FADE IN:

INT. DESATURATED DYSTOPIA LAND, HOME OF THE PUG-FUGGOS

JOEY KING examines her decidedly not ugly REFLECTION.

JOEY KING

Hmmm. Well, my cherubic cheeks will definitely have to go. That gaunt hollow look is still all the way in. And my hair just isn't long and blond enough for me to do Herbal Essences commercials. And I think I'll ask for new eyes in a much trendier shade of blue. Less light denim, more light periwinkle.

Her friend CHASE STOKES enters.

JOEY KING

Oh, COME ON. A tiny prosthetic bump on your nose can't make up for the fact that you look like a member of a One Direction expy in a different book.

CHASE STOKES

But once I get that bump surgified off tomorrow, they'll finally let me into one of those cool glitter parties they're always having in Oversaturated Utopia Land across the river. And then three months later, when they surgify your average eyes into giant Disney Princess tennis ball eyes, you'll get in too.

JOEY KING

You won't forget our obvious but unfulfilled mutual attraction when you're glittering it up every night, will you? Stupid question, of course you will. See ya.

INT. OVERSATURATED UTOPIA LAND, HOME OF THE HOTTIE SUPERFREAKS

One month later, JOEY sneaks in and finds CHASE.

CHASE STOKES

Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

JOEY KING

Just checking.

ALARM SYSTEM

WARNING. LEVEL EIGHT-OUT-OF-TEN PUG-FUGGO BREACH. ALL HOTTIE SUPERFREAKS, REPORT FOR DECONTAMINATION. GIANT DRONE AND LED-MASKED EURO DJ SECURITY FORCE, PROCEED TO COOL GLITTER PARTY.

JOEY hightails it out of there and is rescued by fellow Pug-Fuggo BRIANNE TJU.

BRIANNE TJU

Good thing I just happened to be here to save you. Let's sneak into the kitchen and eat all the food. Nobody in this Brezhnev-era monstrosity of an apartment block will notice.

JOEY KING

Sounds good to me! I can just get them to freeze off the ensuing cellulite once I become a Hottie Superfreak.

BRIANNE TJU

You know, I've been thinking about that, and I don't think being a Hottie Superfreak is such a good deal. I'm not gonna do it.

JOEY KING

Hello? Cool glitter parties?

BRIANNE TJU

Not my scene. Instead I'm gonna go to Normally Color-Graded Topia Land to be one with the small bit of nature that previous generations' lust for fossil fuels didn't ruin. Yes, this is a Peak Oil movie too.

JOEY KING

But who lives there? More Pug-Fuggos?

BRIANNE TJU

Oh, it has many other castes who didn't get surgified into being shallow and ignorant. Not just the Pug-Fuggos, but the Sportos, the Motorheads, Geeks, Sluts, Bloods, Wasteoids, Dweebies, and even the Dickheads. You should come too.

JOEY KING

I dunno. Even if our benevolent overlords didn't convince us that Normally Color-Graded Topia Land was a myth we should stop thinking about, I don't think I'd want to go there.

BRIANNE TJU

Not even knowing Keith Powers is in charge? He's a wonderful person who lets everyone live as they please without judgment or control. He's just like the guy who wrote the other classic story we're ripping off as a substitute for building our own world.

JOEY KING

So?

BRIANNE TJU

And I don't have a picture or anything, but he looks like a Hottie Superfreak despite technically being a Pug-Fuggo.

JOEY KING

Huh. Interesting. Unfortunately, I'm even more shallow and ignorant than that, so it's a no from me. But I promise you can be my plus-one to all the cool glitter parties when you come to your senses.

(leaves)

INT. SURGIFICATION DAY

While waiting to begin her FUGGECTOMY, JOEY is confronted by head of surgification DR. LAVERNE COX.

JOEY KING

Uh, Laverne? Are you sure you wanna be playing the Big Bad in a movie where the single sledge-hammered message is that any and all body modification is pure evil? I mean what with

(gestures at world)

DR. LAVERNE COX

Oh hush, everyone's already forgotten this movie even while it's still happening. Now here's the deal: We know Brianne missed her appointment, and we know you know why. You're going to incriminate her for us before you get so much as a whiff of nitrous oxide. That means going to Normally Color-Graded Topia Land and finding her before that Keith guy finishes the weapon of mass destruction he's totally for sure building right now.

JOEY KING

But you always said that place was a myth we should stop thinking about. Knowing that was a lie, why should I trust anything else you say?

DR. LAVERNE COX

Because I have the power to give you the light periwinkle eyes you've always wanted. Or not.

JOEY KING

Well, maybe Brianne was right and I should just go there on my own. She's obviously more trustworthy, and she promised I might see an unsurgified Hottie Superfreak.

DR. LAVERNE COX

And indeed you might. But I've got a better one right here.

(snaps fingers)

CHASE enters.

JOEY KING

I'll do it.

DR. LAVERNE COX

Now I don't mean to pressure you, but the surgification covers your ENTIRE body, and Chase here--wait, what did you say?

JOEY KING

I said, I'll do it. You had me when his foot crossed the threshold.

DR. LAVERNE COX

You're a YA heroine. Aren't you supposed to be of at least middling intelligence?

JOEY KING

"Intelligence"?

EXT. NORMALLY COLOR-GRADED TOPIA LAND

JOEY arrives and meets KEITH POWERS, accompanied by BRIANNE.

JOEY KING

Damn, Brianne wasn't kidding. Who would ever call you a Pug-Fuggo? You look like a younger Eric Benét.

KEITH POWERS

Not important. Now, Laverne wasn't totally lying about that weapon of mass destruction. I've got a giant Truth Bomb, and I'm going to test it on you later.

BRIANNE TJU

Keith, maybe we should keep that to ourselves. She made a very arduous trek here that most people wouldn't survive without very high-end camping gear. She could be a spy for the overlords.

JOEY KING

I'm not. I'm so not a spy for the overlords that I don't care if I ever get surgified.

KEITH POWERS

Good enough for me. Nobody who lies that unconvincingly could be a spy.

JOEY spends the next few days enjoying COOKOUTS, OUTDOOR SKILL SESSIONS, and WHOLESOMELY MILD SEXUAL TENSION with KEITH.

BRIANNE TJU

Joey, are you sure you're actually into all this? The last time we talked, your actual line was "I don't want to be free, I want to be pretty." Those were the words that came out of your mouth.

JOEY KING

But didn't Keith have a point? I fall for everything I ever hear, at least within 20 feet of a hot guy. I'm here now, so you can tell me whatever you want and I'll believe it. Considering I still have a direct line to the overlords, isn't that a little more useful than waiting for me to stand on principle?

BRIANNE TJU

You know what? You're right. Keith, test the Truth Bomb.

KEITH POWERS

Okay, here goes: The surgification literally does make people shallow and ignorant, and that's exactly what the overlords want, for the most part. Sometimes, when they need extra overlords, they turn a few Hottie Superfreaks into SMART Hottie Superfreaks. My parents were two of them, and they've been working on a surgification reversal that will get everyone back to being however smart or ignorant they were in the first place. That'll make our world less easy to categorize, but we believe superficial top-down societal categorization is a bad thing. Now since you do have that direct overlord line, we figure we can use you as a spy the way they've used you as a spy, only in a good way. Also the special flower they invented to replace oil actually makes the world dirtier, and I don't really know why I'm bringing that up because that facet of the story has barely gotten 30 seconds of screen time so far. So, you in?

JOEY KING

Yes.

KEITH POWERS

Would you have been in if I didn't look like a younger Eric Benét?

JOEY KING

I might have asked one clarifying question, but still yes.

LAVERNE shows up with CHASE.

DR. LAVERNE COX

Not so fast, hippies. I've just made Chase hotter, stronger, AND dumber. You'll never stop me now. Joey, dear, Haitian immigrants steal and eat household pets.

JOEY KING

Let's shoot them.

DR. LAVERNE COX

See?

KEITH POWERS

Okay, fine, she's useless. But so what? You can't surgify us all.

DR. LAVERNE COX

I totally can. None of those skill sessions included actually fighting the overlords you were hiding from. On to the giant futuristic hoverbuses you all go. And once I'm finished with you, Keith, you'll look nothing like Eric Benét.

JOEY KING

NOOOOOOOOO!!!

DR. LAVERNE COX

(waits)

So, uh, you gonna shoot me dead in the brain with a crossbow the way Keith taught you?

JOEY KING

For whatever reason, NOOOOOOOOO!!!

She and KEITH run off into the WOODS.

JOEY KING

Okay. New plan. We go to Oversaturated Utopia Land. Not sure how, because we're not boarding any of the hoverbuses, but we do. Once we're there, we rescue everyone, then we find that last ingredient for the reversal and save the world. Then you and I get married and raise wonderfully photogenic children in freedom and peace. How's that?

KEITH POWERS

But they're not coming after us. Can't we just stay and enjoy our reinvented kibbutz?

JOEY KING

Those cool glitter parties always have bowls of punch big enough for you to take a shit in.

KEITH POWERS

Let's move.

INT. OVERSATURATED UTOPIA LAND

JOEY and KEITH arrive to find that BRIANNE has already been surgified.

BRIANNE TJU

Ewww, Pug-Fuggos. So cringe. No rizz. You're not bussin' at all.

KEITH POWERS

THAT's how Hottie Superfreaks talk? And you wanted this?

JOEY KING

Find that last ingredient NOW so we can reverse the stupid right out of her.

BRIANNE TJU

Don't be delulu, Joey. A cure would be so cheugy. I'm gonna dip.

(dips)

JOEY KING

Okay, NEW new plan. I get surgified, you test the cure on me, and THEN we save the world.

KEITH POWERS

But if you get surgified, you'll likely become even more useless. Maybe someone in this story could make it through that procedure without forgetting they ever concocted a plan like this, but that someone ain't you.

JOEY KING

You wanna do it?

KEITH POWERS

You want me to do it?

JOEY KING

No. You're perfect. So I'm the best we've got.

She gets surgified.

JOEY KING

I know, I look fire now, but I'm still finna save the world, FRFR.

KEITH POWERS

What?

JOEY KING

I SAID, despite this glow-up, I'm still granola, and my commitment to the mission will make you say "gyat."

KEITH POWERS

...WHAT?!

JOEY KING

(sighs)

Against all odds, I've overcome being completely useless, and I'm still on board with the reversal test.

KEITH POWERS

Well, you did formulate that sentence. I'm convinced.

JOEY KING

YAAS!

END