ships? Those could be handy. Or even some of Letitia’s rock-em sock-em electro-gauntlets?

DANAI GURIRA

Nope. Just us and our spears against your super strength and indestructibility and trained whales.

WINSTON DUKE

We really gotta stop endangering our entire army in these horrendously lopsided battles.

But wait! LETITIA bats her eyelashes and lures TENOCH onto the ONE FLYING CRAFT they thought to bring, which has been converted into an EASY-BAKE OVEN!

TENOCH HUERTA

Urk! Mild dehydration...sapping powers! Damn, earlier when we made a flip remark about Dominique defeating me with a space heater, I didn't think the screenwriters were considering that as a serious option.

LETITIA then diverts TENOCH to a BEACH for a PRIVATE FIGHT, while the fight on the BOAT goes KINDA CRAPPILY for the WAKANDANS.

WINSTON DUKE

Look out! One of their whales is bringing like five hundred tricked-out water balloons to hit this ship!!

(ship bombed)

Crap, we're doomed now!...Or wait. That enormous barrage of hydroexplosives just made the ship tilt slightly to one side and look, we're fine.

(pause)

Again: this is the army that expects to conquer the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD.

EXT. BONE-DRY BEACH

On the BEACH, LETITIA and TENOCH continue to fight! They SLASH and STAB and CLAW at each other without drawing a SINGLE DROP OF BLOOD, before LETITIA is stabbed CLEAN THROUGH HER ABDOMEN and is just fine with no problems afterwards.

LETITIA CATFIGHT

Geez, is there anything I won't copy from Iron Man?

She hits TENOCH with a HUGE POINT-BLANK EXPLOSION, then goes to KILL HIM. But suddenly, she realizes something!

LETITIA CATFIGHT

Hold on...I'VE had sucky life experiences, YOU'VE had sucky life experiences...MY mom's dead, YOUR mom's dead...why, we're just the same! Truce?

TENOCH HUERTA

Slightly better than if both our moms were called Martha, I guess. Thanks for deciding not to kill me…after, with that explosion, quite clearly trying to kill me.

FANFICTION SCRIBES

Annddd, kiss!

INT. LAB

After a gruesome battle that left exactly zero main characters dead, everyone resumes their regularly scheduled life programming.

LETITIA WRIGHT

Sorry Dominique, I know we accelerated your superhero evolution for the sake of spectacle, but you gotta leave the suit here.

DOMINIQUE THORNE

It's all good, it’s too boujee for me anyway. See ya later, sis.

KEVIN FEIGE (O.S.)

(whispering)

Psst, Dominique, you forgot to do the thing.

DOMINIQUE THORNE

Man, you is extra, but a'ight. Catch the "Ironheart" series airing exclusively on Disney+ in Fall 2023.

(leaves)

Elsewhere in the CLOSING MONTAGE, DANAI continues to don the MIDNIGHT ANGEL super suit despite spending the entire runtime taking shots at how UTTERLY ATROCIOUS it is, and WINSTON finally decides to take WAKANDA'S leadership into his own hands after enduring two movies of COMPLETE CHAOS.

WINSTON DUKE

I am the captain, uh, I mean, king now!

EXT. HAITIAN BEACH

Upon almost immediately ditching her monarchial duties, LETITIA travels to HAITI to dabble in beachfront arson.

LETITIA WRIGHT

I'm finally burning these funeral clothes because there's literally no one else in my family left to die except me, so...

Finally at peace, she closes her eyes and listens to the soft breeze, envisioning a STUNNING HIGHLIGHT REEL of CHADWICK BOSEMAN SCENES and I'M NOT CRYING, YOU ARE. CUT TO CREDITS ALREADY!

END (BUT NOT REALLY)

EXT. MID-CREDITS SCENE

A lurking LUPITA gets impatient waiting for LETITIA to wrap up her personal grieving process.

LUPITA NYONG'O

Surprise Letitia, you have a nephew!

LETITIA WRIGHT

Are you serious?? I literally JUST came to terms with the fact that I have no family left.

LUPITA NYONG'O

...

LETITIA WRIGHT

Ugh okay fine, bring out my replacement.

DIVINE LOVE KONADU-SUN

Hi there! I've got a cool historical Haitian name, but no one cares about that. More importantly, I’m ALSO called Prince T’Challa! Look for me to team up with Chris Hemsworth's kid and Anthony Mackie's nephews in AVENGERS: SECRET CHRISTMAS WARS, coming December 2038!! We are planning AHEAD.

END (FOR REAL) (WE PROMISE) (THERE'S NO POST-CREDITS SCENE) (AND NO DOCTOR DOOM)