Hawkeye: Origins

BIG GAME

The Patron-Exclusive Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. REMOTE HUNTING CABIN - FINLAND

Thirteen-year-old ONNI TOMMILA is brought into the cabin by his HUNTER DAD.

HUNTER DAD

Look, son. This is our trophy wall, where various Nordic countries have bagged a small piece of the American box office. There's "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", over there's "Dancer in the Dark", and on this shelf is that running joke from Carpenter's "The Thing". As you see, Finland is sadly underrepresented. Setting that right now falls... to you.

ONNI'S DAD takes him to a BIG ROCK where his entire village is waiting to send him off.

HUNTER DAD

I have faith in you, son. Faith, and this map with a red X on it where the, er, best place to hunt is. Yup.

ONNI TOMMILA

I dunno Dad. I can't even pull back this puny bowstring.

HUNTER DAD

Ah but remember, when hunting audience share, it is sometimes best to pull HEARTstrings instead. Now, away!

INT. AIR FORCE ONE

SAMUEL L. JACKSON is preparing for his appearance at the WORLD CLUMSY EXPOSITION SUMMIT when--

RAY STEVENSON

Excuse me, Mister President Samuel L. Jackson, sir. We'll be starting our descent shortly, almost as steeply as your current descent in the polls, since you are a sucky, awful President.

SAMUEL L. AMEDUCK JACKSON

Thanks, Top Secret Service Agent Ray Stevenson. I guess delivering that news was WAY easier than when you took a bullet for me, right? Oh shit, how insensitive of me to bring up your lingering injury. Let's talk about something less awkward like how it's forcing you into retirement after this flight, DAMMIT there I go again. Tell you what let's watch the inflight movie "Bullet in the Head" OOPS I mean "Silver Bullet" FUCKING HELL

RAY STEVENSON

That's okay, I'm not bitter or vengeful at all. See you in the grave. I mean, under the ground. ON. On the ground. Is where I'll see you. Ha, ha ha.

Ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word

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