Movie Rating:

This entry has a rating of 4.5

Fight Club

FIGHT CLUB

The Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. DARK, GRITTY-LOOKING OFFICE

EDWARD NORTON is yet another protaganist that works in an office. His face is not yet destroyed.

BOSS

I suck.

EDWARD NORTON

God I hate life. I can't sleep or eat or fuck or anything.

EDWARD goes to some support groups.

INT. DARK, GRITTY-LOOKING SUPPORT GROUP

He meets MEAT LOAF.

EDWARD NORTON

Nice tits, Loaf.

MEAT LOAF

Dammit, this appearance was a mistake. Now people are not going to take me seriously as an actor or musician. Er, wait..

HELENA BONHAM CARTER

I'm horny. And majorly fucked up in the head.

EDWARD NORTON

We're perfect for each other.

INT. DARK, GRITTY-LOOKING ABANDONED HOUSE OF BRAD PITT

BRAD PITT

I hate being simply a consumer. I feel like revolting against my role.

EDWARD NORTON

Let's smoke a shitload of pot.

KEVIN SPACEY

I just did that when I revolted against my role. Pick something else.

BRAD PITT

Wait, I have an idea.

BRAD kicks EDWARD in the nuts.

EDWARD NORTON

THAT WAS FUCKING GREAT!

They beat the holy hell out of each other. Others join in. The AUDIENCE is drenched with testosterone.

AUDIENCE

HELL YES! FUCKIN RIGHT! VIOLENCE! BLOOD! GOD DAMN YES!!!

BRAD PITT starts FUCKING THE HELL out of HELENA!

AUDIENCE

GOD FUCKING HELL YEAH!!!

(tears apart clothes)

ROAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!!

DIRECTOR DAVID FINCHER

Wait wait, notice the subtle dark satire. I'm cleverly showing that consumerism and conformit--

AUDIENCE

SHUT UP!! ROARR!!

(rips Fincher in half)

WHERE ARE SOME FUCKING GUNS?! I WANNA JOIN A FIGHT CLUB RIGHT FUCKING NOW! WHERE DO I SIGN UP AND HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?!

EDWARD NORTON

You people are totally missing the point here.

BRAD PITT

And it's a damn good thing, too. You think this movie had any shot at being number one without featuring my abs and massive amounts of violence?

EDWARD NORTON

Good point.

He smacks PITT in the face.

EDWARD NORTON

Time to Beat Joe Black...

HELENA BONHAM CARTER

Wait! It's been a while since a female of any sort has had any screen time. Here I am.

EDWARD NORTON

Oh, hey. I guess I could empty my cum into you. Need to unload somewhere...

BRAD PITT

Lemme put my sex into her once yer done.

FUCKING happens. HELENA, having performed her duty as the sex trash-can, leaves. The fighting continues.

SUDDENLY, something happens which makes the AUDIENCE need to rethink the entire film.

AUDIENCE

Wait a minute..shit, now I have to see the movie a second time.

FINCHER'S UPPER BODY

Yes, yes, see it again. Spend, spend, spend! Ha ha ha!

END