Occupy Protesters have traded in their Guy Fawkes masks for the new PewDiePie model.


Occupy Protesters have traded in their Guy Fawkes masks for the new PewDiePie model.

THE PURGE: ANARCHY

The Abridged Script

FADE IN:

OPENING TEXT

One night every year in America all crime, including but ESPECIALLY murder, is legal. Thanks to the annual Purge fewer and fewer citizens are unemployed or live below the poverty line, because the government realized the best way to cure record unemployment and poverty is with murder. And the American public, many of which are working poor and teetering on that poverty line or are below it, apparently agreed to this(?). Yeah, that makes sense.

INT. SHITTY FUTURE APARTMENT (WHICH LOOKS LIKE A SHITTY CONTEMPORARY APARTMENT) - 2023

FRANK GRILLO is hard at work emanating copious amounts of MANLINESS.

FRANK GRILLO

Hey guys! You may remember me as that guy who tried to kill Liam Nesson in that wolf boxing movie, or that guy who tried to kill Jason Statham in that one Jason Statham movie, or that guy who tried to kill Captain America and his black friend, but I'm finally starring in my very own Hollywood movie and I intend to earn your trust!

FRANK'S EX-WIFE

Frank, I know you plan to murder the man who accidentally man-slaughtered our son, so I'm begging you please don't do it.

FRANK GRILLO

You mean like I'm sure I begged you not to leave me for a new husband and his family? No thanks.

FRANK'S EX-WIFE

Screw you Frank! I'm risking my safety by visiting you a few hours before The Purge begins and this is the thanks I get?

FRANK GRILLO

But I'm risking my life by actually going out during The Purge to get justice for our murdered son while you hide out safely at your new home, so which of us seems like the more caring parent here?

FRANK'S EX-WIFE

I think I'd better go now.

FRANK GRILLO

Good, because I've got 10 more pounds of grizzledness to put on before The Purge starts.

FRANK'S EX-WIFE

(is never seen or heard from again)

INT. SHITTY FUTURE DINER (WHICH LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE A SHITTY DINER FROM ANY TIME PERIOD)

CARMEN EJOGO

I am a poor waitress who is also a single mother with a sickly father. There, that should be enough for the audience to care about me.

JUSTINA MACHADO

As your sexually promiscuous friend I advise you to go have fun by chowing down on some cock.

CARMEN EJOGO

I'm an independent woman in future America, I don't need no man to take care of me.

JUSTINA MACHADO

But you've at least purchased a couple of guns to protect you and your family during The Purge, right?

CARMEN EJOGO

Not even one!

THE PURGE is going to start in like 20 MINUTES so CARMEN takes a LEISURELY stroll home because hey, no rush, right?

NOEL GUGLIEMI

Hello Carmen. I'm a creepy street thug that you know. Man you are sexy. If only there were a way I could force my penis inside you without going to jail.

CARMEN EJOGO

Clearly you plan to perform rape on me. I had better double back and go buy a gun from that OTHER street thug I know.

(pause)

Or I could just let you follow me back to my apartment and hang a big sign outside my door that says "Totally defenseless, rapists welcome!".

She DOES this.

INT. CARMEN'S SHITTY APARTMENT (WHICH LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE-- YOU KNOW WHAT? ALL THE PLACES IN THIS MOVIE ARE EQUALLY SHITTY SO I'LL REFRAIN FROM USING THIS JOKE A FOURTH TIME, ALRIGHT?)

CARMEN's teenage daughter ZOË SOUL is watching Anti-Purge Revolutionary MICHAEL K. WILLIAMS' YouTube Channel.

MICHAEL K. WILLIAMS

The Purge is just an excuse for the wealthy 1% to kill off all the poor and undesirables in our society! Don't let them! Fight back! Attica! If you liked this video be sure to drop a Like and Subscribe!

CARMEN EJOGO

Zoë, why are you listening to him? He's just a lazy jobless agitator who's demonizing the job creators of this country.

ZOË SOUL

But doesn't it seem kind of unfair that the rich can insulate themselves from the violence and destruction caused by The Purge while it mostly affects the poor and the middle class?

CARMEN EJOGO

No, because the rich are infallible Gods who don't deserve to be criticized or picked on by us lowly commoners. Now where's your Grandpa? I need you to help me change his diaper before we tuck him in for beddy bye time.

CARMEN'S DAD

(in a note)

Carmen, I am tired of being a burden so I sold my life to a rich family so they can have the pleasure of killing me in the safety of their own home. The money will be transferred to your account tomorrow. Spend it well.

ZOË SOUL

Wait, you didn't get the money upfront? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?! What makes you think they're going to stick to their word? Did you sign a contract? What if they don't pay? Are we supposed to take them to court? And what about your remains? Are we going to get your body back for a funeral after they chop you up or are they just going to dump your pieces somewhere?

CARMEN'S DAD

Uh, you see, I didn't actually leave the name of the rich family in my note so we're going by the honor system I guess.

ZOË SOUL

YOU SENILE OLD FUCK!

EXT. MEGA-LO-MART - 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE PURGE BEGINS

ZACH GILFORD and KIELE SANCHEZ are a married couple who are having a vague argument over RELATIONSHIP BULLSHIT.

KIELE SANCHEZ

Given The Purge is about to start is this really the best time to be pissed off at each other?

ZACH GILFORD

More importantly, why the hell did we wait until THIS EXACT MOMENT to do our grocery shopping?!

KIELE SANCHEZ

Or what about the store employees? They must REALLY love their jobs to still show up to work on the day murder is legal. Does no one take personal days anymore?

ZACH GILFORD

Come, Kiele! Let us hurry back to our home on the other side of the continent before The Purge begins!

That's when they are spotted by a threatening GANG OF TRICK-R-TREATERS.

ZACH GILFORD

(giggling)

Seriously? Are you guys really supposed to be scary?

GANG OF TRICK-R-TREATERS

Of course! Don't our skateboards, hand-made masks and The Crow make-up really sell our scariness? You should totally be shitting your pants right now!

ZACH and KIELE get into their CAR and lock the DOOR.

KIELE SANCHEZ

And that takes care of that.

Their car breaks down literally 5 SECONDS LATER.

ZACH GILFORD

Fuck! I keep forgetting this is technically a horror film so we should have seen that cliche coming! Quick, call for help!

KIELE SANCHEZ

Shit! The Purge just started so no one is coming to help us!

ZACH GILFORD

Great! The ONE TIME a cell phone works in a horror movie!

The GANG OF TRICK-R-TREATERS are right behind them in their RENTAL TRUCK!

GANG OF TRICK-R-TREATERS

That's right! We sabotaged your car! Now give us your candy! By which we mean your hot sticky blood!

ZACH AND KIELE

Zoinks!

(runs away)

EXT. LOS ANGELES - PURGE MONTAGE

LOTS and LOTS of IDIOTS are out Purging without the aid of BULLET PROOF VESTS, COVER, or even SHIRTS in some cases.

IDIOTS WITH BLADED WEAPONS

(jumping out from behind bush)

Ah-ha!

(is shot)

IDIOTS WITH GUNS

Bring a gun next time, morons!

IDIOT WITH FLAMETHROWER

(popping out from behind a rock)

Boo!

(is fucking shot dead)

IDIOTS WITH GUNS

Seriously? Who is dumb enough not to bring a gun to The Purge?

EVERYONE WHO DIED IN THE FIRST 5 MINUTES OF THE PURGE

Us!

IDIOTS WITH GUNS

We were happy to grant your death wishes!

Then the CAMERA lingers on a series of EVIL TRAILER TRUCKS so we know these are the REAL BAD MOTHERFUCKERS, led by SGT. SLAUGHTER (because he's wearing a butcher's apron, get it?).

IDIOTS WITH GUNS

Ha! You're no match for

(is mini-gunned to death)

SGT. SLAUGHTER

Yes, I have a mini-gun. And yes, I am clearly compensating for something.

(pause)

It's my penis.

INT. CARMEN'S APARTMENT

NOEL GUGLIEMI sees the "Rapists Welcome!" doormat and invites himself in.

CARMEN EJOGO

I never should have gone doormat shopping at Spencers. Look, this is all a big misunderstanding so why don't you just leave?

NOEL GUGLIEMI

Well that all depends. Do you have a gun?

CARMEN EJOGO

Nope.

NOEL GUGLIEMI

Well I do, so rape it is!

CARMEN EJOGO

And then what? Are you going to kill me?

NOEL GUGLIEMI

Well it would be pretty awkward for you to keep running into the guy who savagely assaulted you and your daughter and not being able to do anything about it because of The Purge rules. Consider it a mercy killing.

ZOË SOUL

Whoawhoawhoa-- hold it right there-- I'm stopping the movie for a moment to discuss just how FUCKING RETARDED the entire concept of The Purge is and how no sane nation in the universe would ever agree to The Purge if it meant people could rape and kill each other without suffering any conseq--

NOEL GUGLIEMI

(undoing pants)

Look, I've got 18 more rapes to commit and I'm running behind schedule so could you maybe hurry this up a bit--

(is peppered with at least 100 bullets)

SGT. SLAUGHTER

Greetings Carmen! I'm here to help you!

CARMEN EJOGO

Phew!

SGT. SLAUGHTER

I didn't finish. Help you TO DIE!

CARMEN EJOGO

I am SERIOUSLY regretting not buying a gun right about now.

SGT. SLAUGHTER's team of SLAUGHTERETTES are sweeping all the ghetto neighborhoods and KILLING THE POOR AND DISENFRANCHISED, but they drag CARMEN and ZOË out into the street so SGT. SLAUGHTER can mini-gun them to death.

FRANK GRILLO

(driving by in armored Grillo-mobile)

Gasp! An innocent mother and her child are about to be slaughtered by Slaughter! This is surely the first time I have seen this kind of situation all night! I will not jeopardize my chance to avenge my son's death by saving those doomed saps!

FRANK jeopardizes his chance to avenge his son's death by saving those doomed saps!

FRANK GRILLO

So I just gunned down a bunch of the Slaughterettes and shot Sgt. Slaughter in his cheek, a fatal wound if ever I saw one. Now excuse me while I abandon you two ladies and leave you to fend for yourselves.

CARMEN EJOGO

Waaaaaaitaminute, that's not how this works! Now you are responsible for us forever! So says old Chinese proverb!

FRANK GRILLO

Oooh no, we're done here.

CARMEN EJOGO

But you're an emotionally damaged man who lost his family and I am a single mother in need of a man to save me! We're perfect for each other!

FRANK GRILLO

No! No way am I bringing you two future corpses along with me!

ZOË AND CARMEN

(sad puppydog eyes)

FRANK GRILLO

No! Forget it!

ZOË AND CARMEN

(even sadder puppydog eyes)

FRANK GRILLO

(walking away)

No way! I mean it! See you losers never!

ZOË AND CARMEN

You've already taken us back to your Grillo-mobile.

FRANK GRILLO

FUCK! Okay, look, just stay in the backseat and don't make any noise, okay?

But FRANK finds ZACH and KIELE have already beaten them to it.

ZACH AND KIELE

Don't shoot us! We're unarmed!

FRANK GRILLO

So you decided to hide inside the one car that looks like it drove out of the new Mad Max flick and expected the owner NOT to shoot you?

ZACH AND KIELE

Hey, YOU'RE the moron who left the door unlocked!

FRANK GRILLO

(about to shoot them)

Oh that's it GET THE FUCK OUT!

SGT. SLAUGHTER

(coming back to life)

Argh! That bullet to the cheek knocked me out, but I'm back and ready to PAR-TAYYYYYYY!!!

(fires mini-gun! America fuck yeah!)

The GRILLO-MOBILE is hit, but FRANK drives away.

SGT. SLAUGHTER AND GANG OF TRICK-R-TREATERS

Fuck you Frank! Because you stole our kills we will now dedicate the rest of our night to chasing you down!

FRANK GRILLO

Jesus! You know that saying about how no good deed goes unpunished? Myth fucking confirmed!

FRANK drives through a chaotic cityscape that can only be described as the movie equivalent of GTA 5 ONLINE.

CARRIE WHITE

(cameo)

Then the GRILLO-MOBILE suddenly breaks down.

FRANK GRILLO

Apparently I spent thousands of dollars and man hours prepping this car for urban warfare and it was taken out by an expensive machine gun. Looks like we're on foot from here out. Everybody grab a gun and promptly eat a bullet to save me the trouble.

CARMEN EJOGO

Wait! My promiscuous friend Justina lives nearby! She'll shelter us.

FRANK GRILLO

Does she have a car I can use?

CARMEN EJOGO

Will you stop protecting us if I say no?

FRANK GRILLO

Yup.

CARMEN EJOGO

Then she does!

FRANK GRILLO

And I won't be the least bit skeptical or suspect you of lying! Now we just have to get there without the entire city killing us first.

KIELE SANCHEZ

So we're sorta doing The Warriors, then?

FRANK GRILLO

Pretty much.

EXT. SHITTY DOWNTOWN L.A. (AKA NORMAL L.A.)

ZACH GILFORD

Hey, let's say we rob us a bank!

FRANK GRILLO

We can't, the banks routinely move all their money to safe locations before The Purge.

KIELE SANCHEZ

What? So those of us not interested in raping and murdering aren't given the option to rob some Fat Cats blind? How's that fair?

ZACH GILFORD

Even when all crime is legal the banks still find a way to screw us!

ZOË SOUL

So Frank, why'd you save us?

FRANK GRILLO

Because I'm a goddamn moron like the lot of you, except I at least brought guns.

ZOË SOUL

Well we need to start bonding, so even though you risked your life to save me and my mom I will badger you with a lot of annoying questions, as us teenagers are wont to do.

FRANK GRILLO

And I will respond by being annoyed by your grilling, yet impressed in a fatherly way.

This HAPPENS.

The group comes upon one of the EVIL TRAILER TRUCKS, which has been attacked.

KIELE SANCHEZ

(inside trailer)

Holy shit, they've got an entire S.H.I.E.L.D. command center in here! And they even have access to CCTV cameras so they must be working for the government! But why would the government sanction this?

ZOË SOUL

Because Big Government = Evil.

CARMEN EJOGO

But I thought this movie was one of those anti-rich movies, now we're anti-government too?

FRANK GRILLO

I'm not seeing a difference between those two things. Now let's shelve this boring political commentary in favor of watching me strangle a guy!

This HAPPENS and it is BADASS.

L.A. CITIZENS

Hey everybody! Let's all team up and try to kill Frank's group!

This ALSO HAPPENS, but FRANK calms his fellow citizens down by negotiating some BULLETS into their FACES.

Then the group retreats inside a SUBWAY TUNNEL where some JACKASSES have set up their ACME ROCKET SLED and are flamethrowering HOMELESS PEOPLE.

CARMEN is injured so FRANK carries her.

KIELE SANCHEZ

Wow! Frank is so brave and sexy! If only there were another man in our group who could sexily shoot guys in the face!

(pause)

Ahem.

(pause)

I said AHEM!

ZACH GILFORD

Were you talking to ME this whole time?! Great, I guess I'd better turn into a macho badass in order to show my woman I'm not the spineless pansy she thinks I am--

(is wounded)

KIELE SANCHEZ

I have never been so dry in my entire life.

INT. JUSTINA'S APARTMENT COMPLEX

FRANK's group chillax with JUSTINA and her ODD FAMILY.

JUSTINA MACHADO

(being suspicious as fuck)

Greetings everybody! You're safe here! Now drink my wine and eat my food! Go on! Drink! Eat! Eat and drink! I'm not on Meth, I swear!

FRANK GRILLO

Are you trying to poison us? Because you're acting like you're trying to poison us.

JUSTINA MACHADO

Strangely enough, no I'm not, I'm just a drunken pill-popping host who's really eager to please!

FRANK GRILLO

Well I still have some killing to do so can I get those car keys from you?

CARMEN EJOGO

Uh, about that. She doesn't really have a car. I just said that so you wouldn't abandon us.

FRANK GRILLO

The foundation of every relationship is trust, and you just lost mine. Good day, madam.

CARMEN EJOGO

But--

FRANK GRILLO

GOOD! DAY!

(leaving)

JUSTINA'S SISTER

I just realized Justina's promiscuity extends to my husband's schlong, so

(disowns her sister with bullets!)

(divorces her husband also with bullets!)

FRANK's group escapes the building just as the EVIL TRAILER TRUCKS and the SLAUGHTERETTES show up to PURGE the whole fucking block.

FRANK GRILLO

So if I had let Carmen convince me to stay I'd be dead? My God woman, I think the universe is trying to punish me for not letting it kill you. Carmen?

GANG OF TRICK-R-TREATERS

We choose TRICK, motherfucker!

(knocks Frank out)

FRANK and the others are CAPTURED.

KIELE SANCHEZ

Please don't kill us!

GANG OF TRICK-R-TREATERS

We're not!

ZACH GILFORD

Oh thank God Mask!!

GANG OF TRICK-R-TREATERS

We're going to sell you to some rich people and THEY'RE going to kill you! See, we're just poor urban kids who actually aren't interested in purging, we're just trying to make some paper.

FRANK GRILLO

But you do realize that actually makes you guys even WORSE than the people who are purging, right? Aren't you ashamed of yourselves?

GANG OF TRICK-R-TREATERS

Benjamin Franklin will dry our tears.

INT. HIGH SECURITY RICH PEOPLE GALA

FRANK and his gang are AUCTIONED OFF to a room full of ULTRA RICH ASSHOLES who are having a quite lovely DINNER BANQUET INDEED. And at least one guy is wearing a MONOCLE.

EFFIE TRINKET

Welcome to the 6th annual Poverty Games! Each tribute will be locked in a room with no weapons while a team of 1%'ers hunts them down and brutally murders them! May the odds be ever in your favor!

(pause)

The rich folks, I mean. Not you broke ass welfare losers.

FRANK and his gang are brought into the KILL ROOM.

The really, really, really, really, REALLY FUCKING DARK kill room.

FRANK GRILLO

Okay guys, here's the plan--

CARMEN EJOGO

The rest of us are going to sit here and do fuck-all while you pull our asses out of the fire yet again?

FRANK GRILLO

That's a bingo.

The RICH PEOPLE are busy killing off NAMELESS TRIBUTES, giving FRANK the chance to do some STEALTH SHIT.

FRANK GRILLO

Look! A shiny gold coin!

SCROOGE MCDUCK

Where?!

(is killed)

FRANK GRILLO

Oh my God is that your sexy teenage cousin getting undressed?!

JED CLAMPETT

Where?!

(is murdered)

FRANK GRILLO

Over there! The Simpsons just defaulted on their mortgage!

C. MONTGOMERY BURNS

Excellent... hey wait! We're not in Springfi--

(is deaded)

MR. MONOPOLY

Holy shit! Time to pass Go and bounce!

(escapes!)

The RICH PEOPLE are getting WRECKED so they send in security to kill FRANK, but they miss him COMPLETELY and shoot ZACH instead!

ZACH GILFORD

What?! I was the least threatening one in the group! Why the hell did you guys shoot the one guy who was already wounded instead of that extra-grizzled motherfucker with the gun?!

(dies)

KIELE SANCHEZ

Oh my God. No. Not Zach. I am so devastated. He was everyone's favorite character you know.

(sticks finger in mouth)

That's when MICHAEL K. WILLIAMS barges in with his ANTI-PURGE ARMY to save the day by gunning down the RICHIE RICHES!

MICHAEL K. WILLIAMS

Death to the rich bitches! I actually say this in the movie.

EDWIN HODGE

And look, it is I! The homeless guy from the first The Purge! I'm only here to tie the two films together, because otherwise they have almost nothing in common.

FRANK GRILLO

You say that like it's a bad thing. Well it seems The Purge is almost over so I had better go revenge kill my son's murderer already. Kiele, you coming?

KIELE SANCHEZ

Nah, despite denouncing The Purge earlier Zach's death has made me want to help Michael turn the 1%'ers into .01%'ers.

FRANK GRILLO

I approve of your hypocrisy. Carry on.

EXT. HOUSE OF THE GUY WHO KILLED FRANK'S SON - 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE PURGE ENDS

ZOË AND CARMEN

Frank! Don't do it! Killing this man won't bring your son back!

FRANK GRILLO

But it WILL make me feel a hell of a lot better.

ZOË AND CARMEN

Oh. Can't argue with that!

FRANK GRILLO

Now stay in the car. I mean it. Don't come to investigate in case I need your help for some reason.

FRANK goes inside the house and THREATENS his son's killer REALLY REALLY HARD but we CUT AWAY before seeing the killshot so we KNOW that guy is DEAD. YUP. FRANK killed him. YESSIREE BOB. DEAD as DEAD that guy is. NO IF, ANDS, OR BUTS about it.

FRANK GRILLO

Ah, now I can be at peace--

(is shot)

SGT. SLAUGHTER

Oh, you didn't think I forgot about you, did you? I used my government resources to track you down so I could get revenge for the members of my team you killed.

FRANK GRILLO

But why is the government using The Purge to systematically kill its own citizens?

SGT. SLAUGHTER

Because not enough Americans are killing each other. In THIS MOVIE, I mean. Our new utopia only works if lots of poor and underprivileged Americans die.

FRANK GRILLO

But I thought at the end of the first movie they said that was the most successful The Purge ever, so clearly we ARE doing enough killing, right?

SGT. SLAUGHTER

Look, will you just forget about that first The Purge? Everyone agreed the premise was cool but the execution was horseshit, so let's focus on the movie that's actually making good on its set-up. Now let me slowly aim my gun at you and slowly talk some more to give Carmen and Zoë just enough time to sneak up behind me and shoot me in the

(head)

FRANK GRILLO

Thanks Carmen and Zoë! You guys finally stopped being dead weight and returned the favor by saving me for a change!

GUY WHO KILLED FRANK'S SON

No, that was me. This makes up for me getting drunk and accidentally ramming your son with my Subaru, right?

FRANK GRILLO

Yeah I guess so.

(pause)

Even though I wouldn't have been here in the FIRST goddamn place if you had just called a fucking cab--

GUY WHO KILLED FRANK'S SON

Hey you said you forgive me! No take-backs!

ZOË AND CARMEN

(arriving)

What'd we miss? Oh shit! Frank's shot! What happened?!

FRANK GRILLO

You met me at a very strange time in my life.

Suddenly, SGT. SLAUGHTER's goons arrive to kill them all when a FOGHORN signals the END of THE PURGE!

GOONS

Oh. Well I guess we'll just lower our guns and run away now. I mean, it's not like we could just kill all you jerks and still probably get away with it, but we are nothing if not law abiding goons, so we bid you adieu.

(slithers away)

FRANK is rushed to the HOSPITAL.

CARMEN EJOGO

Don't worry Frank! You're going to be okay! I'm sure all the nurses and doctors willingly showed up to work this morning despite all that "murder is legal" business that just ended 10 minutes ago!

She's RIGHT!

FRANK GRILLO

Yes! I lived! And this movie made a huge profit, so I get to headline more movies and become an action star now, right?

WRONG!

In the background the city of LOS ANGELES is BURNING because HOLY FUCK THIS MUST GO FOR EVERY MAJOR CITY IN AMERICA AND THE SAME THING HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE YEAR? THAT'S LIKE 9/11 TIMES 911,000!

ANTI-AMERICAN TERRORISTS

(retires!)

END

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