Despite your archive of humourous abridged scipts, americans clearly don't get british made films, hence the feeble attempt at lock stock. i'd say it was a nice try... i guess the thought was there i suppose...

This was so lame, it took me 15 minutes to stop laughing :D

I'm american and I thought lock stock was great. don't see how anyone could give it a half star.

How many Americans are there? 300 million? More? I think it's actually more. Either way, it's in the hundreds of millions, which makes this:

"Despite your archive of humourous abridged scipts, americans clearly don’t get british made films, hence the feeble attempt at lock stock."

one of the stupidest things I've ever read.

Gee, I wonder if that means all Brits are morons...

This doesn't match your other scripts in any way whatsoever.
Not only did you give one of the greatest films of the last decade (just!) a ridiculously low rating, but you also failed to give it the clever satirical deconstruction that you even bothered giving to Catwoman.
I'll just put this down as your day off.

to reply to Matt P, there are 295 million Americans, not more than 300. there are 60 million Brits. so how the hell does the population of these two countries serve your point? its rather true that Americans dont get British films or British humour or British culture, mainly because MOST (but not all) Americans are too mentally lazy to "get" anything that comes from outside of America - they would rather make fun of it instead, i.e., with the stereotype that all Brits either a) say 'cor blimey guvnor' and live in the East End and work down mines or b) are extremely wealthy and evil and speak like the Queen and say 'golly gosh' and hunt foxes and drink tea. Since these stereotypes only apply to about 1% of real-life Britain, but 99% of British characters in American films, it goes to show, that you are a tool.

Yanks - his point was that it is irresponsible and inaccurate to make broad generalizations about an entire country, as there will always be differences of opinion among 304.5 million people (see http://www.census.gov/population/www/popclockus.html). Broad generalizations like: "Americans dont [sic] get British films or British humour [sic - just kidding] or British culture."

Seriously? You do understand that a huge portion of American culture is either adapted or taken directly from British culture, right? If you'd like me to provide you examples of British musicians, authors, actors, films, or TV shows which have been very successful here, I'd be happy to oblige. Any of those lists would be too long to fit in this post window.

I hope you can understand why Americans can be frustrated when they're accused of being xenophobic or ignorant. It often seems that many Europeans have misconceptions about Americans that are as inaccurate and uninformed as the opinions they accuse Americans of having.

Just to try and settle this debate:

I never saw this movie. I rented it, watched 2 minutes of it, got bored, and went and did something else. I was 17.

And to specifically address this 'british humor' comment: I WRITE FOR A BRITISH MAGAZINE.

All of you can sod off.

Actually, as a brit, and having seen the whole movie, I think you still pretty much summed it up Rod.

Danni's right, if I can recall correctly I think in the end everyone dies trying to keep the old shotgun and I think the gun falls in the Thames or something like that (incidentally they all die from being SHOT by the other characters so they can get some quid for the gun) also, I'm Canadian so I've got that nice mix of American, Canadian, British and every other ethnic group mixed into my brain so I somehow get humour from every culture including Britain (I don't know why it matters, maybe to keep the generalization that American's are tools doesn't scope out to being North Americans, which includes Canada, are tools and don't get this shit)

This movie is awesome
Great story telling
but this script was still funny

lock stock is teh best, and yu guyz is lolz. americans do not get british humour, because they are not sophisticated and the majority havent got a clue that a world exsists (culturly) outside america. rofl lol pwn'd.

I have it with you damn British. You`ve had it too good for too long. I think Manifest Destiny dictates that we must reclaim half of the British mainland in the name of the Queen of America. You want to stop us Britian, bring it on!

I love the movie and I love the abridged script.

This is definitely the best script on here.

I disagree with the rating entirely, but the script sums it up wonderfully.

Thank you. My friend went on and on about how awesome this movie was and how I just HAD to see it and this script pretty much sums up exactly what I got out of it. Two hours later I seriously couldn't remember what it was about.

*sods off*

Great bolshy yarblockos.

Take it easy guys, I don't doubt for a second that this writer enjoyed the balls off this movie but it doesn't make this abridged script any less hilarious!

This is a great film. You should try watching all of it now Rod. Every rating you've given out is pretty much bang on apart from this one.

Tom hit it on the head. Still, Rod..half a star? Maybe I'm just a Guy Ritchie groupie something about british cuss words just makes my nipples hard.

I agree with your post, especially that those Europeans making broad generalizations about Americans (ex. Americans are ill informed about my country and it's peoples, and they perpetuate stereotypes about them.) are many times guilty of the same ignorance and prejudice they themselves are complaining about. We're aware there are ignorant and sometimes stupid people living in our country, just as I'm certain there are in Europe and it's many countries. But before you cast stones, make sure your not living in a glass house.

This screenplay was labeled a short so that's understandable, but half a star!? I think the line (IIRC)
"I ordered a drink, not a fucking rainforest. You could fall in love with an orangutan in there!"
should earn any movie one star, at the very least.

I believe his population estimate was fairly accurate, and did serve his point. All we're asking is that you don't judge our entire population based of the opinions or beliefs of the (if some statistics are to be believed) one fifth of us who can't even find our own country on a map, let alone a foreign country. Or Hollywood for that matter, because that's hardly "MOST" of us. However if your population estimate is accurate then that would make their numbers roughly the entire population of Britain. Perhaps that's why it seems like most of us to the Brits?

You just made my brain leak onto my shoulder a little. Well done.

He was giving the quickie half not the movie

maybe you need to watch it again, 2 yrs later and realise how awesome it is.

Two minutes? I'm guessing you don't give a shit about professionalism then.