STIR OF ECHOES
The Abridged Script
INT. A PARTY
KEVIN BACON, KATHRYN ERBE, and the very-nice-and- certainly-not-at-all-suspicious neighbors are enjoying a party.
I am a witch or a psychic or some shit. Let me hypnotize you.
Ha! I do not believe in this, but I certainly will by the end of this scene. Do your worst, Warwick.
She hypnotizes BACON, who freaks out.
You pussy. Ha ha. I thought it was very funny when she stuck the pin in your arm and you only bled out of one side! How did you do that? That's some talent you have there, Bacon!
BACON continues freaking out and goes home to ignore his son, COLE.
INT. BACON'S HOME
I see dead people. Right, Samantha?
We need a babysitter.
Maybe you should call Debbie.
Good suggestion, I'll wonder how the fuck you got that name, but later.
INT. LATER AT NIGHT - BEFORE ANOTHER PARTY
We're leaving, make sure my son doesn't see any more dead people. Call Bruce Willis if you need to.
Bruce Willis...he's in "The Whole Nine Yards" with Rosanna Arquette, who was in "Hope Floats" with Sandra Bullock, who was in "Speed 2" with Jason Patric, who was in "Sleepers" with Kevin Bacon! Four degrees of Kevin Bacon!
Samantha says she can get it in two. Bruce was in "The Player" with Robert Wagner, who was in "Wild Things" with my dad. Two degrees!
God I hate you people. And who the fuck is Samantha?
Samantha? My sister had that name..
They go another party and weird shit continues happening to BACON while DEBBIE freaks out about the name SAMANTHA, which could easily have nothing whatsoever to do with her sister of the same name, but she's apparently a little nuts and plus she needs to advance the story.
INT. ANOTHER PARTY OF SOME KIND
Hey, you ever hear of some girl named Samantha? Got kidnapped or some shit.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
KEVIN DUNN'S SON
I DO NOT KNOW THE GIRL, OKAY!? LEAVE ME ALONE! AIEEEEEE!
I wonder if anyone in this "decent" town has something to do with the girl being kidnapped. And I really wonder if it involves the only other two families in the town that have any actual lines.
INT. KEVIN BACON'S HOME
Samantha says to dig.
I've noticed. I've also noticed that Samantha desperately wants me to purchase high-quality Minute Maid Orange-Flavored Juice Drink. Minute Maid, the beverage of choice for a new generation of recievers.
Ahhh. Now that's refreshing supernatuality!
By the way, I talked to some cop about your powers, I'm going to a meeting. See ya.
INT. DARK ALLEY
KATHRYN goes to a Recievers Anonymous Meeting or something, which I won't even go into here because it's so ridiculous-looking that it has to be seen, but trust me, it sucked.
INT. KEVIN BACON'S HOME
KEVIN is digging.
What the shit?
Digging for what?
I don't know, but it's sure not the dead body of the missing girl Samantha, heh heh.
Okay, I'm out of here.
Wait! I found the body! It all makes sense now! All of the fucked up scenes have now been tied together! How surprising, the dead body of the kidnapped girl is here and she has been telling my kid what to do in order to give closure to her life so that she can move on to a higher plane!
This is nothing whatsoever like Sixth Sense!
You've found me out. We buried her when our sons killed her.
Yes, we did that. Time to die, Kevin Bacon.
What a clever murder mystery...er, I mean.. supernatural thriller, yeah.
KEVIN DUNN shoots the LANDLORD before the LANDLORD shoots BACON.
Murder. Revenge. Coverups. God, what happened to this decent town?
I don't know, ask the film scribe.
SCRIBE/DIRECTOR DAVID KOEPP
Well, I ran out of supernatural stuff, so I decided to make some implausible murder story. I had cool editing though, eh?
Is Sixth Sense still playing?