Phil's Groundhog Powers suddenly make him remember the donut in the bag has no sprinkles.

GROUNDHOG DAY

The Patron-Exclusive Abridged Script

This was a short script I did for Total Film as part of their “Total Film loves the 90’s” issue. They asked me to write a script for all ten of their favorite movies from each year in the 90’s, and this was 1993’s. I never posted it on the site because I never expanded to be long enough beyond the Total Film word limit.

I’m using this script to test out the technical aspects of having patron-only scripts on the site.

FADE IN:

EXT. PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - GROUNDHOG DAY

BILL MURRAY, sarcastic and cynical, goes with ANDIE MACDOWELL and CHRIS ELLIOT to the GROUNDHOG FESTIVAL.

BILL MURRAY

I'm a jerk, and I'll always be a jerk. Nothing can happen to make me see the error of my jerkitude, especially not a magic spell that no part of the movie would even attempt to explain!

CHRIS ELLIOT

What about your feelings for Andie "When You Can't Get Julia Roberts" MacDowell?

BILL MURRAY

Love is no match for my Wall Of Disinterested Sarcasm.

EXT. PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - GROUNDHOG DAY

BILL MURRAY wakes up in his room.

BILL MURRAY

I'm having serious deja vu. I'll think nothing of this and respond caustically. Everyone is stupid except me.

EXT. PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - GROUNDHOG DAY

BILL MURRAY wakes up in his room.

BILL MURRAY

This seems odd, yet not enough to penetrate my many layers of lethargy.

EXT. PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - GROUNDHOG DAY

BILL MURRAY

I suddenly see that I can use this repeating day thing to my advantage and fulfill my wildest fantasies! I mean, as wild as fantasies involving reliving the same day can get, anyway.

ANDIE MACDOWELL

So you can eat junk food and tell people stuff about them that they're already willing to tell people?

BILL MURRAY

Yes! Mwa-ha-ha! My deepest desires realized at last!

EXT. PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - GROUNDHOG DAY

BILL MURRAY

I've run out of things to do, but at least this time-loop will prevent me from ever starring in "The Man Who Knew Too Little."

EXT. PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - GROUNDHOG DAY

BILL MURRAY

Okay, this is starting to suck. I'm think I'm going crazy.

ANDIE MACDOWELL

Having to talk to Chris Elliot every day is enough to drive anyone insane.

EXT. PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - GROUNDHOG DAY

BILL MURRAY

Perhaps I will use my powers to have sex with hot chicks.

(looks around)

Oh. Perhaps I will use my powers to have sex with moderately attractive middle-aged women.

He DOES.

BILL MURRAY

I am unfulfilled. Obviously what I really want is to have sex with Julia Roberts. But since she's not here, I'll go after Andie MacDowell.

He FAILS. REPEATEDLY.

EXT. PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - GROUNDHOG DAY

BILL MURRAY

This sucks. I'm depressed now. I'm going to kill myself.

EXT. PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - GROUNDHOG DAY

BILL MURRAY

I'll kill myself in another way.

EXT. PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - GROUNDHOG DAY

BILL MURRAY

Really not seeing any kind of pattern here, so I'll just keep killing myself in different ways.

EXT. PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - GROUNDHOG DAY

BILL MURRAY

Okay screw it, I'll learn to play the piano instead.

This breaks the spell!

END

Ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word

Access Denied!

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