An exclusive sneak preview of J.K. Rowling's "Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them"

HORNS

The Patron-Exclusive Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. DANIEL RADCLIFFE’S APARTMENT

DANIEL RADCLIFFE wakes up hungover on his floor. He stumbles over to his VINTAGE RECORD PLAYER and peruses his ENORMOUS SHELVES OF VINYL ALBUMS.

DANIEL RADCLIFFE

Ah, the classic wall of records. The only quicker way to have a main character annoy its audience is mustache wax and lensless eyeglasses. Ah well, I guess I’ll ignore the fact that I’m clearly hungover and blare whatever song our modest budget managed to secure the rights to.

It's HEROES by BOWIE and it's used A BUNCH. DANIEL walks outside and is accosted by NEWS REPORTERS.

REPORTER 1

Daniel, how does it feel having gotten away with murder? Good, right? I bet good.

REPORTER 2

Daniel, why did you kill your girlfriend Juno Temple and do you think we’ve established the backstory enough with our questions?

REPORTER 3

Daniel, can I get Emma Watson’s number? Also, news things.

DANIEL RADCLIFFE

All of you, bugger off! Er, I mean, go fuck yourselves, fellow Americans!

INT. BAR

DANIEL escapes from the MEDIA, takes solace at THE BAR, and is served a drink by his bartender and childhood friend, KELLI GARNER.

DANIEL RADCLIFFE

Man, wrongfully accused of murdering my significant other, hounded endlessly by the media, hanging out with the barmaid. This seems so familiar...

KELLI GARNER

Yeah, it’s just “Gone Girl” but without the biting social commentary and with more random religious symbolism.

DANIEL RADCLIFFE

Oh, you’re right. Wait, does that mean you’re my sister?

KELLI GARNER

Nope, I’m the town slut.

DANIEL RADCLIFFE

Brilliant!

They FUCK.

Ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word

Access Denied!

Sorry, this script is a patron-exclusive. Whenever you see the Patreon icon next to a script, that means the script is for Patrons only, and you'll to log into to Patreon to view it. Fucking bullshit, am I right?

If you want, you can become a Patron yourself by pledging a single dollar per month to help keep the site updated regularly. Depending on how much you pledge, you'll be able to read this script and a bunch of others.

Already a patron? You just need to log in to Patreon and find the posted link to this script.

Discussion