The Terminator has a special way of deterring Jehovah's Witnesses.

TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY

The Patron-Exclusive Abridged Script

FADE IN:

EXT. POST APOCALYPTIC LOS ANGELES - 2029 (ACCORDING TO THIS TIME LINE AT LEAST?)

The HUMAN RESISTANCE fights KILLER ROBOTS with LASER GUNS mounted on the back of PICKUP TRUCKS. No, REALLY. They will eventually WIN with this strategy.

LINDA HAMILTON (V/O)

So it turns out everything I did to prevent Judgment Day in the first movie didn’t amount to jack shit and Skynet sent ANOTHER Terminator back to kill my son when he’s a pre-teen... instead of when he was a toddler... or a newborn... or JESUS ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO WIN SKYNET?!?!?

EXT. LOS ANGELES - 1995 (PRE-APOCALYPTIC WHILE STILL LOOKING POST APOCALYPTIC-ISH!)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER arrives from THE FUTURE, presumably after having run 88 MPH.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER

Huh? Skynet couldn’t spring for a different looking model? Was Cyberdyne bought out by Apple or what? Well at least I have a different haircut, so that’s new I guess.

ARNOLD walks into a nearby BIKER BAR while being totally ASS NAKED.

BAR PATRONS

We are strangely okay with this and just stare at Arnold’s junk instead of calling the police or pointing to the “Rock Out With Your Cock Out Prohibited” sign.

The BIKERS proceed to burn, stab, and bludgeon ARNOLD.

BIKERS

The fact none of that hurt you or that you are acting like an indestructible robot doesn’t seem to science with us.

BAR PATRONS

And we’re STILL not calling the police even after Arnold just fucked half of you guys up.

ARNOLD steals one of the biker’s clothes and his HOG.

BARKEEP

(tosses Arnold a shotgun and sunglass)

You forgot these! They’re on the house!

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER

Wouldn’t sunglasses fuck with my robot vision somehow? I only wore them in the first movie after my eye got fragged.

BARKEEP

But you look so cool in them!

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER

I suppose Skynet’s real reason for sending me back was to be a trend setter!

Elsewhere...

ROBERT PATRICK arrives from THE FUTURE and uses his SHAPE-SHIFTING power to take the uniform of a COP he just MURDERED.

ROBERT PATRICK

Priority 1: Stop myself from agreeing to be in Double Dragon. Priority 2: Kill Edward Furlong! Then maybe they’ll actually hire a GOOD actor to play John Connor this time!

He will fail at BOTH of those things.

Ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word

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