Welcome to Westworld!! Would you prefer smoking or non-smoking robots?

WESTWORLD (1973)

The Patron-Exclusive Abridged Script

FADE IN:

EXT. JUST OUTSIDE WESTWORLD

A TV CREW is reporting LIVE on location!

TV REPORTER

Good evening, this is the Exposition News Network. We're standing outside Delos, the fantastical robot theme park, where guests can experience Westworld, Medieval World, or Roman World, for only $1,000 a day! Which in 2017 money is like, what, ten zillion dollars? Ha ha, why'd I choose that year at random? Anyway, let's interview some satisfied customers!

MAN ON THE STREET

I've just been to Westworld and it's keen! I got to play gunfighter!

OTHER MAN ON THE STREET

Medieval World is nifty! I won a joust!

WOMAN ON THE STREET

Roman World was amazing! I mean, when in Rome, do the Romans, ha ha ha right? Every rod leads to Rome! I mean, Rome wasn't built in an all-day all-night non-stop orgy of carnal depravity, if you follow me. I guess what I'm saying is, don't be a Nero and fiddle THEY FUCKED ME SO RAW, MY GOD, MY LAST FIVE ORGASMS STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED AND MY CLIT IS SO FUCKING ENGORGED RIGHT FUCKING NOW, I WANT TO GO BACK AND FUCK TILL I DIE

(masturbates)

TV REPORTER

Ha ha. Yes, there's something for everyone, at Delos! Have we got a vacation... for YOU!

(pause)

Though if you're thinking Roman World you might wanna book early, I'm just saying.

INT. BIG GIANT ARRIVAL CRAFT THINGIE

JAMES BROLIN, RICHARD BENJAMIN, and other passengers (including DICK VAN PATTEN!), are on their way to the far-out happening DELOS THEME PARK! And since the whole TV NEWS INFODUMP SCENE was hastily added after everything else was filmed, we get to have a whole SECOND ROUND of exposition from the ORIGINAL introductory scene!

JAMES BROLIN

So yeah, Roman World is basically nonstop fucking. Then you have Medieval World, which has swordfights and feasts, and fucking. And Westworld, where we're going, which has gunfighting. And fucking.

RICHARD BENJAMIN

I'm sure curious to see this place for the first time! Good thing I have you with me, who has been here many times.

JAMES BROLIN

It's also good that at least one of us brought some screen presence. That'd be me, by the way.

Ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word

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