FADE IN:

EXT. BEAUTY CONTEST

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR

I am Sarah Michelle Gellar.

(in hypnotic voice)

I am hot!

REST OF CAST

She is hot!

TEEN AUDIENCE

Wow, she is hot!

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR wins a beauty contest because she is hot.

EXT. CAR

The group is sitting in their car. They are drunk as HELL. Shockingly, they hit an old man.

RYAN PHILLIPE

We hit an old man!

FREDDY PRINZE JR.

Is he alive?

RYAN PHILLIPE

Yes. Let's dump him in the ocean.

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

Why the heck would we do that?

RYAN PHILLIPE

Plot purposes!

The MAN who is screaming in pain is dropped into the ocean, still screaming. The kids drive off.

INT. JENNIFER'S HOUSE - 1 YEAR LATER

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

(staring directly at camera)

I have returned 1 year later to see my friends and have fun even though I am horribley scarred from last year and all I will do is whine and act like a psycho bitch the whole summer

TEEN AUDIENCE

Jennifer Love Hewitt is hot, especially for a coke addict.

EXT. LOCKER ROOM

RYAN PHILLIPE is sitting down on the locker room bench for no real reason.

BLACK HOODED MAN

You will die now Ryan Phillipe

RYAN PHILLIPE

Oh.

BLACK HOODED MAN kills RYAN PHILLIPE

TEEN AUDIENCE

Wow, this is even better then Scream.

INT. SMG'S HOUSE

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

Ryan Phillipe is dead.

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR

That sucks.

EXT. JULY 4TH PARTY

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR

Who will die next?

BLACK HOODED MAN

You!

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR

Damn.

BLACK HOODED MAN kills SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR. This is a shock because SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR is hot! He chases her down in a very horror-movie cliche way.

WRITER KEVIN WILLIAMSON

Notice how now I am using the cliches I made fun of in Scream? Please remember that this does not make me a hypocrite.

EXT. FISHING BOAT

BLACK HOODED MAN

I am now a black hooded fisherman. I will kill you two now.

BLACK HOODED FISHERMAN wrestles with FREDDY PRINZE JR. while JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT screams repeatedly

FREDDY PRINZE JR. pushes BLACK HOODED MAN overboard

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

Is he dead?

FREDDY PRINZE JR.

Probably not. All he did was lose a hand, it seems.

COP

Yes, but he lost in the WATER. He is most likely dead.

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

I guess I can go back to a normal life now. Perhaps I will begin a career of singing badly.

END