INT. PITCH MEETING FOR MILLIE BOBBY BROWN

CHRIS PRATT

Looks like you are ready for the big leagues, M Double B. Some siblings want you to star in their sentient robot versus humans saga.

M DOUBLE B

The Wachowski siblings? Do you mean…

CHRIS PRATT

Of course. There is a war between humanity and robots, a chosen one who needs to be freed from a virtual cell, an exclusion zone that shows the dystopian future of the world.

M DOUBLE B

And they want me…for the Matrix sequel?

CHRIS PRATT

Suuuuuure. Just sign right here, and we can get this started.

M DOUBLE B

Wait a minute…this is a Russo film!

CHRIS PRATT

(putting a clamp around Millie's ankle)

It was the 1950s. Humanity wanted cute and adorable robots to advertise things, but they forgot to turn off the SusanBAnthony.exe program, leading to the robots' revolt. After a lengthy war, Elon Jobs created other kinds of robots humans could control to send the bad robots to a dystopian wasteland in Non-Vegas, Nevada.

(trails off)

INT. MILLIE BOBBY BROWN'S HOUSE

M DOUBLE B has blonde hair. The NETFLIX EXEC unlocks her FOOT CLAMP chained to her trailer.

NETFLIX EXEC

Alright, Millie, do your thing and make us money.

M DOUBLE B

Again? Netflix has to stop relying on me to be their savior. I am not that good at anything beyond 80s science fiction mysteries.

NETFLIX EXEC

No prob. If this doesn't work, we will raise the rates again.

JASON ALEXANDER shows up. His FACE is on a robotic SURROGATE. Like that movie with BRUCE WILLIS, in which everyone had a ROBOT SURROGATE.

JASON ALEXANDER

Robots are scum! We have no deal with them!

(does robotic things with a robot)

M DOUBLE B

I hate being a foster kid. I am such a troubled youth.

(reads a book)

(goes to bed on time)

INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE

THE PRINCIPAL is worried about M DOUBLE B and her troubled past.

PRINCIPAL

I am worried about your desire to address your past and reconcile your trauma. For the sake of your health, please put on a VR helmet and get addicted to scrolling.

M DOUBLE B

Life is so hard for me. My brother died in a car accident, and now I have no family. Truly a tragedy.

PRINCIPAL

It says here your parents died too.

M DOUBLE B

(yawns)

Whatever. My heart is only big enough to care about my brother.

INT. MILLIE BOBBY BROWN'S HOUSE

M DOUBLE B is very sad. Please take our word for it; she has trouble showing that to the audience. A ROBOT WITH A TENNIS BALL-SHAPE HEAD breaks into her house.

ALAN TUDYK

Where's the beef? Sad emoji. There is no I in team.

M DOUBLE B

I think you are telling me that you have the brain of my dead brother in your circuits.

ALAN TUDYK

He's on fire! Smile and the world smiles back. Do you want to build a snowman?

M DOUBLE B

Now you want to find your comatose body stuck in an evil robot-hating corporation owned by Elon Jobs.

JASON ALEXANDER

Serenity now! You are a robot sympathizer. I am calling ICE, the International Circuitry Eliminators.

THE ROBOT SLAMS JASON ALEXANDER'S HEAD against a wall to prove he is not dangerous.

M DOUBLE B

Time for an adventure. What should we do first?

ALAN TUDYK

We're having chicken tonight.

M DOUBLE B

You want me to read the return address on random packages in the trunk?

ALAN TUDYK

Yum. Take it to the hole.

M DOUBLE B

Wow, didn't think your role as Moana's rooster could be out-dumbed, but here we are.

EXT. THE TRUCK DEPOT FROM THE TRAILER

CHRIS PRATT is delivering a pistol to a robot from the THUNDER DOME.

CHRIS PRATT

It's a one-of-a-kind pistol from the exclusion zone. Let me hand it to you loaded and then ask you for payment.

BUYER

How about I shoot you instead?

CHRIS PRATT

(activates silly grin, boyish charm, funny wink at the audience)

AUDIENCE

(activates gag reflex, eye roll, bored yawn)

ANTHONY MECH-IE

I am the wise-cracking companion bot that assists Mr. Pratt.

CHRIS PRATT

We have a Brokeback Mountain type of relationship.

ANTHONY MECH-IE

We do??

CHRIS PRATT

Don't worry, it gets weirder.

INT. PRATT CAVE

PRATT takes M DOUBLE B to his MAN CAVE. TONS OF MARVEL MEMORABILIA strewn about to remind the RUSSO BROS that they did a good job at one time.

M DOUBLE B

You need to find my dead brother's body. All we have are a few vague clues and name drops.

CHRIS PRATT

Seeing as we are both pigeon-holed into 80s pop culture, head nods. That sounds good to me. Let's go. Mackie Raccoon and I will assist you in this suicide adventure to find someone who was already confirmed dead.

M DOUBLE B

I'm not good at showing emotion, so please accept this empty stare as bonding.

GIANCARLO ESPOSITO BOT

Esposito Bot Activate! Kill the robot sympathizers.

M DOUBLE B

How did you get into this dumb movie?

GIANCARLO ESPOSITO BOT

I am literally sitting on a couch in my underwear. I am getting paid for zero effort.

PRATT and M DOUBLE B send the roof of the PRATT CAVE on top of ESPOSITO BOT. Despite superior strength, he gives up…like most cast members.

INT. HOSPITAL, PROBABLY IN THE 80S

M DOUBLE B is sitting on a hospital bed, channeling a look that could be mistaken for 'in a car accident.

KE QUY HUAN

Millie, I am sad to report that everything you hold dear is dead. Your future will not be happy outside of the 80s.

M DOUBLE B

Oh no. My brother is dead?

KE QUY HUAN

I am talking about your career. You might never be taken seriously outside of Stranger Things.

(pauses)

And your brother is 1000% dead. He will definitely not be around in a couple of years.

EXT. THE EXCLUSION ZONE

M DOUBLE B, ANTHONY MECH-IE, CHRIS PRATT, and ALAN TUDYK enter FALLOUT: NEW VEGAS.

M DOUBLE B

According to Tudyk's catch phrases, my brother is somewhere in the desert, in a building, being taken care of by some guy.

CHRIS PRATT

It seems like we should start walking, and then we will bump into the plot.

ANTHONY MECH-IE

We need to watch out for scavengers. They are insane robots that steal the scraps off other healthy robots.

CHRIS PRATT

Like how Netflix gets the scraps that Max, Prime, and Apple don't use.

ANTHONY MECH-IE

Luckily, we can go into this garage and reveal an awesomely mammoth transportation bot that kids will beg their parents to buy.

(they find a bigger version of Anthony Mech-ie)

Welp! I am sure it looks cool in the graphic novel.

INT. ELON JOBS HEADQUARTERS

ELON JOBS is part of the DIGITAL OPERATION to GENTRIFY EVERYTHING (DOGE).

ELON JOBS

My VR robot operation is failing. I need you to make sure Millie's brother is extra comatose.

STAFF

Sir, I think one of the doctors, the short-round one, took the brain of Millie's brother and put it in a robot that is horrible at communication.

ELON JOBS

I need that robot back. Colman Domingo, you have a job to do.

GIANCARLO ESPOSITO BOT

It’s Esposito. Is it so easy to get me confused with Colman, or is that a problem the writer only has. Alas, I am still in my underwear, sitting on a couch. I ain't moving.

ELON JOBS

Fine, you can have your robot back slightly obscured by shards of wood.

GIANCARLO ESPOSITO BOT

Easiest paycheck ever.

EXT. MORE DESERT, BUT THERE IS A MALL NEARBY. AN '80S MALL???

PRATT and M DOUBLE B are being carried by ANTHONY MECH-IE when suddenly robots start throwing cars at them.

M DOUBLE B

The robots have been evolving for years, and none have considered installing laser guns, radar, security turrets, missiles, or death rays. How is it possible that this movie can make animatronic creatures so dull?

CHRIS PRATT

We are talking about the same brothers who solved Infinity War with low-risk time travel. The stakes are only going to drop from here.

M DOUBLE B

I am sure it looks better in the graphic novel.

ANTHONY MECH-IE

You'll be saying that a lot.

INT. THE 80'S MALL

PRATT and M DOUBLE B are taken captive in the ROBOT SANCTUARY MALL.

M DOUBLE B

Look at all these quirky robot designs. It begs the question, "What if Jim Henson made Muppets he didn't care about?"

NUTTY HARRELSON

I, the fearless leader, Mr. Peanut…why are you laughing? No, I am the wise seer of the movie. Stop laughing. This was a serious choice. We got at least $500 from Mr. Peanut LLC to do this.

JENNIE SLATE

I am the cute and naive mail bot. I will provide the "Oh no you didn't" and "Total cringe" lines for this movie.

BRIAN COX

I am the dementia addled baseball bot. Strike one!

CHRIS PRATT

There are 100 voice actors in this movie. Should we mention them?

NUTTY HARRELSON

The script only cares about us, and I don't think half of the cast or crew is putting this on their resumes. If you turn up the volume, you can hear the 300 million budget weeping.

(turns to Millie)

I have no idea where your brother is, and I couldn't care less. Let us live here in peace.

M DOUBLE B

What if I throw your lives in danger and evoke another costly war?

NUTTY HARRELSON

Why didn't you say so? Take my army.

EXT. CIRCUS DU LAME

THE PRATT PACK read ahead of the script and wind up at a DERELICT CIRCUS. The SCAVENGER BOTS start chasing them.

CHRIS PRATT

We are surrounded by crazy robots that may or may not ruin our mission.

MARKY MARK'S GOOD VIBRATIONS plays over the loudspeakers, like the trailer promised, and then CHRIS PRATT makes a cultural music reference, and we can pretend he is STAR LORD for just a few seconds. The robots run away when they hear the song.

ANTHONY MECH-IE

If they really wanted to scare away the robots with Mark Wahlberg's career, they should have shown Flight Risk.

INT. KE QUY HUAN'S LAIR

KE QUY HUAN appears with a MEDICAL ROBOT that is also voiced by KE QUY HUAN, proving that Asians work double the shifts for half the pay.

KE QUY HUAN

I have a horrible secret to share. Your brother isn't dead. After the car accident, Elon Jobs asked me to hook up his very intelligent brain to his VR system to power it.

M DOUBLE B

You couldn't have written that on a postcard instead of this pointless journey?

KE QUY HUAN

Wait till you find out that your brother's body is being stashed at Elon Jobs' factory, which you could have found much easier than my cryptic desert location.

CHRIS PRATT

I'm sure it sounds better in the graphic novel.

GIANCARLO ESPOSITO BOT and ELON JOBS' BOTS take over the amusement park.

JENNIE SLATE

They have military weapons, and we have one-note character qualities. Seems like a fair fight.

It isn't a FAIR FIGHT. THE SECONDARY VOICE ACTORS DIE or LIE DOWN FOR A FEW SECONDS.

ELON JOBS

Kill everyone who gets in our way. Kill Millie and Chris!

M DOUBLE B

Sweet release from this movie.

GIANCARLO ESPOSITO BOT

You can't kill, Millie. Netflix has sooooooo many projects for her!

KE QUY HUAN

I got shot! I am free!

KE QUY HUAN BOT

Crap, I am still in this!

M DOUBLE B tries to run headfirst into a FLAME THROWER, but the battle is already over.

NUTTY HARRELSON

That was a pointless battle. I keep forgetting we have no defense measures outside of throwing old Buicks.

M DOUBLE B

They took my brother's catchphrase robot. How about we pad out the runtime with one more pre-emptive strike?

CHRIS PRATT

We can disrupt a billion-dollar business, like what Netflix did to DVDs.

NUTTY HARRELSON

I am a talking peanut who pretends to be the group's Morpheus. My programming is full of stupid ideas. Of course, I am going to follow this plan.

EXT. ELON JOBS HEADQUARTERS

THE FINAL BATTLE. ANTHONY MECH-IE throws old Buicks, FELIX THE CAT is stomping on stuff, BRIAN COX is looking for WOLVERINE, JENNY SLATE is checking INDEED.COM, NUTTY HARRELSON is on a STEALTH MISSION, MILLIE is practicing FAKE CRYING.

ELON JOBS

Now I am MEGA JOBS! Fear my mech!

ANTHONY MECH-IE

Don't you hate it when the CEO interferes with the company's product?

(weeps over Twitter)

GIANCARLO ESPOSITO BOT

I am having a crisis of conscience. I better put on some pants and leave the battle.

CHRIS PRATT

We will win this revolution in the name of the Stark, War Machine, and Iron Heart!

ANTHONY MECH-IE

Oh no, I have been shot. My power level is very low.

CHRIS PRATT

How low?

ANTHONY MECH-IE

The Rotten Tomato scores of this movie low!

CHRIS PRATT

You are going to die.

CHRIS PRATT promises ANTHONY MECH-IE a life in the cottage where they grow old together. A SMALLER VERSION of ANTHONY MECH-IE jumps out of the suit.

BABY ANTHONY MECH-IE

I am groot!

CHRIS PRATT

Thank God for used tropes!

INT. ELON JOBS HEADQUARTERS

NUTTY HARRELSON confronts ELON JOBS.

NUTTY HARRELSON

Your reign of terror is over, Elon, and you can do nothing about it.

ELON JOBS

I give up. I am defenseless. I am laughing too hard at the absurdity of this scene.

MEANWHILE, M DOUBLE B, finds her brother, WOODY NORMAN.

WOODY NORMAN

Millie, you have to let me go. Destroy Elon Jobs' multi-billion-dollar industry.

M DOUBLE B

I can't, Woody. I won't have a family if I kill you. I mean…except the hundreds of friends I made along the way.

WOODY NORMAN

Millie, I can't tell if you are sad or seasick.

M DOUBLE B

I hear that a lot from directors.

M DOUBLE B unplugs her brother, and EVERY SURROGATE ROBOT deactivates, forcing citizens to leave their homes. Just like that BRUCE WILLIS movie where he shuts down a ROBOT PROGRAM and forces citizens to step outside.

NOTE: Also, tons of planes crash because VR surrogates piloted them. The fatality rate soars as robot doctors go offline.

JASON ALEXANDER

It's the Summer of George!

MEANWHILE, ALAN TUDYK BOT gets thrown in a dumpster pile to corrode like much of his TV career. But he is resurrected from the dead, like most of his voice acting career.

M DOUBLE B

I think we all learned an important lesson here. Anyone attached to a Marvel project cannot strike lightning twice. Let's bury this and go back to Stranger Things.

RUSSOS

We just cleared 250 million streams in a week. Netflix definitely has some plans for you, Millie. What do you think about being Robocop's sister? Obviously, Ben Affleck will be Robocop.

M DOUBLE B

(getting her iron clamps put back on)

Gulp!