Anette's Vampirella halloween costume is a little uninspired.


Anette's Vampirella halloween costume is a little uninspired.

IN DREAMS

The Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. SOME BUILDING

Water flows through every crevice of the building. We are told via text prologue that a flood occurred and destroyed the town.

AUDIENCE

Oh fuck. I walked into Hard Rain.

Most of the audience members run out screaming. The remaining ones endure what turns out to be In Dreams.

INT. ANNETTE BENING'S HOUSE

ANNETTE wakes up from a nightmare, scared.

ADIAN QUINN

I am concerned. Please notice that I am concerned right now.

ADIAN attempts to have sex with ANNETTE, but she starts dreaming about death and stuff. She bites ADIAN'S PENIS off.

ADIAN QUINN

AIEEE! God dammit! Your dreams are pissing me off!

ANNETTE BENING

Huh?

(pause)

Oh, right, yes, I bit your penis off reacting to my dream. Heh heh.

A hand grabs her from offscreen or a character suddenly appears, accompanied with a stinger, reminding the AUDIENCE that this "thriller" is actually a juvenile horror flick.

INT. ANNETTE'S DREAM

ANNETTE dreams of some weird shit. It is CREEPY.

INT. ANNETTE BENING'S HOUSE

ANNETTE BENING

Holy shit, that was fucking weird.

She is LOCKED UP in a NUTHOUSE.

ANNETTE BENING

No! I am not insane! I can prove it! Someone interview me and I'll say things that clearly make me sound insane and then I will laugh at them which also looks insane! That will convince you!

PSYCHOLOGIST

I will have such an interview. So what's going on here?

ANNETTE BENING

This guy named Vivian is abducting girls and I can see into his mind and see what is happening because he is sending me his dreams while I sleep or have sex and it allows me to predict stuff that's going to happen, except I can only predict it after it happens. For example, my daughter died yesterday. I'm telling you now, I saw it all happen. Weird, huh?

ANNETTE is sedated. Her husband is killed.

A KILLER WHO IS CERTAINLY NOT ROBERT DOWNEY JR, I SWEAR TO GOD

Hello Annette. I am going to help you escape. You will pass by people exactly when I did when I escaped, and you will even get a ride from a cop just like I did when I escaped.

That happens. It is CREEPY. Or STUPID.

We see how the BOY WHO CERTAINLY DOES NOT GROW UP TO BE ROBERT DOWNEY JR, REALLY, HONEST escaped. He is hit on by a policeman.

AUDIENCE

What the hell?

He comes on to the little boy, who doesn't really look like a girl and certainly doesn't look older than 12. The policeman makes some sleazy remark about his legs.

AUDIENCE

What the fucking hell?

Meanwhile, ANNETTE goes to the hideout of the killer.

The killer, his face concealed, walks up to ANNETTE and gets into the car. He turns toward the camera.

It's ROBERT DOWNEY JR! This is surprising, because it's not like his name was featured on the posters, trailers, or credits.

ANNETTE BENING

I knew you were here. I always knew.

ROBERT DOWNEY JR.

I was inside you. With it all, through it all. Then came me.

ANNETTE BENING

I saw the light within the dark and ate from the tree of death before discovering the whiskey branch.

ROBERT DOWNEY JR.

Um.. I..er.. Uh.. I turned a backwards salt on my corridor of wound. My grating noise doth see the winds of pain through a shadow of souls.

ANNETTE BENING

Look, bitch. I am the master of nonsensical lines, don't fuck with me.

ROBERT DOWNEY JR.

No way! I'm the weird one! You're stealing my glory! Die!

ROBERT kills her.

ANNETTE'S DEAD DAUGHTER

Join me, mommy. Come with me to the light place.

AUDIENCE

What the motherfucking hell?

ANNETTE'S DEAD DAUGHTER

Come on, mommy. I miss you.

ANNETTE BENING

Ok, dear. Here I come.

She starts to join her daughter.

ADIAN QUINN

Hello honey.

ANNETTE BENING

Er, wait, lemme rethink this.

INT. JAIL CELL

ROBERT enters, sentenced to life.

ROBERT DOWNEY JR.

Wow, this looks familiar.

He is haunted by ANNETTE, who now controls the supernatural forces of CHEESY SPECIAL EFFECTS.

AUDIENCE

What the cocksucking motherfucking hell was all of that shit?

(pause)

And why do I really feel like eating an apple right now?

END

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