SUMMER OF SAM
The Abridged Script
INT. DARK NEW YORK APARTMENT
MICHAEL BADALUCCO is wearing boxers and a wife-beater. The dog next door is barking, and Michael is rocking back and forth on his bed in the fetal position.
Dog, shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Okay, fine, I will.
EXT. DARK NEW YORK CITY STREET
Two BAD ACTRESSES are sitting in a car together. Michael comes up and blows off their heads repeatedly. The actresses do a great job of playing dead.
INT. JOHN LEGUIZAMO'S APARTMENT
Are you sleeping with other women?
Okay. Let's fuck. I like to say that word in this movie. Fuck.
I am Italian. My friends are Italian. Mira is pretending to be Italian. The point is, Spike Lee is making a movie WITHOUT a predominantly black cast.
That's right. This joint focuses on you dagos.
How does this subplot tie into the whole Son of Sam-serial killer plotline?
INT. MICHAEL'S APARTMENT
The dog is talking! That's not supposed to be funny, but I feel compelled to laugh. HA HA HA HA!!!
Shut up! Stop laughing! This part is supposed to be DARK and DISTURBING like the rest of the movie.
I'm dead sexy.
I hear, and I obey.
EXT. THE STREETS OF NEW YORK CITY
Michael walks up to a lady and blows her head off. Michael walks up to a couple in a car and blows their heads off. Michael walks up to a young woman and blows her head off.
INT. ADRIEN BRODY'S GARAGE APARTMENT
Why won't you have sex with me?
Because I...am Italian.
So am I!
I know you are, but Spike wants to make sure the audience knows. By the way, the whole subplot involving my turn as a male prostitute completely goes along with the whole Son of Sam- serial killer plot.
You bet your sweet Italian ass it does.
INT. NEW YORK SEX CLUB
Oh baby, oh baby, yes, yes.
You are awful in bed. I am going to sleep around with every female cast member...even the ones that are way too old, like Bebe Neuwirth and Patti LuPone.
Here, a shot of my breasts.
Spike, what does the whole husband- cheating-on-the-wife have to do with the serial killer plot?
Mmmm-hmmm, sister. Screw the MPAA! I'll show them. I'll show them all!
EXT. NEW YORK STREETS
Michael Badalucco is getting into his car. The police stop him for no reason.
Are you the serial killer?
Yes. Arrest me.
EXT. ADRIEN'S GARAGE APARTMENT
After the audience has assumed that Adrien is homosexual, he and Jennifer Esposito go at it.
Adrien, we think you're the Son of Sam. Come out and let us beat the crap out of you.
John and his ITALIAN friends proceed to brutally kick the shit out of Adrien.
I think I'll end the movie right...HERE!