Saving Private Ryan: The Abridged Script
By Rod | Jul 24th, 1998 |
28 Comments
| Movie: 
FADE IN:
EXT. A GRAVEYARD – DAY
An OLD MAN stands in front a grave, among the hundreds of them in the graveyard. He begins crying in a moment sure to manipulate the audience into crying.
EXT. BEACH – DAY
Hundreds upon hundreds of SOLDIERS storm onto the beach. Evil GERMANS are waiting, shooting at them all. All of them DIE. The few who don’t die happen to be TOM HANKS and his MISFIT CREW of soldiers who will help him.
TOM HANKS
There goes half of the extras.
Bombs and explosives are going off, and limbs are flying across the screen.
DIRECTOR STEVEN SPIELBERG
War is hell.
SENILE WAR VETERANS IN AUDIENCE
Wow. This is realistic.
(crying)
I remember this so well. All of that mayhem..
GEN-X MEMBERS OF AUDIENCE
I thought this movie was supposed to be really violent.
INT. SOME OFFICE – DAY
GENERAL
We need to save Private Ryan.
EXT. FIELDS – DAY
TOM HANKS and his CREW have been assigned to saving Private Ryan. They walk through a field. Suddenly, EVIL GERMANS ambush them.
EVIL GERMANS
Har har! We are Germans and we are faceless and extremely evil villains! Just like in Schindler’s List and Indiana Jones.
DIRECTOR STEVEN SPIELBERG
I do NOT have issues, damn it.
A battle ensues, in which limbs fly across the screen and blood covers every piece of matter available. All of the EVIL GERMANS die, and one member of HANK’S CREW dies. He is the character played by the least famous actor in the crew.
DIRECTOR STEVEN SPIELBERG
War is hell.
EXT. SOMEWHERE ELSE – DAY
The above scene repeats itself in various locations until only a few members of the CREW remain or until FAKE BLOOD gets a new tax placed on it.
DIRECTOR STEVEN SPIELBERG
War is hell!
EXT. A BRIDGE – DAY
TOM HANKS
We are looking for Private Ryan.
MATT DAMON
I am him.
TOM HANKS
Your brothers are dead. You can go home.
MATT DAMON
Despite being totally crushed by the deaths of three of my family members, I will stay here and fight this battle, as I owe it to my country.
(looking at camera)
I am an American. And I OWE THIS TO MY COUNTRY!
TOM HANKS
Then I shall help you fight.
TOM HANKS and what’s left of his CREW plus DAMON and the crew he is with all fight more EVIL GERMANS, who are more heavily armed. Everyone is KILLED, except for MATT DAMON.
DIRECTOR STEVEN SPIELBERG
War is hell.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY
OLD MAN, who, by process of elimination, is MATT DAMON, begins crying some more.
OLD MAN
(looking at camera)
I hope I have been a good man. For, you see, all of those people died to protect me.
(looking directly at you)
PEOPLE WENT TO WAR AND DIED TO PROTECT ME AND MY FREEDOM!
DIRECTOR STEVEN SPIELBERG
In case you stupider audience members don’t get it, a lot of people died for your freedom, and this is what they had to go through, and you REALLY owe them.
The OLD MAN solutes the grave. It is very SURPRISING and NOT CLICHE. Another LIMB flies across the screen.
END
ha ha! limbs
July 6th, 2007 at 3:50 pmI loved it… extremely jaded, cynical and misses the point of the movie completely with the attempt to be overly-snotty and oh-so witty. Yet, I laughed my balls off. Really, they’re in a cup now, I don’t know what to do with them.
Thanks, Rod, you’re one funny Fock.
August 15th, 2007 at 7:41 amI wonder if John could enlighten us on what exactly the point of the movie is that this script “missed completely” … aren’t “war is hell” and “people died to protect your freedom” the primary points concerned?
November 5th, 2007 at 5:40 amRod, love the script, especially the comments regarding Spielberg’s obvious deep-rooted issues with the Germans. This is just a friendly proofread, but in the final paragraph of the script, the word “solutes” rather than “salutes” makes it seem a little like the old man is dissolving the grave in acid. Amazing script otherwise… isn’t it just easier to feel patriotic when a director is crapping flags all over you?
November 28th, 2007 at 10:29 amGreat work. Loved the par about the evil, faceless germans. Anyone who thinks that german soldiers were really like that is a naive fool, dumbed down by propaganda.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:10 amIf they weren’t the human embodiment of pure evil then why did they kill people then, huh?
June 21st, 2008 at 5:36 pmWhat about the scene when they find the first (and wrong) Private Ryan, who promptly blubbers all over Mayday Malone while a battle-weary and filthy Norm, Cliff, Frazier, and Woody look on in disgust?
June 30th, 2008 at 3:45 amDIRECTOR STEVEN SPIELBERG
I do NOT have issues, damn it.
July 4th, 2008 at 7:57 pmGerard: Actually, a good part of the German army itself weren’t nazi’s, but simply scared. Some Nazi’s even, didn’t necessarily believe in killing the Jews, but were also either scared or, well, mindless sheep. And from there, the majority, actually, of the axis millitary didn’t believe in Hitler’s motivations, but for the most part were prisoners. Were many of these people perhaps cowards, or even selfish? Yes and yes, but then most human beings are. They certainly weren’t evil. The small portion that were Nazi’s and did believe in Hitler were quite the bastards, however.
July 5th, 2008 at 4:57 pm@Scott: I agree completely.
Em…anyone want to point out the pointless plot of the movie?
General 1
Let’s rescue one guy, sacrificing many others.
General 2
Why?
General 1
Let me read you a letter from Abe Lincoln that tells you about a mother that lost all her children fighting in the civil war.
General 2
That doesn’t explain anything
Steven Spielberg
That’s enough for me AND should do for the audience! Bring the limbs and fake blood!!
I liked the movie though.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:09 pmAmazing, a great script!!!
October 4th, 2008 at 6:33 pmvery good. I laughed. I lifed.
October 21st, 2008 at 10:32 pmIcarin Says:
Em…anyone want to point out the pointless plot of the movie?
Yeah, doesn’t make much sense from a movie point of view, but it is (closely) based on a true story.
December 19th, 2008 at 10:56 pm@Gerard: so what keeps the americans or the rest of the allies (or anyone else in world war 2 or any conflict for that matter) from being the pure embodiment of evil if all that is required is that they “kill people”?
January 27th, 2009 at 6:38 pm95% were just regular guys. conscripted to fight 4 their country. It was only the government and certain organisations like the SA and SS that were evil. The only reason why the Nazis even took control was because they took advantage of the Great Depression in Germany which was emphasised because of the Treaty of Versailles (created by the allies) which took away the majority of their agricultural and industrial potential. There was heaps of unemployment, and Hitler promised to restore full employment and regain the lost territory. He made them feel good after a horrific decade. Cant blame them. Coulda happened 2 anyone.
March 4th, 2009 at 3:00 amYou guys realize Gerard was joking, right?
August 23rd, 2009 at 9:19 amBut I do think there is a fair share done in making some of the German soldiers look human. In the scene near the end of the D-Day sequence, where three German soldiers surrender, two American soldiers just shoot them, and they laugh about it. Or where three of them were in a trench and as they got up to surrender one of them was shot.
November 18th, 2009 at 10:47 pmFor the most part, I loved this. However, I have to disagree with the evil Germans part. Yes, it's true that the majority of the Germans were not Nazis. However you have to take into account the point of view that the story is being told from. From the perspective of American soldiers, the Germans were the bad guys.
And there are parts of the story (such as with the German POW) that do not treat the Germans as evil.
November 28th, 2009 at 5:11 amShould've added the part where the Jewish soldier (after they take the beach) points out how he's a Jew to the German soldiers. Americans had JUST gotten into the war, and the death camps would have not been known to the soldiers by then.
December 14th, 2009 at 7:34 pmI think the Fake Private Ryan scene deserved a nod.
FAKE PRIVATE RYAN is CAPTAIN MAL from FIREFLY, which is AWESOME.
January 17th, 2010 at 9:14 amYeah. We did TOTAL TWO ENTIRE COUNTRIES after a pair of commerce buildings were destroyed, didn't me?
April 7th, 2010 at 1:55 pmRight you are Fergo. That's the cold fact of the matter.
May 3rd, 2010 at 4:09 pmPerhaps because they were soldiers at war. Just maybe.
May 11th, 2010 at 7:14 pmYeah, those brave concentration camp guards, saving the world from Jewish folk.
July 31st, 2010 at 11:29 pmIn war whoever wins writes history in their favor, if german won WWII you can bet all the history in your text book might have a whole different point of view.
August 2nd, 2010 at 2:29 pmlol Diskothek, good observation!
August 15th, 2010 at 4:38 amCalm down, buttercup. Rod makes fun of ALL movies. It's just what he does.
If you'd bother to look at the actual RATING he gave the movie, you'd see he actually gave it five stars.
But you got one thing right: He IS funny as fuck.
August 15th, 2010 at 5:11 pmim not trying to fall into stereotypes… but read about almost any SS division and you will realize there were real Nazis and they were evil motherfuckers, whether they had faces or not… i dont know
August 22nd, 2010 at 11:28 pm