Hey, do you hear violins?

FINDING NEMO

The Patron-Exclusive Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. 2002 AQUARIUM SCREENSAVER

Clownfish CGI ALBERT BROOKS has just finished moving in to his new AMENOME AMENEME AMENONEME ANEMONE with his wife, CGI ELIZABETH PERKINS.

CGI ALBERT BROOKS

Oh boy, this is going to be great! Living in a gorgeous chunk of the Great Barrier Reef, a miracle of the natural world that will no doubt last forever! And with my gorgeous wife, no less! How are our hundreds of children doing, Elizabeth?

CGI ELIZABETH PERKINS

Incubating just fine.

CGI ALBERT BROOKS

Man, I gotta say, I really appreciate Pixar's willingness to break Disney formula. They don't do musicals or happy villages, they don't tarnish great standalone films with unnecessary sequels, and they don't kill parental figures all willy-nilly.

CGI ELIZABETH PERKINS

Yep. Surely we shall raise our children in peace. It's not like Disney's going to start their heartwarming, child-friendly adventure with a Bambi moment.

Suddenly, a BARRACUDA appears!

CGI ALBERT BROOKS

Honey, come into our anemone where it's safe!

CGI ELIZABETH PERKINS

No! The kids! I must save them by clearly indicating where they are and then diving down towards them in a flurry of motion which that barracuda will no doubt notice, instead of quietly coming inside, letting the barracuda pass in peace, and having shit-tons more babies with you on the off chance he does eat a few eggs!

ELIZABETH tries to SAVE the EGGS! ALBERT tries to SAVE HER! Both of them FAIL HORRIBLY!

CGI ALBERT BROOKS

Jesus Fishslapping Christ, that was brutal. Well, at least I won Disney Parental Death Russian Roulette so I'll probably be alright for the rest of the movie. I'll take care of you, tiny surviving egg....

FLASHFORWARD TO:

Ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word

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