The Very Abridged Script
FADE IN:
EXT. FRANCE
YOUNG JOAN OF ARC runs through three hundred and seventy-six fields.
YOUNG JESUS CHRIST
Boo!
YOUNG JOAN OF ARC
Holy fuck!
INT. FRENCH CASTLE, YEARS LATER
MILLA JOVOVICH
(in breathless hysteria)
Hello, I am Joan of Arc. I have been sent by God.
BEING JOHN MALKOVICH
And how do you know that?
MILLA JOVOVICH
(in breathless hysteria)
Because there was light... a strange light.... and wind... strange, strange wind.... and more wind and light.... and strange camera effects.... and wind... and... look, I just know, OK?
BEING JOHN MALKOVICH
Good enough for me. Hell, I'm going to vanish halfway through the movie anyway, so what the fuck do I care? Go kill people.
MILLA JOVOVICH
(in breathless hysteria)
Thank you.
EXT. FRANCE
MILLA KILLS many many many many many many many people.
INT. JAIL CELL
DUSTIN HOFFMANOVICH
You suck. You shouldn't have killed lots of people.
MILLA JOVOVICH
(in breathless hysteria)
I'm ever so sorry.
DUSTIN HOFFMANOVICH
Whatever.
MILLA JOVOVICH BURNS breathlessly and hysterically.
END