I guess you enjoyed the movie then? Haha.

It takes a certain kind of genius to make a script with 2 lines in it actually be funny. That kind is known as 'ROD HILTON'.

That picture caption makes me incredibly sad. WAY TO GO

so this is the "appointed" one? still looking for your take on Cloverfield, Harry Potter and Indiana Jones...

I've never understood the whole, "I'm an empowered woman who shows her independence by screwing every single man who so much as glances at her in a bar." Yet women who choose abstinence are "ignorant and not independent because they follow someone else's rules." Being in control of yourself and your sexuality makes you independent, even if that means that occasionally you choose NOT to have sex with some horny moron.

I also blame sex and the city for the recent slew of shows that use the word "Sex" every 5 seconds in hopes that women will watch. "Hey, ladies! I just had sex! My husband and I have bad sex! I had an affair with someone, and we had sex! I like to use whipped cream when having sex! Watch this show! Do you identify with me yet?" The shows feature women doing things that have nothing to do with sex, such as standing in line at the grocery store, gardening, and writing a dissertation, and all they can talk about is sex. Hey, I wonder which gender writes these shows.

The saddest thing about it of course is that it works. It's like the whole "FREEDOM" thing in the 300 movie. "FREEDOM" attracts all the fanboys, "SEX" attracts all the woman who think that "sex = independence!"

Alexandru:

I posted this script primarily because I'm trying to develop a meme for the site.

You see, its almost cliche now for every single post I make to be met with a bunch of comments about how it's worst script ever, and about three times as many comments bitching that it wasn't this script or that. I wanted to make sure I kept that pattern alive.

Thanks for your participation.

Now that you mention it Rod, I do believe that was the worst script ever.

TIHS SCRPT WAS LIEK TEH WORST EVER!!!1!!11!
It's actually pretty enjoyable for what it is.

Nice bit of Roddism. But still waiting for your take on INDIANA JONES AND THE COMPUTERANIMATED KINGDOM OF THE NOT ALIEN BUT INTERDIMENSIONAL CRYSTAL SKULL...

Admidtedly... that is basically the storyline - but i loved every second of the film! It was entertainment with hollywood gloss... theres not many without it! Get used to it at the end of the day!

Let me guess Johnny, you were one of the majority of the mouth- breathing nas-carring audiences that missed all the subtle historical humor and true-to-life but always conveniently ignored ancient-alien references and thus concluded that the movie "sucks"?

This script sums up the TV show as well as the film. Rod, why did you even go to see this movie?

Tyallie:

Girlfriend forced me to. I owed her because I made her see Indiana Jones 4.

It was justified. That shit sucked.

This is without a doubt the BEST script on this site (even tops the utterly hilarious Star Wars scripts) it perfectly describes my feelings toward this Abomination

How the MOTHERFUCK did this get 1 1/2 stars from you? Jerk.

So what did your girlfriend think of it?

BKred:

She thought it sucked too. We had a hard time determining which was worse: Indy 4 or this.

I contend Indy 4 is worse, because Sex and the City didn't ruin the show, while Indy 4 ruined the original trilogy. She disagreed, since Indy 4 was at least more entertaining than this boring 2.5 hour garbage. I'm still undecided.

I'm pretty sure when the funniest part of a movie is a poop joke, that its not a good movie.

I think I agree with your girlfriend, Rod. This is worse because it never was good to begin with. Indy 4 might have been a disgrace to the original, but it was still pretty entertaining, and at least we have 3 great movies to look back on. With this one, well... it just sucked. It didn't ruin anything because it was already ruined.

Do you hear that sound? It's the bottom of the barrel being scraped as Hollywood tries desperately to find things to make movies out of. How this got on the big screen will mystify me to no end.

And people, this is script is to discuss the movie that's posted, not others. Wait until Rod actually makes an Indy 4 Abridged Script before you bitch about it.

And Nick, this is script is to discuss your poor grammar that's posted, not others. Wait until passing 3rd grade before you bitch about it.

the only person i ever remember truly enjoying this show was a gay guy i knew in college. he raved about it. all the time. folks, i think if anything, rod deserves our pity for being forced to see this. i do appreciate the script though. new reasons to post always perk up my Mondays.

Too bad about the penance, Rod. Indy IV made me ashamed to be an Indiana Jones fan. I can't imagine the Sex and the City film being much worse, unless the four girls "return to the space between spaces."

I've not even dared to watch this film, I'm sure I'll hate it. But I hate most films.
Check my review on my site for me hating on the new Indy film, by the way ;)

*clicks on link*

Nono, I want to read the whole scr-

Oh, this IS the abridged script. HA!

Woah, woah, woah Jim. What's with you throwing in the gay guy thing? Gay guys don't have good taste in movies?

I've also heard people say that Indy 4 was the best one, HAAAAAAA! That's just funny. But I don't know about you guys, but yall must admit, it was better than Live Free or Die Hard, becuz that movie lost it's touch, Indy however still felt the same for me, except some parts.

Could've tried a little harder, but I suppose it doesn't deserve any real effort.

SARAH JESSICA PARKER, is, and has always been an ugly, anorexic excuse for a woman. She has no talent as an actress and is surely nothing even approximating beautiful. However, the Hollywood spin machine has told the gullible public that she is a goddess so many times that even the spin doctors believe it, now. Unfortunately, it just ain't so. I rather enjoyed the other 3 actresses, however. SJP needs a new line of work.

Seriously - how in the blue bloody Fuck did this recieve 1 and 1/2 stars??

I have never watched a single episode of the show, but from what i heard from my (female) friends, i could've summed up the entire movie (almost) exactly that Rod did, except i wouldn't have to sit through 2.5 hours of pure unadultrated grabage...but than again...my gf has been talkin about goin to the theatre to watch it...prepare to go into a self induced coma...

Pretty lazy script Rod.

You coulda really tore this piece of shit a fresh one.

I appreciate that instead of taking the easy shots at this completely pointless and annoying movie, you just kept it simple. Well done.

Hmm. SATC had Sarah Jessica Horseface Parker, but IJ4 had Shia Lebarf, so I think it's a push between the two films.

Hmmm. Make that most of Rod's readers.

Joker;

I think the point is that SATC didn't really DESERVE the time and attention needed for Rod to write a lengthier script for it. I feel bad enough the poor S.O.B. had to sit through it in the first place, don't you? Do we really want Rod to have to sit down and REMEMBER this piece of filth frame-by-frame, moment-by-moment, in order to satisfy our own needs? Talk about A Clockwork Orange type of torture! That he took the time to do this much(in my opinion) is a heroic effort.

And for all those questioning Sara Jessica Horseface's looks, I think you'll be pleased to know that since she failed to place in this past month's Kentucky Derby, her rider(Matthew Broderick) is scheduled to take her out behind the barn this weekend and shoot her in the head. :-)

*clicks on link*

Nono, I want to read the whole scr-

Oh, this IS the abridged script. HA!

Haha, I thought the same thing for a few seconds until I noticed the "END" at the bottom.

Wild horses couldn't drag me to this movie. Brave man, Rod.

I can't believe they allow Sarah Jessica Parker on TV - she looks like a foot.

I liked the abridged-abridged script for this, lol.

Sometimes those are just as – if not moreso – funny than the longer entries.

Good show, ol' chap

I've never watched a full episode of Sex and the City, but I feel like I get the point from just seeing random clips and screenshots. Likewise, Rod's script is the appropriate length and probably has the same amount of content in it as the actual script for this movie.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems all Carrie does is obsess over men and fashion (which she then proceeds to write about when she's at home). Does she ever do anything interesting enough to justify her enormous popularity?

Thought it was about time I posted here, having been a reader for at least 8 years. Firstly, good work Rod, keep it up! Don't let the whiners get you down. Perhaps you can confound them by changing the 'Coming Soon' box to a link to a list of every film ever on IMDB.

Secondly, trivia: it transpired that the dress Sarah Jessica Parker wore to the premiere had been worn before at similarly momentous events. She described this as "unethical" behaviour by the designers.

P.S. Sean C, don't be sad, there is an AD movie coming, no? It seems to be gaining momentum.

Back when the show was still considered 'new' and 'edgy' I rented season one on video to see what the fuss was about. I was young enough at the time to mostly consider the 'gimmick' of women candidly talking about sex on TV to be entertaining enough to overlook the bad writing, bad acting, bad Everyting... until near the end of that season it delivered this little gem of a line...

"You're breaking up with me, while you're still Inside me?"

Haven't touched the franchise since.

Heh, very nice job on this script. That's about the gist of it! Nicely done as always!

Personally, I want you to do a script for The Great Train Robbery (1915), then work your way to present time. Heh.

[...] latest additions: - Iron Man - Sex and the City - [...]

I'm not saying that this site is an exclusive boys club. However I will bet that none Rods female fans would see themselves as "girly-girls" -the target audience for chick flicks.
They might also dislike the film but the reasons will be less logical and clinical. This abridged script is exactly the right length for Rod's audience.
You may or may not be dragged to another chick flick in you life Rod, but abridging it would be redundant. The one above covers the lot.

As for as the original TV show, it was made for a certain kind of woman and they liked it. A LOT. I can live with that. There are enough crappy action blockbusters aimed at you and me to get worked up about.

You people are WAY too hard on poor Sarah Jessica Parker! I mean, just LOOK at the caption photo! All four of those women are hags! None would be worthy of a boot out of bed mind you, but be sure to go to HER place so you can sneak out afterwards with out waking her!

Someday I may actually watch an episode of Sex in the City. Or, on second though, probably not. When ever it came on was a signal for me to grab the remote and find something else :)

i think it's just good entertainment
and if you went to that movie with your girlfriend
you showed her that she really loves you
like she does when she went to actionmovies with you

i'm probably in the target audience (young woman). but the fact that the whole movie had less actual content then Rod's piece kind of trew me off.
same with the serie. replacing story-depth with sex might work for some people but it doesn't interest me. if i want to see hours of sluts getting it on with one guy after another i'd go to the 'adult section' of the local video store and spare myself some moronic dialogue sequences.

Tom J. got it right. There is a target audience (i.e. the fans of the show), and no one else would get it. That's just the way it is. Similarly, I would hate any Arrested Development movie basically because I didn't like the show. Nothing against those who did though (apparently a lot; I don't get it).

I fast forwarded through the whole film, and i'm sorry Rod had to sit through it. I think SATC, both the series and the film, are some of the most superficial, shallow, empty hearted, empty minded pieces of trash to ever get broadcast. It's like life is all about looking great (their idea of great), being anorexic and sleeping with strangers. If that's the sort of glamorous life i'm missing on, then my mind is at ease.

Sorry about the rant, but these type of series and movies really annoy me .. especially since there are so many people who live by them.

Rod's script, as always, was better than the film itself. I wouldn't have given it 1 and 1/2 stars, though, more like 0.5.

What a bunch of conformists.All fans of the show and this movie are all conformists.

Do you really have to look/act/talk like the characters from the show?Do you really have so much less of a life that you live by a really bad show that without the word 'Sex' you probably would never of even watched?

What a sad state this country is in right now.I am ashamed to be an American because people go out and actually eat this garbage of a movie.If you can even call it that.

Calling this a movie is an insult to the name movie.If I could rate this less than zero stars I would,giving it zero stars is being very nice.

I remember about 10 years ago when I was 12 and thought this show was some form of soft-core porn on HBO. I was thoroughly disappointed.

Actually, it was really hard 4 me to watch this movie...
I've seen The sex and the City - 4 about 5 or 6 times and was waiting 4 the movie. I saw it at the cinema...but I couldn't understand people whi were laughing at smth when my heart was bleeding...I mean people who think that the Sex &...is a funny movie - they're mistaken... it's a real life...it's our life...cruel, unpredictable and exciting.
Thx 4 the movie, actors, thx 4 my tears...

*yawn*

kirstin something-or-other is REALLY REALLY hot!!

@ Stacy

I sincerely hope the whole

"I mean people who think that the Sex &…is a funny movie - they’re mistaken… it’s a real life…it’s our life…cruel, unpredictable and exciting."

was some form of disguised sarcasm .. because if you really believe that .. Sex&the city is/reflects life .. well ... that's insane. The series and the film were just marketing tools for otherwise unsellable clothes and shoes ... if people dressed like that in real life .. they'd be considered nuts.

Damn! You guys are really some haters! I loved the movie & the series. The show is purely for entertainment value, just as another other fictional film. True, if you weren’t a fan of the series, then you probably wouldn’t understand the movie. To K.C., I don’t feel like ALL fans of the show are conformists. I don’t relate to the characters of Sex & the City in anyway. They’re nothing like me (ie. Different age, different race, different moral values, etc). However, I get a kick of tuning in and seeing what’s going on with the characters. It’s a nice little break from reality. At the end of the day, you have to remember that this movie and many others are PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT VALUE.

This is show is a waste of air time. Bring back Will and Grace! I'd rather watch friends and have unprotected sex with a child molester who is HIV positive.

I definitely think some people are hating on the movie for way different reasons than Rod and "agreeing" with him for it. He didn't like the movie because he thought it was degrading to women, not because it was about sexually liberated people.

The Sergeant is onto something.

If there's one opinion regarding this movie I hate more than "omfg i love it it's soooo good im just like carrie!!!" its "god all of these women are such sluts!"

Fuck you, prudes. I can list at least fifty movies off the top of my head about a group of dudes that don't care about anything but sex and nobody says that kind of horseshit about them.

The problem with this movie is not that there are four women who are sexually active and unashamed of it. The problem with the movie is that it's extremely hypocritical by claiming to promote notions of gender equality and female empowerment while structuring a fantasy story around stereotypical submissive female roles.

I agree with The Sargent. This series is highly demeaning to women. It's like the Amos & Andy of women's tv.

If you don't like the show then the fans say that you are anti-feminism and/or are too serious. Gee, how nice of them to be an opinion nazi.

hILTON, YOU ARE AWESOME.

Oh! I did not realize that Rod Hilton was such a caring, sensitive, liberated, modern-thinking pussycat of a man! Thank you for setting us all straight on what type of callous, thoughtless, neanderthals all the rest of us poor slobs are.

Or, maybe, a lot of us realize that the movie AND the series are nothing more than unrealistic tripe and know that we can't judge anybody based on that type of canted garbage. Hollywood isn't known for realistic accuracy in ANYTHING they do. Why would you assume we think their portrayals in this movie would be any different? I know I sure as heck don't!

Not a big fan of the really short scripts. I was hoping Rod would destroy that giant tumor of a movie.

What about Jennifer Hudson, who served no purpose other than for the filmmakers to have a black chick in the film (It is 2009, and token black characters who don't do anything still exist. Tragic.). Then there are the Mexico scenes where the girls talk about CYNTHIA NIXON's extremely harry bush and KRISTIN DAVIS has shit in her fucking pants. What was point of having the beautiful KRISTIN DAVIS shit in her pants?

But I'm glad Rod mentioned the fact that the women forgave their asshole boyfriends/husbands. But then again, all that talk about Sex in the City empowering women always was horseshit.

Can't wait for "Sex and the City 2: 3 Whores and Their Grandma Go To Dubai".

Pussy whipped.