So, this time of year is always a really boring time for movies. All of the brainless action movies are being held off until summertime, and all of the pretentious oscar-grabbers came out months ago. Basically the studios just stand around with their dicks in their hands for the next few months, and that makes me bored.

So I’m trying something new. Suggest a movie for me to watch and abridge (or just abridge if I’ve seen it). Just leave a comment on this post making a suggestion for what’s next.

The way I plan for this to work is: I’ll read all of your comments and pick movies from them that I think would be good candidates for abridgement. Then I’ll make a poll on the sidebar and visitors can pick one of the movies from the list, and then I’ll, like, write down what happens in screenplay format with fart jokes.

Here are some guidelines:

• Don’t suggest Doomsday or 10,00 B.C. Doomsday is the next script anyway, and 10,000 B.C. is one I want to abridge if I ever get around to it. Also don’t suggest Harry Potter 7 or whatever it is, since I already committed to doing that one months ago.
• Don’t suggest totally random movies that you and your stupid friends rented while high that one time. If I’ve never even heard of the movie, I’ll filter it right out before it goes into the poll.
• Don’t suggest amazing movies that would be impossible to abridge because they lack flaws. Like don’t suggest Citizen Kane and then be surprised when I call you an asshat.
• Similarly, don’t suggest movies that are so mind-blowingly stupid that I’d have virtually nothing to say about them. Like, what am I gonna say about Batman and Robin? That movie mocks itself.

If I don’t put your suggestion in the poll, don’t whine about it, it probably violated one of those guidelines above or one of the hundreds of internal guidelines I have in my head and decided not to share.

Update: Holy shit, I got a lot of responses to this. Alright, finish making your suggestions by end of day Sunday. I’ll put the poll up by Monday.

Updatier Update: Alright, poll is up. Comments are closed. Thanks for participating, everyone.

Updatiest Update: Looks like Cloverfield and Juno both did extremely well in the poll. I guess I’ll just do them both. Thanks for playing, everyone.