Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Abridged Script
By: Rod Hilton on Aug 25th, 2008 | Movie Rating: 
Anakin pauses the fighting briefly to snack on his shoulderpad.
FADE IN:
EXT. SPACE
The movie begins. Instead of the traditional ‘STAR WARS’ logo disappearing into the distance, we see a modernized ‘CLONE WARS’ logo.
AUDIENCE
What …
Instead of the classic Star Wars theme, we hear a remix of the theme.
AUDIENCE
… The …
Instead of an opening text crawl, we are treated to a cheesy NARRATOR that sounds like the guy doing the propaganda ads for STARSHIP TROOPERS talking over overly stylized ANIMATION.
AUDIENCE
… Fuck?!?
JABBA THE HUTT’S UNCLE is an offensive homosexual stereotype.
AUDIENCE
FUCK THE SHIT RIGHT OUT OF THIS.
The AUDIENCE leaves to go watch THE DARK KNIGHT again.
END
Hey now!
It was not that bad! Remember that great bit where… erm…
I liked the pizza i had after it, does that count?
August 30th, 2008 at 7:05 amIs the remix of the star wars theme the one used in the second trailer? I actually like it, lol. Not the movie, the remixed theme. They should hav ehad Jay-Z in there too, “Yo,yo,yo star wars…”. Yeah, sarcasm in case no one notices.
August 31st, 2008 at 7:34 amHi, I´m a medical school student doubling as a ticket puncher in a local cinema during weekends. If anyone is curious, the total ammount of visitors for this movie ammounted last weekend (which was the first the movie was on here) to an astonishing total of…. *drums*… FOUR. Yes. Really.
I was already suspicious of this thing after the trailers, seeing it had worse graphics than modern PC games. On the other hand, one could only hope that, if they have discarded the actors, and have discarded the animators, they might have centered on the story (which is faulty logic; the logical conclusion would be that the storywriters have been discarded as well, as seems to be the case).
Oh well, cest la vie…
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:32 amWell, time to move on to Star Trek.
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:39 pmYeah it was the Gay Hutt that made everyone “fuck the shit right outta this!”
September 8th, 2008 at 8:22 pmLike a caller on Jim Rome said,George Lucas needs to officially hang up his lightsaber.
September 9th, 2008 at 2:39 pmRon, strong with the mirth you are :)
September 15th, 2008 at 4:40 pmyeeeeah, i made it about 20 minutes in. And I so wanted to like it, but no, it was awful. terrible. it was the first time i could every accuse an animated movie of being filled with horrible acting.
September 27th, 2008 at 10:37 amWoa! Now I Don’t need to see this movie (Not that I was planning to anyways…)
September 29th, 2008 at 9:34 pmThe best thing I heard about this movie was a friend telling me that she went with her boyfriend just to maintain their nerdiness, but it came down to them making fun of all the fanpeople who were dressing up and other creepy shit. Oh and btw, they didn’t like the movie either ;P
October 17th, 2008 at 7:57 pm