Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Abridged Script
By: Rod Hilton on Aug 25th, 2008 | Movie Rating: 
Anakin pauses the fighting briefly to snack on his shoulderpad.
FADE IN:
EXT. SPACE
The movie begins. Instead of the traditional ‘STAR WARS’ logo disappearing into the distance, we see a modernized ‘CLONE WARS’ logo.
AUDIENCE
What …
Instead of the classic Star Wars theme, we hear a remix of the theme.
AUDIENCE
… The …
Instead of an opening text crawl, we are treated to a cheesy NARRATOR that sounds like the guy doing the propaganda ads for STARSHIP TROOPERS talking over overly stylized ANIMATION.
AUDIENCE
… Fuck?!?
JABBA THE HUTT’S UNCLE is an offensive homosexual stereotype.
AUDIENCE
FUCK THE SHIT RIGHT OUT OF THIS.
The AUDIENCE leaves to go watch THE DARK KNIGHT again.
END
Wow, thanks for this, I saved myself 4 bucks! (that’s what movie tickets cost here :D ) but most importantly nearly 2 hours of my life!
August 25th, 2008 at 10:04 amI think this was the only movie I have ever walked out of before it finished…
Script pretty much sums up why I left.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:05 amBad enough to not take my 6-year old nephew to? He has been driving me crazy about it…
August 25th, 2008 at 10:17 amlol, I always automatically click on the continue reading-button with new scripts. I was looking for it for like 5 minutes when I realized the entire script was before my eyes all this time already….
great script btw, you saved me money, Rod. thx again.
August 25th, 2008 at 11:01 amYou could’ve done the script from the trailer. Can’t believe anyone actually went to see this.
August 25th, 2008 at 11:23 amWow…that bad, eh?
August 25th, 2008 at 12:11 pmI thought it was specifically an offensive Truman Capote. I was surprised when one reviewer thought it was a southern black madame.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:25 pmReminds me of the Trade Federation in Phantom when no one could quite figure out who should be offended (”They can’t be Jewish AND Japanese stereotypes”).
This movie cracks me up. It’s like it was SO DIFFICULT for George Lucas to film his last few films entirely in front of a green screen that this time he went without them entirely. Except just like the last movies, the voice actors are terrible. The next movie he makes is going to be yet another retread of the series with computerized voices instead so that actors don’t have to do ANY work. I’m sure that will complete his “vision.”
August 25th, 2008 at 12:50 pmHA HA HA. The Dark Knight line was hilarious, especially since it’s the only movie I’ve watched in the last month. Four times too, dude. Everything else just looks like shit.
Nice work Rod. Keep it up.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:56 pmAwesome. Although, the remix of the theme was pretty badass.
August 25th, 2008 at 2:08 pm