"AAAAGHH I'M TURNING INTO LEEEAVES, WHY DID I DRINK FROM THAT HUGH JACKMAN TREEEE"


"AAAAGHH I'M TURNING INTO LEEEAVES, WHY DID I DRINK FROM THAT HUGH JACKMAN TREEEE"

THEY CAME TOGETHER

The Very Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. A NEW YORK RESTAURANT LIKE YOU WOULD SEE IN ROMANTIC COMEDIES

PAUL RUDD and AMY POEHLER are having zany dinner with BILL HADER and ELLIE KEMPER like characters do in romantic comedies.

AMY POEHLER

(mugging)

Guess what, guys! This movie is a parody of romantic comedies!

PAUL RUDD

(also mugging)

And we don't mean that "Meet the Spartans" type bullshit either. It's in the style of the classic Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker flicks like "Airplane!" or "Top Secret!", featuring witty deconstruction of genre conventions.

AMY POEHLER

(mugging plus felony assault)

But with romantic comedies!

BILL HADER

Okay, we get it, but why are you fucking around telling us? Why not just DO a parody?

AMY POEHLER

(holds up sign saying "WE ARE MAKING FUN OF ROMANTIC COMEDIES")

You know what was great about those ZAZ movies? The way they chose a genre to parody that was already completely frivolous and frothy, like war, disaster, and cop movies.

PAUL RUDD

(contorting entire face)

Ooo, and how they would explain a joke step-by-step right before and just after it happened, sometimes leaving out the joke altogether!

AMY POEHLER

(tearing head open with exaggerated smile)

And how the actors were constantly winking at the camera and overselling the gags!

PAUL RUDD

(having seventy-four strokes at once)

And how Leslie Nielsen would never let a self-satisfied smirk leave his punchable face! Yup, we've got the recipe down, now onward with our loveable rom-com spoof!

ELLIE KEMPER

Um, guys...

PAUL and AMY cockguzzle the fourth-worst episodes of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER and SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE and then VOMIT the resulting PUKESPOOGE all over the audience.

PAUL RUDD

Huh, that didn't come out ZAZ-like at all. Surely we didn't miss something, did we?

(thinks)

LESLIE NIELSEN

(deadpan)

Well, perhaps just one wee little thing called THE FUCKING POINT. And stop calling me Shirley.

END

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