The quickest way into a woman's pants is by looking like an extremely dangerous rapist.

THE HOLIDAY

The Very Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. SOME RESTAURANT

JACK BLACK accidentally touches KATE WINSLET'S BOOB.

JACK BLACK

Ooops! I just touched your boob!

KATE WINSLET

You did! That is so god-damned funny!

JUDE LAW

We should put that moment in every single advertisement!

CAMERON DIAZ

That way, it'll look like it's the only joke in the entire fucking movie!

CAMERON also has trouble walking on ice in high heels and she drinks wine straight from the bottle excitedly!

END

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