The Very Abridged Script
FADE IN:
INT. SOME RESTAURANT
JACK BLACK accidentally touches KATE WINSLET'S BOOB.
JACK BLACK
Ooops! I just touched your boob!
KATE WINSLET
You did! That is so god-damned funny!
JUDE LAW
We should put that moment in every single advertisement!
CAMERON DIAZ
That way, it'll look like it's the only joke in the entire fucking movie!
CAMERON also has trouble walking on ice in high heels and she drinks wine straight from the bottle excitedly!
END