"C'mon man, I need this cash! I'm saving up to put my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson through Starfleet Academy!"

TROUBLE MAN

The Patron-Exclusive Abridged Script

FADE IN:

EXT. BACKYARD SWIMMING POOL

ROBERT HOOKS struts out in his THREE-HUNDRED-DOLLAR SUIT to bid farewell to last night's date.

WOMAN IN POOL

Morning Robert. Thanks for the great sex!

ROBERT HOOKS

You're welcome! And I think that establishes my character enough to start the opening credits.

CUE: FUCKING AWESOME MARVIN GAYE SOUNDTRACK

ROBERT drives around the astonishingly uncongested Los Angeles roadways as we listen to the kick-ass THEME SONG.

ROBERT HOOKS

Huh, I guess Once Upon A Time in Hollywood wasn't lying, the streets really were emptier back then. I mean, back now.

ROBERT gets to his place, takes off his THREE-HUNDRED-DOLLAR SUIT and puts on a WHOLE NEW THREE-HUNDRED-DOLLAR SUIT, then heads to work.

INT. POOL HALL

It turns out ROBERT'S workplace is the local POOL HALL, where he sits in a tall chair sipping REFRESHING COCA-COLA and waits to be hired for his distinctive blend of TROUBLE-MANNING.

POOL HALL PATRON

Hey there, Mr. T. I have a fool that needs pitying, and...

ROBERT HOOKS

Fuck you, THAT Mr. T doesn't exist for another thirteen years. I came first so fuck off with that shit.

PATRON

My apologies. But I also have something from the actual movie to talk about. A baby got hurt thanks to a rental apartment's awful state of non-repair, and we need something done.

ROBERT HOOKS

Now that sounds like a job for... Trouble Man.

ROBERT is challenged to play pool by newcomer JAMES "TEXAS BLOOD" BROWN, also known as "YOUNGBLOOD", a noteable real-life Bank Pool hustler in L.A. at the time (thanks, azbilliards.com!).

JAMES "TEXAS BLOOD" BROWN

No way you can defeat my pool skills!

(makes trick shot)

ROBERT HOOKS

You walked into the wrong film, man.

(sinks every ball in order with one shot while making sweet love to dozens of beautiful women and sipping COOL REFRESHING COCA-COLA)

JAMES "TEXAS BLOOD" BROWN

Damn. I'm clearly outclassed here, I'll leave the movie now.

(vanishes)

ROBERT is approached by local gangsters PAUL WINFIELD and RALPH WAITE.

PAUL WINFIELD

We require your services, Robert, and I think I know how to entice you...

(reveals assortment of Earl Grey, Orange Pekoe, English Breakfast)

ROBERT HOOKS

God dammit it's Mr. T, just the letter T, for Trouble! Fuck's sake!

RALPH WAITE

Our apologies. But we have a serious problem, our craps games are getting robbed. We need a man to deal with this trouble.

ROBERT HOOKS

Fine, let's discuss this while driving around listening to more of Marvin Gaye's excellent soundtrack. Cool?

PAUL WINFIELD

You're daaaaamn right.

ROBERT HOOKS

(glares)

PAUL WINFIELD

I mean, sure thing.

They drive about haggling over ROBERT'S FEES which is a little odd since PAUL and RALPH just want to frame ROBERT and never pay him at all, but maybe that's just to avoid raising suspicion.

Ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word

Access Denied!

Sorry, this script is a patron-exclusive. Whenever you see the Patreon icon next to a script, that means the script is for Patrons only, and you'll to log into to Patreon to view it. Fucking bullshit, am I right?

If you want, you can become a Patron yourself by pledging a single dollar per month to help keep the site updated regularly. Depending on how much you pledge, you'll be able to read this script and a bunch of others.

Already a patron? You just need to log in to Patreon and find the posted link to this script.

Discussion