The Passion of the Christ: The Abridged Script
FADE IN:
EXT. CHAPTER 26
Then cometh JESUS with them unto a place called GETHSEMANE.
JESUS
Sit ye here, while I go and pray yonder.
And he took with him PETER and the two sons of ZEBEDEE, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy.
JESUS
My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.
And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed.
JESUS
O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.
And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep.
JESUS
What, could ye not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
He went away again the second time, and prayed.
JESUS
O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.
And he came and found them asleep again: for their eyes were heavy. And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words. Then cometh he to his disciples.
JESUS
Sleep on now, and take your rest: behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going: behold, he is at hand that doth betray me.
And while he yet spake, lo, JUDAS, one of the twelve, came, and with him a great multitude with swords and staves, from the chief priests and elders of the people. Now he that betrayed him gave them a sign, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is he: hold him fast. And forthwith he came to JESUS.
JUDAS
(kissing him)
Hail, Master.
JESUS
Friend, wherefore art thou come?
Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus, and took him. And, behold, one of them which were with JESUS stretched out his hand, and drew his sword, and struck a servant of the high priest’s, and smote off his ear.
JESUS
Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword. Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then shall the scriptures be fulfilled, that thus it must be?
In that same hour said JESUS to the multitudes…
JESUS (V.O.)
Are ye come out as against a thief with swords and staves for to take me? I sat daily with you teaching in the temple, and ye laid no hold on me.
But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples forsook him, and fled. And they that had laid hold on Jesus led him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled. But Peter followed him afar off unto the high priest’s palace, and went in, and sat with the servants, to see the end.
Now the chief priests, and elders, and all the council, sought false witness against Jesus, to put him to death;
But found none: yea, though many false witnesses came, yet found they none. At the last came two false witnesses,
FALSE WITNESSES
This fellow said, I am able to destroy the temple of God, and to build it in three days.
And the high priest arose
HIGH PRIEST
Answerest thou nothing? what is it which these witness against thee?
But Jesus held his peace. And the high priest answered.
HIGH PRIEST
I adjure thee by the living God, that thou tell us whether thou be the Christ, the Son of God.
JESUS
Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.
HIGH PRIEST
(renting his clothes)
He hath spoken blasphemy; what further need have we of witnesses? behold, now ye have heard his blasphemy. What think ye?
EVERYONE ELSE
He is guilty of death.
Then did they spit in his face, and buffeted him; and others smote him with the palms of their hands,
EVERYONE ELSE
Prophesy unto us, thou Christ, Who is he that smote thee?
Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him
DAMSEL
Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee.
But he denied before them all
PETER
I know not what thou sayest.
And when he was gone out into the porch, another maid saw him
MAID
This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth.
PETER
I do not know the man.
And after a while came unto him they that stood by
THEY THAT STOOD BY
Surely thou also art one of them; for thy speech bewrayeth thee.
PETER
(cursing and swearing)
I know not the man.
COCK
Crow.
And Peter remembered the word of Jesus
JESUS (V.O.)
Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.
And he went out, and wept bitterly.
EXT. CHAPTER 27
When the morning was come, all the chief priests and elders of the people took counsel against Jesus to put him to death: And when they had bound him, they led him away, and delivered him to Pontius Pilate the governor. Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders,
JUDAS
I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood.
PRIESTS
What is that to us? see thou to that.
And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself. And the chief priests took the silver pieces
PRIESTS
It is not lawful for to put them into the treasury, because it is the price of blood.
And they took counsel, and bought with them the potter’s field, to bury strangers in. Wherefore that field was called, The field of blood, unto this day.
Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremy the prophet..
JEREMY THE PROPHET (V.O.)
And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the price of him that was valued, whom they of the children of Israel did value; And gave them for the potter’s field, as the Lord appointed me.
And Jesus stood before the governor.
PONTIUS PILATE
Art thou the King of the Jews?
JESUS
Thou sayest.
And when he was accused of the chief priests and elders, he answered nothing.
PONTIUS PILATE
Hearest thou not how many things they witness against thee?
And he answered him to never a word; insomuch that the governor marvelled greatly. Now at that feast the governor was wont to release unto the people a prisoner, whom they would. And they had then a notable prisoner, called Barabbas.
PONTIUS PILATE
(unto the people)
Whom will ye that I release unto you? Barabbas, or Jesus which is called Christ?
For he knew that for envy they had delivered him. When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him,
PILATE’S WIFE
Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him.
But the chief priests and elders persuaded the multitude that they should ask Barabbas, and destroy Jesus.
PONTIUS PILATE
Whether of the twain will ye that I release unto you?
THE PEOPLE
Barabbas!
PONTIUS PILATE
What shall I do then with Jesus which is called Christ?
THE PEOPLE
Let him be crucified.
PONTIUS PILATE
Why, what evil hath he done?
THE PEOPLE
Let him be crucified!
When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude.
PONTIUS PILATE
I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it.
THE PEOPLE
His blood be on us, and on our children.
Then released he Barabbas unto them: and when he had scourged Jesus, he delivered him to be crucified. Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the common hall, and gathered unto him the whole band of soldiers. And they stripped him, and put on him a scarlet robe. And when they had platted a crown of thorns, they put it upon his head, and a reed in his right hand: and they bowed the knee before him, and mocked him
SOLDIERS
Hail, King of the Jews!
And they spit upon him, and took the reed, and smote him on the head. And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him. And as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name: him they compelled to bear his cross. And when they were come unto a place called Golgotha, that is to say, a place of a skull, They gave him vinegar to drink mingled with gall: and when he had tasted thereof, he would not drink. And they crucified him, and parted his garments, casting lots: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots. And sitting down they watched him there; And set up over his head his accusation written, THIS IS JESUS THE KING OF THE JEWS.
Then were there two thieves crucified with him, one on the right hand, and another on the left. And they that passed by reviled him, wagging their heads
THIEVES
Thou that destroyest the temple, and buildest it in three days, save thyself. If thou be the Son of God, come down from the cross.
CHIEF PRIESTS
He saved others; himself he cannot save. If he be the King of Israel, let him now come down from the cross, and we will believe him. He trusted in God; let him deliver him now, if he will have him: for he said, I am the Son of God.
The thieves also, which were crucified with him, cast the same in his teeth. Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth hour.
JESUS
My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
SPECTATORS
This man calleth for Elias.
And straightway one of them ran, and took a spunge, and filled it with vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink.
THE REST
Let us see whether Elias will come to save him.
Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost. And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent; And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.
Now when the centurion, and they that were with him, watching Jesus, saw the earthquake, and those things that were done, they feared greatly.
CENTURION
Truly this was the Son of God.
The AUDIENCE sat in silenced awe for a moment, and when they spoke, they sayeth unto each other,
AUDIENCE
Jesus Christ, how could a movie that claims to be about love and hope be so entirely devoid of anything Jesus actually said, content merely to show us violent images in a pathetic attempt to make us confuse guilt with inspiration?
END





Wow, your take on Passion of the Christ is so much better than the South Park episode, “The Passion of the Jew”.
January 10th, 2008 at 7:05 pmI said I’d read this, given the day that it is (easter sunday).
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:29 amI was so worried that when I read this you were going to be bashing Christianity and the sacrifice made, but this was good. You didn’t bash that at all, just that the maker of the movie liked the violence, which is true.
March 30th, 2008 at 3:11 pmI was worried that you were going to be making fun of the sacrifice the great Zombie Jesus made for us and therefore make this article entertaining, but alas, you didn’t.
April 19th, 2008 at 6:56 pmGenius. Pure genius.
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:35 pmThis was pretty weak. Not so much a parody of the movie as it is a parody of the language of the King James Bible. (because as we all know, all Bibles talk funny)
This site has kept me in stitches lately, but this one was just a bore to get through. I didn’t even finish it.
April 26th, 2008 at 7:32 pmI guess you missed the punchline then, didn’t you?
April 27th, 2008 at 2:50 pm“Moreover, how could a movie that claims to be about love and hope be so entirely devoid of anything Jesus actually said, content merely to show us violent images…”
Hmm, what was the movie called? The Life and Times of Jesus Christ?
May 1st, 2008 at 3:42 pmNO. It was called The Passion. The Passion is about the last days and death of Christ. And that’s exactly what you saw.
The Passion of the Christ: Watch Jesus Get the Shit Kicked Out of Him For Near Three Hours (Pausing Briefly To Make Fun of Chairs)
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:00 amCan’t evenbe bothered reading through that lol I give up *snore*
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:10 amAfter reading most of the above comments, I don’t think anyone got what actually was done here. This is the ACTUAL text from the applicable chapters of the bible, put into screenplay format (which the exception of the end). That’s it. It’s not a parody. The content itself is not supposed to be funny. I’d say the point he was making is that the screenplay was an uninteresting retelling of the events of the applicable chapters, and did little else. I agree wholeheartedly, as I did with the Southpark criticism. The last paragraph is spot on, and exactly what I thought after watching it.
July 11th, 2008 at 9:40 amBenjamin:
Holy crap, I didn’t think anyone ever got the ‘joke’ here. You hit it spot on, that was EXACTLY the point.
July 11th, 2008 at 10:09 amThat was incredible.
July 11th, 2008 at 7:58 pm“don’t think anyone got what actually was done here. This is the ACTUAL text from the applicable chapters of the bible, put into screenplay format”
Seriously? I got to “let this cup pass from me” and thought “ah crap is this just going to be pages and pages of bible verses transcribed into screenplay format?” and skipped to the last paragraph. I assumed the bible verses matched the plot of the movie, but couldn’t be bothered reading any further to find out.
September 13th, 2008 at 3:42 pmIt’s too bad more people didn’t get the joke here. Then again, it’s far different from the type of commentary usually found on this site, so that might have had something to do with it. I realized what you were doing pretty quick, but I also went to Catholic School, so I’m probably more familiar with the Bible than some of the people who didn’t catch on.
November 21st, 2008 at 2:57 pmWell since I’m one of the laziest Christians around and I got the joke (although I really did think there was going to be a bit of Mel Gibson bashing in there) then surely others more learned than I would’ve gotten it, although I must say (even though I’ve been complaining about it in my mind every time I hear story at Easter time in church) how, just HOW could the prophets have known all this shit was going to happen EXACTLY as the books say. There is no way in hell that they can know that much like 800 years before the events occur, that is the only thing that always ticks me off when it comes to bible stories about Jesus.
November 26th, 2008 at 8:53 pmYou can take out the word "movie" and insert "religion" in the audience dialogue. That's beautiful, sir. Very well done.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:44 pmAces: I may be a little slow today, but was that a joke?
September 4th, 2009 at 9:01 pmwell put, persian princess.
September 6th, 2009 at 7:32 am