"I keep her close so she can't record any more 'Hole' albums."


"I keep her close so she can't record any more 'Hole' albums."

MAN ON THE MOON

The Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. COMEDY CLUB

JIM CARREY

I am Jim Carrey doing an impersonation of Andy Kaufman doing an impersonation of Foreign Man doing an impersonation of Elvis.

DANNY DEVITO

I am very impressed, Jim. I'd like to be your agent.

JIM CARREYMAN

Cool, when can I start pissing people off?

AUDIENCE

Awwww, that's so sweet.

JIM stops performing for an audience and is merely talking to another human. Despite this, the impersonation of a frog-like, bug-eyed ANDY KAUFMAN continues for some reason.

DANNY DEVITO

I have you a job on Taxi. It looks like a great show with a spectacular cast including Christopher Lloyd and Danny DeVit..er..uh..nevermind.

SUDDENLY, a performance or event from ANDY KAUFMAN'S life is re-created in the movie. The AUDIENCE finds it INTERESTING, even though the REAL THING is available for viewing on COMEDY CENTRAL during the ANDY KAUFMAN BIOGRAPHY every five hours.

INT. FRIDAYS SET

NORM MCDONALD comes in as MICHAEL RICHARDS.

NORM MCDONALD

Whores! Giant wet and sloppy dead hookers!

JIM KAUFMAN

I can't play stoned. Sorry.

NORM and CAROLINE RHEA are embarassed. It is then revealed that JIM was playing a joke on them but many studio people were in on it.

NORM MCDONALD

Well, I feel like an ass, but Jim only made a jerk of me and some other actors, not the studio execs. I guess its alright, then.

JIM then plays a joke on the studio execs and makes a fool of everyone but himself.

Despite basically being a complete ass, JIM gains sympathy with the AUDIENCE because he has big innocent eyes, which happen to be very BUGGED OUT at the moment.

INT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS

Other appearances of KAUFMAN are abridged, condensed, cut- up, and displayed for the AUDIENCE, who has seen the full versions on various television shows before.

AUDIENCE

This is great, but I'm not really gaining any insight into Andy Kaufman's life. I'm just seeing his performances.. I expect a biopic to let me know more about the man behind the characters.

DIRECTOR MILOS FOREMAN

Well, what if I did this...

COURTNEY LOVE

Jim, there is NO REAL YOU.

JIMMY KAUFMAN

You're right, I seem to be losing myself in my various characters so that I no longer even know who I am.

DIRECTOR MILOS FOREMAN

Eh? Eh? How was that?

JAMDY KAUFMAN

It is reflective upon my personality that I feel a need to provoke my audience. It seems to make me content to have everyone hate me rather than ignore me. This is obviously some kind of major issue I have with attention and it will ultimately be what leaves me isolated and alone in my tragically ironic death. Truly these facts would not only make an interesting case study, but at the very least a heartwarming tale about a sad man who single-handedly revolutionized the way many people look at comedy and inspired hundreds of contemporary comics in ways that are not even imaginable.

MILOS FOREMAN decides to skip the implications of these facts and instead display more surface-level, non-thought- provoking performances by ANDY.

ANDY performs, angers people, and DIES. Ironically.

ANDY KAUFMAN

Ah! Notice the needlessly ambiguous ending! Perhaps I am still alive! Perhaps this is all a dream! Who knows?

AUDIENCE

(indifferent)

Yeah, yeah, I'm really confused and crap now, just how you would want me to be. Whatever.

END

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