FADE IN:

EXT. OCEAN

A NINETEENTH-CENTURY SAILING SHIP is sailing towards FINANCIAL SALVATION, carrying its precious cargo of THE ENTIRE DISNEY ANIMATION STUDIO.

SAILORS

(to the tune of “Fathoms Below”)

Despite random flukes like The Fox and the Hound

Disney's been on the rocks, as you know

Now Ashman and Menken will turn it around

Disney Renaissance time, here we go!

Let’s go!

Let’s go!

Where musical numbers don’t blow!

You can keep Billy Joel

Cause we’re doing a whole

Disney Renaissance, now here we go!

The camera descends into the WATER, down to the OCEAN FLOOR, where we find a VERY PHALLIC KINGDOM populated by MERPEOPLE! KING KENNETH MARS and his court composer crab SAMUEL E. WRIGHT are putting on a concert starring his daughter JODI BENSON and her ABSOLUTELY IRRELEVANT SISTERS.

IRRELEVANT SISTERS

(to the tune of “Daughters of Triton”)

We are the spare kids of Kenneth!

Let’s sing ten notes each, and then disappear!

Anonymous!

(random singing)

Interchangeable!

(humming)

Indistinguishable!

(warbling)

Generic!

(crooning)

Forgettable!

(scatting)

Redundant!

(vocal exercises)

Aside from one scene later, we’ll be gone and won’t be missed!

It’s not completely clear exactly why we all exist!

Oh well, it’s time to introduce the one who’s worth a mention:

It’s our sister, Jodi-

They open a STAGE CLAM to reveal NO JODI BENSON.

KENNETH MARS

...Samuel, when you were setting up for the concert, did Jodi not even show? Not for wardrobe or makeup or even to get loaded into the clam?

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

Apparently not.

KENNETH MARS

And somehow nobody noticed this?

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

(shrugs)

I’m as confused as you are.

EXT. SUNKEN WRECK

Meanwhile, at that moment, JODI is actually exploring a SHIPWRECK with her fish pal JASON MARIN. They happen upon a SKELETON and JASON freaks out.

JODI BENSON

Oh chill out, it’s just a human corpse. With my addiction to shipwrecks, we’ve probably encountered dozens of human corpses in various stages of decay. Now calm down and help me graverob.

(loots)

JASON MARIN

You’re ice fucking cold, Jodi.

Suddenly a SHARK attacks! They manage to EVADE THE SHARK and leave it trapped in a SLAPSTICK NOOSE.

JODI BENSON

Ha, serves you right for being a mean old fish-eater! Creatures that eat fish to survive are evil! Now let’s go show our haul to our friend the seagull, whose diet consists of primarily fish.

They go to the SURFACE and show what they found to SEAGULL BUDDY HACKETT.

BUDDY HACKETT

Ah, human stuff! I will now pretend to know what these items are, and assign them nonsense names like “dinglehopper” and “snarfblatt.”

JODI BENSON

Wait a minute, how can you make up names like that? You’re physically incapable of making those sounds, like you and I aren’t actually meant to be conversing in English right now are we? Shouldn’t you be naming all these things “AAAAaaaAAAAWWWK”?

Suddenly she remembers the CONCERT she flaked on, and hurries HOME.

INT. THRONE ROOM

KENNETH is mad at JODI for her preoccupation with HUMAN STUFF.

JODI BENSON

Why must you be so controlling and disapproving of a habit that honestly could get me killed, and in the last scene nearly did? I’m sixteen years old now, and that makes me old enough to know exactly what I want from life! Why, what a sixteen-year-old girl is obsessed with will always be what’s important to her forever, and she should be allowed to make all her life decisions there and then, don’t you understand that? UGH, PARENTS!

(storms off)

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

You know, sire, maybe it’s not the best idea to let a member of the royal family wander around completely unattended. Shouldn’t she have a bodyguard or something?

KENNETH MARS

You’re right! And for that task, I assign YOU, the court composer who is a tiny crab who we’ve established Jodi doesn’t listen to.

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

This is the guy in charge of decision-making for the entire ocean, people.

INT. CAVERN

SAMUEL tails JODI, who is somehow not way too fast for a TINY CRAB to keep up with, to a CAVERN where she places her latest PLUNDER on a shelf which is already laden with HUNDREDS OF TRINKETS pilfered off of DEAD HUMANS.

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

Oh God. What the hell is this? Look at this huge jumble of obsessively-curated human nonsense!

JODI BENSON

Hey, I’m just a collector, or like an anthropologist maybe!

(looks around room)

...Or possibly a hoarder. Looking at all this with fresh eyes, I can see there’s definitely some hoarder energy going on here.

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

(to the tune of “Part of Your World”)

Look at this junk!

What is it for?

Except for having

And then adding more?

Gotta be honest here, girl

I’m finding this worrying!

Look at this crap!

This is insane

Something has gone

Very wrong in your brain

Looking around here, I think

Yep, this is worrying!

You’ve got paintings and books in the sea, here

Just how long till they rot into muck?

Really none of this garbage should be here

Broken clocks?

Some guy’s specs?

What the fuck?

JODI BENSON

I don’t think I have a problem, Sam!

Sure, I could stop any time I wanted!

I just need like six more - what’s something relatively sane-sounding - shoes!

Just to prove how self-controlled I am:

Next wreck I find will be last, I promise!

’Sides, this is all stuff I - for a fairly loose definition of the word - use!

I might freak out

If I admit

It’s all a bunch of random-ass shit

So if you mind

I’m off to find

More of my hoard!

She notices a SHIP sailing along the SURFACE.

JODI BENSON

Oh awesome, that thing’s not even wrecked yet! I bet it’ll have some primo loot.

She surfaces and sees that on the ship a BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION is being held for generically handsome PRINCE CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES, with all the SAILORS dancing to WEIRDLY SYNTHESIZED-SOUNDING MUSIC.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

Ah, what a fine night for a party! A smooth sea, clear starlit skies in every direction-

Suddenly LIGHTNING FLASHES and RAIN STARTS POURING and inside of thirty seconds the ship is being TOSSED WILDLY by HEAVING THIRTY-FOOT WAVES. The SAIL is struck by LIGHTNING and CATCHES FIRE, and everybody ABANDONS SHIP.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

Whuh oh! I better take this opportunity to do at least one impressive thing, so it doesn’t seem quite so shallow that Jodi is in love with me in the next scene.

(saves dog)

Okay, that oughta do i-

The POWDER KEGS in the HOLD all go off, making the DECK CHRISTOPHER IS STANDING ON ERUPT IN A GIGANTIC EXPLOSION, but he just lands in the ocean knocked out but fine. JODI grabs him and hauls him to a BEACH.

JODI BENSON

Gosh, you’re pretty! And since true love happens hard and fast in Disney, I love you! I guess the fact that humans were already my fetish does make this a little weird. Bye for now!

(swims away)

EXT. OCEAN FLOOR

SAMUEL tries to talk JODI out of her DERANGED INTERSPECIES CRUSH.

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

Forget this surface nonsense, Jodi! Don’t you understand that life is much better down here in the ocean? Like, we have frilled sharks! Did you know they have twenty-five rows of needle-like teeth? That’s THREE HUNDRED TEETH, Jodi!

JODI BENSON

Oh? That’s... nice.

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

That’s not all! Do they have the mighty blobfish on land? How about the black swallower, which can devour prey larger than itself in a single gulp? Do they have lice which swim into your mouth and eat your tongue, and then they replace your tongue with themselves, and then you have a live bug where your tongue should be for the rest of your life?

JODI BENSON

Do WE have those?!

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

You bet we do! I tell ya, nowhere beats the sea for H.R. Giger-esque monstrosities!

(to the tune of “Under the Sea”)

The snaggletooth looks like Satan!

The stargazer wants your soul!

The viperfish may be small, but

Looks like it’d eat you whole!

We got giant isopods here

Like pill bugs, but two feet long!

We all look like elder gods here

Experiments gone all wrong!

Under the sea!

Under the sea!

God’s worst creations

Abominations

Wandering free!

Also, of course, you guys exist

Fish-people surely make the list!

Down in the deep here

Bobbitt worms creep here

Under the sea!

Down in the dark here

There’s goblin sharks here

Under the sea!

Way off the grid here

There’s vampire squids here

That’s why it’s bright there

Down with the nightmares

Everyone wants to

Hang with the monsters

Under the sea!

JODI BENSON

Cooool. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go throw up.

(leaves)

INT. CAVERN

JASON shows JODI to a SURPRISE he brought her in her BIG ROOM OF CRAZY.

JASON MARIN

Look, it’s that statue of Christopher that was on the ship! I brought it here for you! Which is fucking impressive considering I’m the size of a coconut and have no hands, and it’s too big to even fit through the entrance to this place.

But then who should enter but KENNETH!

KENNETH MARS

What’s this I hear about you saving a human from drowning? That’s the OPPOSITE of what mermaids are supposed to do, you dolt!

JODI BENSON

But I love him, even though I only met him yesterday and we haven’t spoken! The audience sympathizes with me completely over this, except for the parents of actual teenage girls, who are all rolling their eyes so hard right now.

KENNETH MARS

You don’t understand humans! They’re all so malicious and destructive! KENNETH SMASH!

He blows all her PRECIOUS GARBAGE to SMITHEREENS then LEAVES.

KENNETH MARS

There! Now if I know parenting, breaking everything in her room and banning her from seeing the boy she likes will make her extremely obedient and understanding from here on out. Right?

Some EVIL EELS sneak up to JODI.

EVIL EELS

Hey kid, you wanna really stick it to your dad by-

JODI BENSON

YES TO WHATEVER YOU WERE ABOUT TO SAY

INT. PAT CARROLL’S OBVIOUSLY EVIL LAIR

JODI is led by the EELS to the hollowed-out carcass of a SEA MONSTER, inside of which OCTOPUS LADY PAT CARROLL lives.

PAT CARROLL

Hi, Jodi. I’m that Sea Witch you’ve heard about.

JODI BENSON

The one that sometimes people go to with their problems? And then are never heard from again?

PAT CARROLL

That’s the one, but I’m actually super nice, scout’s honor! In fact I’m such a softie that I’ll turn you into a human if you want, so you can be with Christopher!

JODI BENSON

Ooh, that actually sounds-

PAT CARROLL

BUT you have to give me your voice. There is no indication that you’d ever get it back.

JODI BENSON

Er, I don’t know if I should do that to my voice actress, I mean those guys get paid by the hour-

PAT CARROLL

AND you have to sign this sinister contract saying that if you don’t attain the vague goal of “true love’s kiss” within three days - and even in Disney where love happens hard and fast, that’s a tight-ass schedule - you belong to me. Which means I turn you into one of my hideous sentient weeds OH WAIT THERE WAS NO NEED FOR ME TO BE SO EXPLICIT ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES, PLEASE FORGET I SAID THAT

JODI BENSON

Eh, sure, you got a deal.

PAT CARROLL

(pause)

(looks in mirror)

(looks at sinister contract)

(looks at creepy minions)

(looks at garden of tortured souls)

(looks around at lair inside a literal corpse)

Okay, are you a GODDAMN MORON?!

(to the tune of “Poor Unfortunate Souls”)

You’ve been told for sixteen years that I’m a monster

And you only have my say-so that I’m good

Do you really think I’m kind?

Have you lost your fucking mind

When I look as though I’d eat you if I could?

See here:

I am cackling like a fat aquatic Joker

And I’m gloating like the evillest of hags

Sure, it’s one thing to have hope

But you're being such a dope

There are Soviets with fewer crimson flags!

PATHETIC.

You’re a gullible fool!

So dumb!

So thick!

It’s a really shitty bargain

That’ll bite you in the ass

Take the hint, girl!

It’s a trick!

You’re a gullible fool!

Naive!

A schmuck!

Are you such a clueless sucker

That you don’t see that I’m cruel?

If I’m being altruistic

Why so many sneaky rules?

Come on, look how fucking stoked I am!

I’m trying not to drool!

But you’re... a... gulllllible fooooool!

(pause)

But hey, I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Knock yourself out, it’s your funeral.

JODI signs the CONTRACT and PAT steals her VOICE then turns her into a HUMAN. She is instantly crushed by the high-pressure environment swims to the SURFACE, where she dies from the bends is FINE.

EXT. BEACH

JODI winds up on a BEACH, accompanied by SAMUEL, JASON, and BUDDY. She finds out that she indeed now has LEGS!

JODI BENSON

:D

She shakily stands up, and the framing jumps around frantically trying its best to avoid showing that the TEENAGE PROTAGONIST is now ONE HUNDRED PERCENT PANTSLESS.

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

Maybe we should prioritize some kind of makeshift clothing before the morality police eat us alive. What do you say, Jodi?

JODI BENSON

...

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

Oh. I guess you’re out as far as exposition and commentary from now on, huh.

BUDDY HACKETT

I guess this explains why they gave this character not one, not two, but three separate Wacky Animal Sidekicks.

They wrap JODI in a SAIL, just in time for her to be basically decent by the time a HUMAN happens upon her, oh look it’s CHRISTOPHER what are the odds.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

It’s you! The lady who saved my life! What’s your name?

JODI BENSON

(gestures to throat)

:/

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

Oh. You can’t speak. So either you’ve currently lost your voice, or you’re a whole other mysterious teenage girl, identical to the first, who happens to have appeared on the same shoreline the next day. I’m gonna assume it’s the second one, against all concepts of logic. I just wish there were some way you and I could communicate...

EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE MOVIE

(forgets about the existence of writing)

He takes her to the PALACE.

INT. PALACE

JODI enters the PALACE and immediately begins conducting LITERAL FISH-OUT-OF-WATER ANTICS which make her look ENTIRELY DERANGED.

BEN WRIGHT

So, your highness, am I understand that you found this homeless girl who appears to be insane and was dressed in random canvas rags tied on with rope, and you’ve brought this person right into the heart of the royal palace? Is that a sensible decision, sire?

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

Look, I heard about this French prince who wouldn’t let a crazy homeless lady come sleep in the palace, and he got cursed six ways from Sunday. I’m not risking it. Besides, she cleans up pretty nice! What do you say, crazy girl, wanna go on an outing with me?

JODI BENSON

:)

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

Hmm, an attractive young lady who does whatever I say, adores me from the instant we met, and never speaks... brrr, I get the uncomfortable sensation that I’ve met the dream woman of some of the worst men in the world.

(shakes it off)

Whatever, this should be a fun day, if a little light on conversation! And despite that barrier, it’ll give me some opportunity to get to know you better, see that you’re not such an insane-

She takes the reins of their CARRIAGE and whips the HORSES into a FRENZY, making them do a SUICIDAL EVEL KNIEVEL JUMP over a GORGE.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

What the FUCK. You know what, your good looks are really doing the heavy lifting in this relationship.

EXT. LAGOON

As the day turns to evening, JODI and CHRISTOPHER take a romantic rowboat ride together.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

So, uh... really intimate atmosphere we’ve got going on here, huh...

JODI BENSON

;)

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

(loosens collar)

Yes, well. Nice view and all.

(attempts to whistle nonchalantly)

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

Damnit, Christopher’s too much of a wimp to go for it! How are we going to get him to kiss her at this rate?

BUDDY HACKETT

I suppose SHE could kiss HIM and we’d be out of here by-

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

NOPE she ain’t gonna even try to do that AND THAT’S TOTALLY FINE WE DON’T NEED A WHOLE CONTRIVED EXTRA EXPLANATION FOR WHY SHE DOESN’T DO THAT, OKAY ANY FUTURE REMAKES?

(thinks)

Okay, this looks like a job for my unexplained ability to make any sea creature I meet put on a musical performance at my command! Come on everyone, let’s sing to Christopher about how he should totally kiss Jodi.

BUDDY HACKETT

Well the words could be literally anything, since he doesn’t speak crab.

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

Actually I’m able to tell him Jodi’s name at one point of this scene, so I guess we are able to communicate with him, just on a subconscious level.

BUDDY HACKETT

Oh. So... this song is intended to brainwash him?

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

Yeah, that seems like a pretty good name for it!

(to the tune of “Kiss the Girl”)

Hush, and listen

To the creatures in the sea

Coaxing you subliminally

And controlling your actions

So stay calm, unwind

As we toy with your mind

And get you kissing her!

She seems nice, yeah?

And she’s far from hideous

This is not insidious

So start letting your guard down

Yeah, sit back, relax

Our psionic attacks

Will have you kissing her!

FISH AND FROGS AND WHATNOT

Sha-la-la-la-la-la

Just keep still

We’re gonna sap your will

And get you kissing her!

Sha-la-la-la-la-la

Close your eyes

And let us hypnotize

You into kissing her!

Sha-la-la-la-la-la

Could be great

Let us manipulate

You into kissing her!

Sha-la-la-la-la-la

You’ve had worse

So let the fish coerce

You into kissing her!

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

(glassily)

MUST... KISS... JODI...

They lean in and are just about to KISS when suddenly the BOAT is tipped over by the EVIL EELS.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

Shit! Now we have to go change out of these wet clothes, which could NEVER lead to another sexually-charged situation!

EVIL EELS

Phew, good thing they were in a part of the ocean when they nearly kissed! If they’d been literally anywhere else we’d’ve been screwed.

Watching this unfold from back in her LAIR, PAT freaks out.

PAT CARROLL

That was too close! I better break out the strategy that renders Christopher incapable of kissing Jodi and guarantees my success. Come to think of it, why the hell wasn’t I doing that in the first place?

EXT. BEACH

CHRISTOPHER is mulling over his romantic options.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

Hmmm, I’ve been hung up on the girl who saved me from the shipwreck. But Jodi - who, once again, I believe to be an entirely separate person despite having the same face - is pretty amazing! Maybe I should take something of a bird-in-the-hand approach to... wait, what...

He sees a GIRL wandering the beach, singing with JODI’S VOICE.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

Why, that’s her! The one I’ve been obsessing over! Hey, this could actually be an interesting character thing for me, having me be so attached to the idea of my fantasy girl that I wind up choosing her over the more substantial connection I have with-

(just gets mind-controlled)

BLORP

INT. PALACE

The next day, JODI awakens to the news that CHRISTOPHER has just gotten engaged to SOMEBODY ELSE.

JODI BENSON

:O

BEN WRIGHT

So, your highness, you must be over the moon to have finally found that girl you’ve been searching high and low for.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

(standing ramrod straight)

AFFIRMATIVE. COMMENCE NUPTIAL PREPARATIONS IMMEDIATELY.

(stares blankly into middle distance)

BEN WRIGHT

Oh, this is all so romantic and unsuspicious!

JODI BENSON

:’(

</3 </3 </3

Everybody in the PALACE gets on board a WEDDING SHIP, except for JODI who POUTS back at the DOCK. But shortly afterwards, BUDDY is flying past the SHIP when he hears CHRISTOPHER’S FIANCEE SINGING.

PAT CARROLL

OH LA LE LA LE LA

THIS IS PAT CARROLL IN DISGUISE

SINGING ABOUT MY EVIL PLAN AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS

FA LA LA LAAAAA

BUDDY freaks out and flies straight over to JODI to tell her the SHOCKING NEWS!

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

Holy smokes! So the lady with Jodi’s voice and almost her exact face, who showed up out of the blue to fraudulently claim to be the one who saved Christopher, and who is prominently wearing around her neck the glowing seashell that Pat stashed Jodi’s voice in, IS PAT?!? Wow, how embarrassing is it that none of us figured that out.

JODI BENSON

D:<

EXT. SHIP

The WEDDING CEREMONY is under way, when suddenly BUDDY and some other BIRDS attack it with SLAPSTICK! The SLAPSTICK knocks the SEASHELL from around PAT’S NECK, and it happens to BREAK at the feet of JODI, who has come aboard!

JODI BENSON

Oh hey, I got my voice back! Without having to do anything! Not surprising really, I kind of stopped doing things that drive the narrative ages ago.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

And I’m un-brainwashed! What’s more, I can now see that you’re the one who saved me! Which means that I don’t have to choose between you and my fantasy girl after all! Which means that the minute fragment of character development I actually got was completely meaningless.

JODI and CHRISTOPHER go to KISS, but the SUN SETS one second before their lips touch, and JODI reverts to a MERMAID! PAT, cackling triumphantly, resumes OCTOPUS MODE, seizes JODI and dives into the SEA!

PAT CARROLL

Mwa ha ha, the terms of my blatantly predatory contract have come to pass! Now you’re mine, to weed-ify at my leisure!

JODI BENSON

Uh, well, I got my voice back. I don’t suppose that counts as you issuing a refund?

(smiles weakly)

KENNETH swims up to them, having been summoned by SAMUEL.

PAT CARROLL

Sorry Kenneth, but this contract is completely binding! There’s nothing you can do, nyah!

KENNETH MARS

I mean, I could kill you.

PAT CARROLL

Uhm.

KENNETH MARS

Seriously, I should just use my trident to blow your head right off. By Disney rules I’m pretty sure that’d nullify any and all magic deals you’ve made, and in fact reverse every evil spell you’ve done in your life.

PAT CARROLL

How about we all ignore that as an option, and you have to take your daughter’s place to save her? Surrender all power over the ocean to the evil psychopath and doom your entire civilization, and I’ll let your daughter go.

KENNETH MARS

(sighs)

See this is why real-life world leaders don’t let their teenagers wander around unattended, doing fucking whatever.

He signs the SCROLL and PAT turns him into a WEED, seizing his TRIDENT and becoming QUEEN OF THE OCEAN. But then she’s grazed by a harpoon thrown by CHRISTOPHER, who has swum down from a ROWBOAT to help out!

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

And now, having thrown one harpoon with all the force a guy can muster when trying to throw stuff underwater, I’m out of oxygen and have to swim away. Why did I think I could be useful in this scenario?

The EVIL EELS ensnare him, and PAT goes to ZAP HIM DEAD. But JODI grabs her and redirects her aim, killing the EELS instead!

PAT CARROLL

NOOOO, IT TURNS OUT I LEGITIMATELY CARED ABOUT THOSE GUYS!! THAT’S IT, I’M GONNA GROW TO THE SIZE OF A KRAKEN AND ULTRAMURDER JODI.

(embiggens)

She creates a WHIRLPOOL, depositing JODI at the base of it. Then she goes to ZAP HER DEAD.

PAT CARROLL

Bwa ha ha, it will be real easy to shoot you now that to me you’re an almost invisibly small target! Hold very still, please.

(tries to aim)

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

Shit! Well, her whirlpool raised up some ships that were destroyed and then crashed to the ocean floor and have been rotting for years since. Let’s hope their steering is still in mint condition!

He steers a SHIP directly into PAT’S TORSO, KILLING HER. The WHIRLPOOL collapses, somehow without KILLING CHRISTOPHER or depositing like NINE WRECKAGES STRAIGHT ONTO JODI’S HEAD, and the TRIDENT descends to the ocean floor, thankfully no longer GIANT-SIZED, turning KENNETH back into a MERMAN and doing the same for PAT’S ENTIRE GARDEN OF HORRORS, who all get instantly crushed to death all squished together in that narrow passageway swim happily to freedom!

JODI BENSON

Oh hey, Dad was right, killing Pat undid her entire reign of terror instantly! Man, someone should have murdered her years ago.

EXT. BEACH

KENNETH watches sadly as JODI watches sadly as CHRISTOPHER starts to head back to the PALACE.

KENNETH MARS

She really is bummed about that teenage crush she’s had for the past half a week, isn’t she. I guess that means I should let her completely have her way and leave home forever, and hope that I haven’t swung from one bad parenting extreme to the other.

He turns JODI back into a HUMAN, complete with a SPARKLY GOWN.

KENNETH MARS

Say, was there ever any hint that I had the power to do anything like that?

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT

You did kind of pull that one out of your ass, sire.

JODI runs up to show CHRISTOPHER the good news.

JODI BENSON

Check it out! We have compatible genitals again!

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

Hooray! I still have no fucking clue what the hell has been going on! Come on, let’s get married, I’m sure that the people will accept you despite you having been publicly outed as a fish monster.

JODI BENSON

Awesome! Now let’s talk about how nobody in your kingdom is allowed to murder and eat my fish friends anymore.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

Uh - I mean, we’re a coastal people, our diet and indeed our economy would largely be-

JODI BENSON

NOT ANYMORE IT FUCKING ISN’T.

CHRISTOPHER DANIEL BARNES

We maaaay not have thought through some of the fundamental differences here.

END.