The Very Abridged Script
INT. DEPRESSINGLY ORDINARY HOUSE
MICHAEL SHANNON and JESSICA CHASTAIN are having breakfast.
Look at you, starring in your very own movie. So how's it going?
I've had a couple bad dreams. So I think I'm turning into a paranoid schizophrenic like my Mom.
Everyone has bad dreams, though...
But I wet myself while dreaming about giant stormclouds that rained yellow fluid everywhere! And it's not lack of sleep, I went straight to bed after winning that beer-keg-chugging contest.
I guess paranoid schizophrenia is the only possible explanation. Now what?
Well, I'm aware of the problem and am actively seeking professional help.
That's good! Hey, maybe this will be the first indie movie ever where the plot doesn't depend on people making life-fuckingly bad choices at every opportunity.
Maybe it will.
Oh, also I'm building a giant underground bunker with a huge loan the bank warned me not to take, and using equipment I misappropriated from work, thus risking unemployment and financial ruin which would make us unable to afford that medical procedure our daughter needs OH GOSH I WONDER IF THAT WILL HAPPEN.
So don't worry, I TOTALLY got this.
Okay, I'll do nothing whatsoever to help you. Like, for the whole movie.
ALL OF MICHAEL'S FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND COWORKERS AND NEIGHBOURS
EXT. WORK SITE
In my dreams, the golden showers make everyone homicidally insane, and I wish I knew why. I wish I knew what it meant. But I REALLY wish I hadn't Google-imaged "golden showers". I need some personal space to figure this out.
MICHAEL arranges for him and his BEST FRIEND to work at different sites, instead of the same site. In response, MICHAEL'S BEST FRIEND demonstrates the depth of his loyalty by getting MICHAEL FIRED and PHYSICALLY ATTACKING HIM AT A CHURCH FUNCTION and somehow this publicly shames MICHAEL, which I guess is his own fault for living in ASSHOLEVILLE.
EXT. MICHAEL AND JESSICA'S PLACE
There is a STORM! They TAKE SHELTER!
Now I'm too scared to leave the shelter.
But we must. Come on, all you need to cure your paranoid schizophrenia is an ultimatum from your wife and some first-class emoting on your part.
(cures his own paranoid schizophrenia)
Hey, you're right! Let's take a vacation.
EXT. MYRTLE BEACH
Look Dad, giant tornadoes made of pee!
Wow, I guess you never had paranoid schizophrenia after all! Instead you had mystical prophetic visions of some impossible calamitous event! All along what we thought was trying to be a sensitive study of the misery and isolation of mental illness was actually a half-assed Twilight Zone episode!
Well at least this cheesy ending undoes the offensive one, kind of. So, yay?
I guess major world events can't bail out ALL my movies.
The WHOLE EARTH gets drenched in CRAZY-MAKING URINE.