PRESIDENT EISENHOWER is being shown SLIDES of MYSTERY MEN, by his top ADVISOR.

ADVISOR

As you know, Hitler invaded Poland last week. America needs to get into this war. We need a super strong hooded guy who takes pills, a hawk guy who couldn't convince the Black Adam audiences to love him, a blonde who can direct her screams in a way that hurt only one person, the original Flash who sounds like a grandpa, and Chris Pine's character.

EISENHOWER

Wait??? These people exist??? Shouldn't I know about this like day one of my presidency???

ADVISOR

These super powerful beings are bulletproof, can lift tanks, and have a wide area of attack against multiple assailants. They will end this war slightly slower than Dr. Manhattan against the Vietnam war.

EISENHOWER

That still seems risky. I would still prefer if America's bullet vulnerable sons tagged along.

ADVISOR

I saved the best for last.

WONDER KATIC enters the room. She looks like a majestic warrior. Her hair is the shape of a PINTO BEAN. No one comments on it. Ever.

EISENHOWER

I assume this woman is going to take notes for us or get us drinks?

INSERT JUSTICE SOCIETY: WORLD WAR II. The "Is Pepsi okay?" Of the Justice League.

EXT. METROPOLIS PARK- CURRENT DAY

FLASH BOMER is enjoying a PICNIC LUNCH with IRIS LATHROP. He has the temperament and charm of an ADHD TODDLER.

IRIS LATHROP

Flash, stop running around, grabbing condiments, and enjoy this date.

FLASH BOMER

Can't. Help. It. Accidentally. Replaced. Milk. With. Red Bull. In. My. Espresso. Bean. Cereal.

IRIS LATHROP

I wish you would stop literally and figuratively running away from this relationship and commit to me. Sometimes I swear it would take time travel back to a war torn era where you could witness old timey American gentlemen proposing to their girlfriends and then dying as a cautionary tale.

FLASH BOMER

I would love to continue poking at my relational insecurities, but...

(frees Brainiac from prison and gives him directions to Metropolis)

Oh no, Superman is in trouble.

SUPER CRISS is getting beaten up again despite being the most OP thing (see Crisis on Infinite Earths for more of his underutilization). FLASH BOMER tries to help, but instead RUNS TOO FAST and screws up reality (see Infinite Crisis, Flashpoint, and Justice League Dark: Apokolips War). He is guided by DOCTOR FATE's VOICE.

EXT. WAR TORN EUROPE LAND- TORN BY WAR NO DOUBT

FLASH BOMER travels to the exact location the WORLD WAR II plot begins.

FLASH BOMER

Where did all the color go? This looks like World War II, that storyline based on Call of Duty: World War II.

CLASSIC FLASH

(disarming clueless Nazis)

Welcome to ninteen-forty-World War II, fellow red pajama man. This is a world where indiscriminate violence to a generic evil is not just okay, but required by anyone who has fists.

CLASSIC BLACK CANARY

(breaking the legs of useless Nazis)

We are like a team of Captain Americas if they were filled with Game Genie codes.

CLASSIC HOUR MAN

(beating an idiotic Nazi with a tank)

I made a pill that gives me an hour of tank lifting and light aerobics. I would mass produce it and give it to our very mortal allies, but then this war would be over in two days, instead of the week it will take us.

CLASSIC HAWKMAN

(making a Nazi eat his own leg. What a dummy.)

I am shirtless and I have a short ranged weapon, but I am still amazing at this war despite having no advantage over assault rifles.

WONDER KATIC rushes in and copies her BEATING UP GERMANS in abandoned houses scene from her first movie beat by beat. It's different...okay? That was World War I and this is World War II.

WONDER KATIC

You vill notiss, I have very fore-in voice. I am Amazonian, which is vocated somevhere vetween Israel and a Borat film.

(stops doing accent)

THE JUSTICE SOCIETY finish their "save Europe tour" only to find MORE STUPID NAZIS. THEY are about to lamely SHOOT a CRISS WAR REPORTER but the super team jumps in against the troop of soldiers and struggle greatly...JUST KIDDING, FLASH BOMER beats up all Nazis while doing a CROSSWORD and finishing YOGA.

FLASH BOMER

Wow, that is a lot of fun. In my time we have to treat everyone with sensitivity and other crap.

CRISS WAR REPORTER

Hi, I am Shakespeare, we have never met before, but I can journal faster than a locomotive and I can leap to conclusions in a single bound. I can catch bullet...points and my vision can see through the real story.

FLASH BOMER

I would accuse you of being my buddy, Superman, but your mustache suggests that you are always about to slap Scarlet O'Hara and tell her you don't give a damn. Also you picked a French persona, which is 100 percent what a decent person wouldn't do.

THE JUSTICE SOCIETY is put on a mission to DECODE symbols on a piece of paper that reads, "Hitler's only weakness...definitely not a trap"

INT. GERMAN DEATH CASTLE- TRACK 4 OF RAMMSTEIN'S NEW ALBUM

The team easily PUNCHES every Nazi in the face and they surrender because they lack all intelligence and dignity.

CRISS WAR REPORTER gets shot by three bullets and surprisingly doesn't DIE, despite his best attempts to convince the world he is not Super or a Man.

CRISS WAR REPORTER

Fine. I am bulletproof. Are you happy? Just because I have all your super powers dialed up to a million percent you think I should win this war. I have things to do too! Did any of you even ask what is on my schedule? Besides...I was found on a farm and my parents died before I was old enough to know them. I was put in an orphanage and fed steaming hot bowls of scumbag soup.

(flies away)

FLASH BOMER

Can't tell if I am in an alternate universe or Henry Cavil wrote that to vent his firing.

They find a tortured DOCTOR FATE who looks like a VEGAN ONLY DIET warning. DOCTOR FATE DECODES a message and DIES.

INT. ATLANTIS- THE WORLD WARRIEST PLACE TO BE

Let's catch you up to speed. There was a SUBMARINE BATTLE, WONDER KATIC shoots herself out of a TORPEDO DECK, HITLER'S WHOLE NAVY was punched in the face, everyone is amazing at holding their breath underwater for hours. BIFF, WHAM, SLAM, PEW, PEW. NOW ATLANTIS.

AQUANEUTRAL

Welcome to my humble abode. I will gladly help you find Hitler's hideout and give you ample directions to his face so you can punch it. Have you met my newly hired advisor straight from Germany?

WORM TONGUE

Mr. Aqua, do not trust this wizard and his Fellowship. They want to steal the ring. You must hate them. Let the darkness overcome you.

BOMER FLASH

Something doesn't seem right. If only we had a clear indication of which team Aquaman is on.

AQUAREICH

(hand in the air)

(actual line)

Heil Hitler!

WORM TONGUE

Woah! I didn't mean go that far! Maybe just trap them and invade New York. You made this weird, dude.

THE SOCIETY is trapped in a very hard waterfall and are forced not to PUNCH a Nazi for five whole minutes.

CLASSIC FLASH

(discouraged)

I just wish every Nazi was dead so we never have to worry about ever hearing from this clearly inferior army with easily beatable strategies.

(turns to Bomer Flash)

The name Hitler and Nazi is never mentioned again after this war, right?

BOMER FLASH

(thinking of the 2020 Primaries and Twitter)

Well...

EXT. NEW YORK CITY- FIGHT O' CLOCK

Now the JUSTICE SOCIETY has to pivot to ATLANTEAN ARMIES, which are so much harder because those guys can SWIM. And they pump their SUPER SOAKERS way too much. The team starts DYING, but the enemy is respectful enough to pause to let their LOVE INTERESTS mourn over them.

CLASSIC HAWKMAN

(so dead)

CLASSIC BLACK CANARY

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo...I will never love again and if I do love it will be with someone with the opposite powers of flight and mace wielding like an archer who wears Peter Pan's outfit.

CLASSIC HOUR MAN

(much funeral)

My only weakness is bullets aimed at organs. I should have consulted a doctor when I had a super muscle longer than four hours.

CLASSIC STEVE TREVOR

(totes unalive)

Oh crud, I forgot to introduce myself. I am the one bagging the hot Amazonian babe. Every day I propose marriage to her and every day she rejects me. She just doesn't want to commit to the joys of monogamy and pregnancy, forcing me to have unfortunate wild and elicit affairs with her that are all fun and no responsibility.

(depressed that he can't take out a joint checking account)

WONDER KATIC

Noooooooooooooooooo... Of course I will marry you.

CLASSIC STEVE FRIEND ZONE

Really? I might pull through. The wound might not be fatal.

WONDER KATIC

(puts lasso around his neck)

Oh no, the lasso is accidentally strangling you. I shall start my marriage off as a widow.

(puts sword between his ribs)

Oh no, the bullet wound mutated into a stab wound. Curse my tragic love life.

AQUAFRITZ faces off against WONDER WOMAN and they are EXACTLY matched so it's like watching someone play tennis with a wall.

WONDER KATIC

Must...unleash...my...inner...punch

(she punches his trident)

AQUAFRITZ

Oh sh...what am I doing in New York City? I have amnesia like I was under mind control. Yup, I am totally not an anti-Semitic dumpster fire. Every disgusting propaganda poster, torturous lab experiment, and eugenics paper I wrote was all under some spell...yup. I guess I don't have to pay war crimes.

(swims away)

THE NAZIS bring UGLY AND LOSER FILLED WAR PLANES over NEW YORK. WONDER KATIC gets scared because they have no face to punch.

CLASSIC FLASH

What's that up in the sky?

CLASSIC BLACK CANARY

It's a croissant.

WONDER KATIC

No, it's a rude foreigner who thinks he is better than us.

SUPER FRANCE CRISS is destroying the WARPLANES with such ease it makes STEVE ROGERS' sacrifice in THE FIRST AVENGER seem pointless.

1940S NEWS REPORTER

After a brutal week of war, Germany finally surrendered when Hitler was punched in the face 6000 consecutive times by every super hero in the region. This was a sobering and horrific war where we must reflect the cost; our allies lost over ten soldiers.

(reads next card)

With World War II done and gone, we can focus on what really matters. Creating an arms race that will ensure every nation will have nukes by 1990.

BOMER FLASH

And I proposed to my girlfriend.

(winks)

(Porky Pig says "That's all folks.")

THE END