FADE IN:

INT. MOVIE THEATRE - EARTH

The crowd of MCU FANS settle in, ready for another zany escapist frothy Marvel popcorn light-hearted quips-'N'-quirks wacky no-stakes breezy inconsequential har-har bubbly weightless tee-hee floof fluff lubbidy dubbidy

BABY RACCOONS

(trapped shivering in cage)

WE ARE SO COLD AND SCARED

(pitiful sad eyes fill movie screen as a GIANT HAND descends upon them)

SMALL CHILDREN IN AUDIENCE

(scarred for life)

This is our generation's Wonka Tunnel, isn't it.

INT. KNOWHERE, AKA THE CITY THAT LIVES INSIDE AN ENORMOUS CORPSE SKULL, AKA GUARDIANS "HEAD"-QUARTERS, GET IT? BECAUSE IT'S A GIANT HEAD

We follow BRADLEY RACCOOPER working his way around the NECROPOLIS as we catch up on our heroes following the pivotal events of the GUARDIANS HOLIDAY SPECIAL, OH YOU DIDN'T SKIP THAT ONE DID YOU, IF YOU DID HAHAHA TOO FUCKING BAD

BRADLEY RACOOPER

Let's at least catch everyone up on our current status. I've made grav-boots that let anyone on the ceiling stay securely latched to the ceiling, like so! I also continue to refuse to learn what a raccoon is.

MECHAREN GILLAN

As is tradition with any Marvel character with any kind of tech, I have used the gap between stories to level up my tech.

POM KLEMONTIEFF

I've been seeing how far I can push my "emotion control" powers until they just become straight-up MMMMMMMMMIIIIND control powers. I think the boundary was about half a movie ago.

BUFF VIN TRIESEL

I am brute!

SEAN GUNN

I continue to fail at using Michael Rooster's death chopstick, arrgh I'll NEVER do it!

(winks)

DAVE BLUETISTA

I continue to insist dancing is stupid, I'll NEVER do it!

(winks)

CHRIS PRATT

(drunkenly)

And Icontinueto shmurgl flkh blurp

(collapses)

POM KLEMONTIEFF

Poor Chris, he still hasn't come to terms with how Zoe Saladana got killed off and replaced by Zoe Saladana with a tilda.

DAVE BLUETISTA

I thought Tilda got killed off too?

MECHAREN GILLAN

NOT TILDA SWINTON YOU IDIOT, TILDA THE PUNCTUATION sorry, James Gunn demands we scream at each other at least once per scene.

SEAN GUNN

And let's welcome back Russian Space Dog Maria Bakalova! I'll be a total dick to her until the last second when I'm not, in keeping with how all our other friendships work.

MARIA BARKALOVA

Da, is most reassuring formula. So glad to be here, look forward to much contribution to story.

Everyone tucks CHRIS into bed and BRADLEY barely has time to fire up the second song on the playlist when suddenly GOLDEN WILL POULTER of the OSCAR STATUETTE ALIENS attacks!!

WILL GOLDTER

ARGH I HAVE BEEN SENT BY MY MOM, BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE, TO CAPTURE YOU BRADLEY!

(zaps, pummels)

MECHAREN GILLAN

SHIT! Quickly, fellow Guardians, everyone attack Will exactly one at a time!

WILL calmly wipes the floor with the GUARDIANS until finally MECHAREN stabs him with a TONY STARK SPECIAL and he flies away. But in the chaos BRADLEY has been mortally wounded!

POM KLEMONTIEFF

Fuck, Bradley took a direct hit from Will's zap ray! He should just be a skeleton covered in dripping barbecued flesh!

DAVE BLUETISTA

Nope, that's later on. Yes Bradley's dying but we didn't want to make extra work for the animation team so outwardly he looks the same.

MECHAREN GILLAN

(scanning)

We can't use our med-tech, there's a kill switch inside Bradley that would go off! Also the diagnostic found some of his tweets from like 10 years ago that REALLY didn't age well so maybe we should just let him-

CHRIS PRATT

(squinting at hastily-added hand-scribbled lines)

NO NO NO, er, horrible old tweets are no reason to give up on someone! Uh, everyone deserves a second chance, especially if one of their names sounds like some kind of weapon!

MECHAREN GILLAN

It seems the kill-switch was made by Orgotech and we need a passcode to deactivate it and save our friend.

CHRIS PRATT

(nods)

So let's go to Orgotech, get the passcode, and save our friend. Bradley only has 48 hours to live so we gotta go RIGHT NOW, we can't waste precious minutes to grab my space helmet or rocket boots or Mecharen's robo-wings or anything that might dramatically improve our odds of success!

POM KLEMONTIEFF

You're right, we must immediately go to Orgotech to get the passcode to save our friend.

DAVE BLUETISTA

Wait I think someone in the back row was distracted WE ARE GOING TO ORGOTECH TO GET THE PASSCODE AND SAVE OUR FRIEND NOW

INT. FLASHBACK TO BABY ROCKET AND SPOILER ALERT THIS IS NOT GONNA BE NOT SO MUCH BABY YODA TERRITORY AS MORE JK SIMMONS WHIPLASH TERRITORY

BABY RACCOOPER is solving complex math shit for HIGH EVOLUTIONARY CHUKWUDI IWUJI.

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

Ah yes, my experiments to create a hyper-intelligent brain are nearing fruition! Mwah ha. Meanwhile my experiments where I put random steampunk limbs on tiny cute animals are going... fine I guess? Not really sure what I'm trying to achieve there.

BABY RACCOOPER

Those tiny animals are my friends! We play tag and give ourselves cute adorkable names, and dream of flying together into a new life of bliss and safety and joy and perpetual motion machines and magic ice cream and a functional Twitter.

(sighs innocently)

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

Oh wow. I think I'll let you and your pals, aka Batch 89, twist in the wind a bit longer, this is too good. Just keep not asking yourself where Batches 1 through 88 went.

EXT. ORGOTECH "HEAD" QUARTERS, BECAUSE IT'S ALL ORGANIC MATERIAL AND SO IS A HUMAN HEAD, OK MAYBE THAT ONE DOESN'T QUITE WORK - PRESENT DAY

The GUARDIANS successfully breach THREE SEPARATE LAYERS OF SHIELD like a HOT KNIFE THROUGH SEVEN-LAYER DIP in keeping with the MCU's perpetual disrespect of SHIELD.

MECHAREN GILLAN

Now that we've passed the shields we can meet our contact, ZOE SALADANA WHAAAT plus Stallone and a few dozen Ravagers, one of whom can generate teleportation portals which would make this job hella easy and why isn't THAT guy our contact?

CHRIS PRATT

Why are we meeting them INSIDE the shields? Isn't that like a bank-heist team breaking into the bank first, before planning or meeting each other?

SYLVESTER STALLONE

No it's totally different, more like an escape plan. Remember everyone, we're here to help get the passcode to save their friend. Passcode. Friend. Okay I'm done, catch you next time.

(vanishes)

ZOE SALADANA

I hope you realize I'm only helping for the money. This version of me never heard the Pina Colada song so I had no choice but to become a raging violent loner!

(cuts class)

(smokes in bathroom)

The TEAM don special RAINBOW SPACESUITS to enrage various STATE GOVERNORS and spacewalk over to ORGOTECH, cutting a hole in the side and getting BLUETISTA stuck and tripping off various alarms GOSH A PORTAL WOULD SURE COME IN HANDY HERE.

HEAD GUARD NATHAN FILLION

Freeze! I have only one lame joke in this movie and I'm not afraid to use it, MULTIPLE times! The joke is, I hate my underling! I hate him SOOOO MUCH! Yeah I should have held out for Wonder Man.

CHRIS and the gang bullshit their way past NATHAN and enact their PLAN.

DAVE BLUETISTA

Pom and I will find the spaceport even though we seemed to know the entire layout of this place going in.

POM KLEMONTIEFF

And I'll be sure to add some "gay panic" humour direct from the 1980s, to make up for the rainbow suits.

CHRIS PRATT

Perfect. Meanwhile the rest of us will get the passcode to save our friend.

They successfully acquire a GLOWY FILE BALL from RATCATCHER 2 but it turns out that CHUKWUDI--having been informed of WILL GOLDTER'S failure--has put out an APB on the GUARDIANS, something he really should have done AGES AGO!!

NATHAN FILLION

Okay I lied, I ALSO have a really big gun. Now to shoot Bluetista into a pool of yellow goop like in the classic original "Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy" (2014)!

MECHAREN GILLAN

Oh shit, meanwhile we're being bombarded while holed up in the control room like in the unlikely blockbuster hit "Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy" (2014)!

CHRIS PRATT

Don't worry, I'll hack the system and make all the guards float around like in the smash success beloved by critics and audiences alike "Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy" (2014)!

Our heroes ESCAPE and heal all their fatal wounds with space med-tech, what did you think someone was about to DIE?!? I mean Gunn has carte blanche to kill off anyone he wants so SOMEONE'S SURELY GONNA DIE, RIGHT???

INT. THE GUARDIANS' SPACESHIP

MECHAREN GILLAN

(scanning)

Shit, one of Chukwudi's henchfucks took the passcode out of the file so we're back to square one and that WHOLE DAMN NONSENSE with Orgotech was completely useless, stupid henchfuck.

ZOE SALADANA

Well I've done my part so I'm outie! Please drive me back to Ravagerville thanks.

CHRIS PRATT

Can't, we have to get the passcode and--

ZOE SALADANA

AND SAVE YOUR FRIEND YES FUCK OFF ALREADY HOLY SHIT is that your version of "I am Groot" where I'm hearing the same words ten million times but it means different things??

CHRIS PRATT

Why are you so mean? I'm really struggling to accept you don't remember anything about us, even though you're a completely different person with a different life who just happens to look like the woman I loved.

ZOE SALADANA

Have you tried thinking of me as her identical twin sister?

CHRIS PRATT

(blinks)

Oh yeah, that works. Thanks! Right, we need to figure out where to go next.

POM KLEMONTIEFF

(reaches into own ass)

I've found Chukwudi's coordinates! Let's go!

ZOE SALADANA

Ugh FINE.

(radios)

Attention any single random Ravager, please track this and come get me, and please don't have the catastrophically bad luck to be the only Ravager captured by our sworn enemies.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

(on radio)

Oh no, I'm sure... THAT... didn't happen, ha ha ha, MWAH HA HA HA

ZOE SALADANA

Damn, she didn't even disguise her voice or anything. Welp I've just brought down a serious threat on our heads, I should

(naps)

INT. BABY RACCOOPER FLASHBACK

CHUKWUDI shows his latest experiments to BABY RACCOOPER to the accompaniment of Henry Purcell's "When I Am Laid in Earth" which is a PRETTY HUGE GOOF by the movie since the soundtrack is CLEARLY labelled as a LATE-20TH-EARLY-21ST-CENTURY MIX and DIDO AND AENEAS was first performed in 1689, way to do your research guys.

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

As you see we take various animals, and force them to experience thousands of years of evolution in mere seconds, mutating every bone in their body in the blink of an eye. For some reason they come out all cranky.

BABY RACCOOPER

Oh here's your problem, this tube is feeding them Mountain Dew Baja Blast instead of Purple Thunder like it's supposed to.

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

You solved it! But HOWWW?!? How did you super-smart brain have an original solution to a problem, something super-smart brains have never done before ever!! HOWWWWW!!!!! That's it, fuck the rest, chuck 'em in the incinerator, all that matters is this specific brain!!

HENCH UNDERLINGIARY MIRIAM SHOR

But what if the power of friendship is what unlocked the hidden potential in this subject where our others failed, why not pamper Batch 89 if this simple kindness will in fact allow you to create your hyper-advanced Colony, allegedly your ultimate goal in all this?

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

I'm playing a space alien who chose to have a British accent, CLEARLY I'm pure evil.

EXT. COUNTER-EARTH

The GUARDIANS discover an almost exact copy of EARTH if it had been overrun by FURRIES. They slap their 80,000-ton SPACESHIP down on top of a suburban neighbourhood and somehow manage NOT to immediately crush multiple houses.

CHRIS PRATT

Attention assorted creatures! We are here to find the passcode and save our friend. Oh and if we could squeeze in some wacky "fish out of water" comedy hijinks that'd be great too.

GENETICALLY ENGINEERED FISH-PERSON LIVING JUST FINE ON DRY LAND THANK YOU VERY MUCH

(huffs)

CHRIS PRATT

Anyhoo we're looking for a guy with a computer in his head, someone with advanced tech that works in some kind of high-tech structure. Can anyone help?

BIRD-ANIMAL PERSON

Hm I dunno, that's a tough one. Well it's a long shot, but perhaps you should check the GIANT FUTURISTIC THIRTY-STOREY-TALL HIGH-TECH STRUCTURE RIGHT THE FUCK OVER THERE IN PLAIN FUCKING SIGHT, CAN YOU STOP CONCUSSING OUR CHILDREN AND WRECKING OUR HOMES NOW AND JUST GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT

CHRIS PRATT

Huh, that's pretty amazing that with an entire planet to choose from, we happened to land within eyeshot of our goal and then not even notice. Okay, Vin and Mecharen and I will head over there, and since our main ship can split off three smaller ships, let's take this family's beatup shitbox car instead.

INT. BABY RACCOOPER FLASHBACK, AND YES IT'S TIME FOR THAT NINETY-TON SHOE TO FINALLY DROP

BABY breaks the bad news to his friends while turning some random scrap stolen right under his captor's nose into a MINIATURE ARC REACTOR OVERRIDE KEY!

LINDA OTTERDELLINI

This is awesome! Nothing can stop us except a full-sized human being walking up without any of us notic

(dead)

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

(wielding oddly mundane gun)

Guards, seize them! Back into your cage, Baby Raccooper!

BABY RACCOOPER

NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER!!!

(shreds Chukwudi's face)

(takes gun, kills guards)

But after the firefight BABY looks behind him and sees DARK BLOBS THAT QUITE HEAVILY IMPLY HIS OTHER FRIENDS HAVE SOMEHOW DIED, PROBABLY FROM STRAY GUNSHOTS!! In his grief BABY flees, having completed his origin story (oh also he met VIN TRIESEL at an invitational Scrabble tournament a few years later, it was hilarious really because VIN was playing GROOT every turn but insisting it meant different things that scored better? But anyway where were we)!

INT. CHUKWUDI'S "HEAD" QUARTERS, GET IT, UM BECAUSE HE HAS A FAKE HEAD STRETCHED OVER HIS REAL HEAD OR SOMETHING

CHRIS and VIN are brought before CHUKWUDI, the guards' scanners having spotted MECHAREN'S plainly visible weapons but having totally missed VIN'S arsenal hidden behind a piece of wood, maybe apply some of that EVOLUTIONARY TECH to your fucking SCANNERS.

VIN TRIESEL

I can shoot?

CHRIS PRATT

Fuck yeah, we're not at the end of the movie so we don't have to be all noble yet. KILL EVERYONE AW YEAHH!!!!

VIN sets off a BOMB, pops out his GUNS and he and PRATT start MURDERING! CHUKWUDI uses his GRAV-POWERS to clear debris but by then our heroes have JUMPED OUT!

CHRIS PRATT

AND I GRABBED HENCHFUCK GUY BECAUSE WE'RE STILL ALLOWED TO MURDER YAY!! Quick Vin, grow wings juuust big enough that we survive but still have enough speed to BURY THIS FUCK'S FUCKING BRAIN IN THE FUCKING EARTH

(does so)

Sure hope that didn't damage the computer with the passcode to save our friend in it.

INT. GUARDIANS SHIP

PRATT and VIN reunite with ZOE and they finally use the PASSCODE to SAVE THEIR FRIEND!!

BRADLEY RACCOOPER

(reviving)

Oh phew, I ran out of flashback scenes so I was worried I'd have nothing to do the rest of the movie. Nice timing guys!

MECHAREN GILLAN

(on intercom)

Yay Bradley's alive! This good news easily outweighs the facts that Dave, Pom, and I have been captured by Chukwudi and he demands Bradley in exchange. Oh also he's wiping out everything on the planet so I guess that's important too.

CHRIS PRATT

Well dammit, guess we have to go save our friends!! Wait, do we need a passcode?

ZOE SALADANA

Even though I'm clearly gonna help, I feel I should continue my new tradition of arguing about it first! Never heard Mister Blue Sky, etcetera.

INT. BACK AT CHUKWUDI'S HQ WHICH IS NOW IN ORBIT SO GUESS HE'S THE "EVEN HIGHER" EVOLUTIONARY NOW

CHUKWUDI'S BASE has taken off and become a SPACESHIP so that it can fight OTHER SPACESHIPS, including the GUARDIANS who are finally using their MULTI-SPACESHIP formation!

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

Ha ha, my giant ship will easily stomp those puny ships.

MIRIAM SHOR

(scanning)

Um apparently Knowhere ALSO turned into a spaceship so it could fight spaceships, including us. It just blew a giant hole in our hull.

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

Oops. Summon Will Goldter!

MIRIAM SHOR

Well, you exploded his Mom back on the planet so he's not in a good headspace right now? Plus Pratt exploded him directly so he needs a nap.

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

Fuck. What if we feed the hostages to giant beasties?

MIRIAM SHOR

Besides that being a self-ass-biting plan, it also backfired spectacularly because Pom charmed the beasties so they escaped and now have beastie allies.

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

SHIT. Okay okay, what if we all stab ourselves in the eye with screwdrivers?

MIRIAM SHOR

FUCK THIS I'M OUT. Who's up for mutiny? Lara? Mutiny? Bob, you in on this?

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

BLAARRRRGH TEMPER TANTRUM POWERS ACTIVATE

(vaporizes entire bridge crew)

Phew. That sure is a formidable power to use against a group of enemies, hope it lasts beyond this one scene.

Elsewhere on board, the GUARDIANS are finally RE-UNITED!

POM KLEMONTIEFF

Chris, there's tons of kid prisoners aboard! They don't have bizarre cyber-limbs or furry tails but I think we should rescue them.

BRADLEY RACCOOPER

Well I'm done running. Besides I whupped this asshole when I was a five-pound baby, this shouldn't be too hard.

They do the traditional COOL HERO SLO-MO WALKING MONTAGE towards a nearby DOOR which opens to reveal a hallway FULL OF GUARDS and HIDEOUSLY MUTATED-ENGINEERED BEASTIE THINGS!

CHRIS PRATT

Awright more murder! KILL 'EM ALL GANG, remember they're just genetically engineered killing machines!

ZOE SALADANA

But isn't the whole point of this story that even beings that might at first appear grotesque and scary shouldn't be judged by our own preconceptions and

CHRIS PRATT

JUST START KILLING PLEASE WE GOT A WHOLE ELABORATE CHOREOGRAPHY PLANNED which strangely does not include a SINGLE Batista-bomb.

While the GUARDIANS begin SLAUGHTERING, some of the PURE EVIL BEASTIES are attacking the city of KNOWHERE itself!

SEAN GUNN

Damn if only I could use the pointy stick of death! If only Rooster had told someone the secret of using this weapon, someone who could have mentioned it to me sometime over the past eight years!

VISION OF MICHAEL ROOSTER

Aw, Chris just wanted me to get a cameo, that's all. Ahem. Use your heart, boy!!

SEAN unlocks the MURDER NEEDLE but it gets stuck just as the HEAD FINAL BEASTIE attacks!

SEAN GUNN

Shit. I guess now that I'm in imminent mortal danger, it's time to be nice to Maria.

MARIA BARKALOVA

Da thank you, I smoosh beastie with telekinesis now!

(smooshes)

And now I make telekinetic bridge between our giant ships!

(bridges)

See?? I totally integral to story!

The GUARDIANS usher the children to safety but BRADLEY stumbles across the animal wing, and finds his ORIGINAL CAGE, which his old OVERRIDE KEY manages to open!

BRADLEY RACCOOPER

Oh wow just like the very start of the movie, it's my own cage. But now I can save you guys and gain closure.

CHUKWUDI IWUJI

(appearing)

Yes, it was a lot of work to find a set of brand-new raccoons and so precisely mimic the cage you were originally in, since the rest of your batch is looooong since dead. But anyway, I grav-zap you now! You are helpless!

BRADLEY RACCOOPER

This is why I built my grav-boots to have a button to ignore any gravity I personally don't like.

(draws big gun)

The name's Rocket. Rocket... Raccoon.

(pause)

Fuck, imagine telling someone in 2013 that an entire trilogy would build up to that moment.

BRADLEY shoots CHUKWUDI and ALL THE GUARDIANS show up and UTTERLY, RUTHLESSLY DEMOLISH CHUKWUDI INTO TINY BITS since with his grav-powers nullified he's basically just some random asshole.

ZOE SALADANA

Feels like we shoulda just started with this strategy.

DAVE BLUETISTA

All right, headshot this fuck and let's go!

BRADLEY RACCOOPER

(nobly)

No... I won't kill him. Because I'm... a GUARDIAN aw fuck we waited too close to the end of the movie.

MECHAREN GILLAN

We could just leave him lying here while the ship explodes around us, people will probably barely notice.

CHRIS PRATT

Fine whatever, but NOW can we just leave please?

BRADLEY RACCOOPER

(checking updates)

Sorry, but the AGDQ charity speedrun just voted 55% in favour of Save the Animals, we gotta get them too.

They RESCUE all the ANIMALS but at the very last second PRATT realizes he dropped his ZUNE player and goes back! With MARIA BARKALOVA exhausted, he desperately leaps off the exploding ship but hits DEBRIS and is left floating in space!

CHRIS PRATT

(icing up)

POM KLEMONTIEFF

Noooo!! But it's not too late, he survived that much before-

CHRIS PRATT

(cheeks, face puffing outwards into giant balloon)

(intestines crystallizing, shattering)

DAVE BLUETISTA

It is the third movie after all, and Gunn WAS given carte blanche-

CHRIS PRATT

(eyes popping like grapes)

(lungs oozing out mouth)

WILL GOLDTER

Oh hey, I woke up too late to help with the kids or animals but I don't suppose anyone stayed back to rescue some outdated personal electronics that I could rescue?

WILL flies CHRIS back onto KNOWHERE and all of PRATT'S organs re-form and he's FINE! HAHAHA NONE OF THE GOOD GUYS DIE AFTER ALL SUCKERS!!!!

INT. KNOWHERE, HOURS LATER AFTER FIGURING OUT WHERE ALL THE NEW ANIMALS WILL BE TAKING THEIR SHITS

The GUARDIANS meet up at the bar to wrap things up.

CHRIS PRATT

I've decided to FINALLY return to Earth and check in on my grampa Gregg Henry before he says "Missouri isn't a place, it's a people" and vanishes into stardust.

POM KLEMONTIEFF

I too am leaving. I must discover who I truly am and learn to be self-reliant. I shall travel... alone.

(pause)

Obviously I'm taking my giant beastie pets with me, I'm not a fucking idiot.

MECHAREN GILLAN

I'm not "leaving" leaving, but I have decided to be Mayor of Knowhere so I'll be too busy taking construction kickbacks to be a Guardian full-time.

DAVE BLUETISTA

I shall honour the memory of my late wife and daughter by becoming a Dad to all the children we rescued. I mean there's only, what, a few hundred of them? I better get a list of their birthdays started.

ZOE SALADANA

This has been fun getting to know y'all but I'll be returning to Ravager "Head"-quarters, one of us is a floating head you see, because there's rumours we might get Miley Cyrus back.

VIN TRIESEL

And check this out, now the audience can understand me! Funny how as soon as I say anything besides "I am Groot" you immediately hear Dominic Toretto, huh?

BRADLEY RACCOOPER

So I guess this is the end of an era after all. I'll just have to scrape together whatever random leftovers I can find to make a new team...

HOWARD THE DUCK

(waves)

BRADLEY RACCOOPER

Okay yes we're all about acceptance and family but WE HAVE LIMITS, DUDE.

END (BUT NOT REALLY)

INT. MID-CREDITS SCENE

BRADLEY, JUMBO-VIN, MARIA, WILL, SEAN, and that one kid whose power was she could speak the most gibberish or something? -- form the mostly-new kinda-different GUARDIANS 2.0!

BRADLEY RACCOOPER

Huh, so everyone else gets to move on and I'm stuck doing more Guardians movies?

(looks at rest of team)

Well maybe I don't need to worry.

END (BUT STILL NOT REALLY)

EXT. POST-CREDITS SCENE - EARTH, GREGG HENRY HEAD-"QUART"-ERS BECAUSE THEY ARE HAVING BREAKFAST WITH A QUART OF MILK

After the LONGEST GUARDIANS MOVIE YET, patient fans are rewarded with... CHRIS PRATT WILL RETURN.

GREGG HENRY

Seriously? Just you? You're like, the single LEAST interesting character that could possibly return, and I'm including Carrot Head Guard.

CHRIS PRATT

(eating cereal)

Wait till you see me tackle the role of Jack Russell Terrier in the live-action Nintendogs remake!

END