I Love You, Man: The Abridged Script
By Rod | Apr 23rd, 2009 |
61 Comments
| Movie: 
Jason Segel points out audience members that think they are watching an Apatow movie.
FADE IN:
EXT. LOS ANGELES
PAUL RUDD proposes to his girlfriend, KAREN FILIPELLI.
KAREN FILIPELLI
I’m so excited to marry you, Blandy McNobody! Who is going to be your best man?
PAUL RUDD
Oh no, I don’t have any really good male friends, so I have no best man! What a humorously relatable situation! I’ll go ask my brother, Andy Samberg, for advice!
KAREN FILIPELLI
Wait, you have a brother?
PAUL RUDD
Yeah. He’s gay, which is funny.
KAREN FILIPELLI
Why not just make him your best man?
PAUL RUDD
Oh. Er, right. That was easy. I guess the movie’s over.
KAREN FILIPELLI
Guess so.
JASON SEGEL
Am I the new Will Ferrell yet?
END
Yes, this is funny, and a fair assessment of the movie’s fundamental plot flaw, despite their attempts to skirt it (“Well, we barely know each other, we’re [x] years apart.”)
That said, I would’ve probably preferred to read your take on the rest of the movie. You’re consistently funny, it would’ve been a more entertaining read. Not that you owe me(us) anything.
April 23rd, 2009 at 2:00 pmHey Rod:
I love you, man.
Funny, but Paul Rudd is funny as shit and I’d rather hang out with Jason Segal than Will Farrell any day. Not that either has asked.
April 23rd, 2009 at 2:25 pmRush kicks ass.
Even if this movie served no purpose other than to give Rush fanboys a screaming orgasm in the theater, I would be okay with that.
I mean, Rush is never in Hollywood movies. I’ll take it.
Oh, and I was so excited to be first that I spelled my own name wrong in my other comment.
April 23rd, 2009 at 2:31 pm*Falls off chair at the unspeakable sight of an unannounced abridged script*
*Gets back on chair*
*Falls off again when abridged script turns out to be a short one*
*Bursts in hysteric, maniacal laughter, when reading the “twist” of the film*
Thanks, Rod. I wasn’t planning to see this one, but it seems it was even worse than advertised.
April 23rd, 2009 at 2:53 pmHa! Perfect.
April 23rd, 2009 at 3:37 pmAwww… once again I was looking forward to another comedy dissection (XXXX does XXXX. This is Funny). Too bad it is too short.
SaintAndy, make your own opinions you tool. Just because Rod didn’t like the movie doesn’t mean you won’t. Christ man, do you have to have someone tell you when food is good?
April 23rd, 2009 at 3:40 pmNo On A Boat joke? Inconceivable!
April 23rd, 2009 at 3:40 pm2 reviews in a week? keep up this pace.
April 23rd, 2009 at 4:18 pm>_>
I enjoyed I Love You, Man
April 23rd, 2009 at 4:59 pmYeah, Rod himself actually gave it three stars, so that’s not bad.
I loved it. I laughed my ass off in between the awesome Rush fanboy moments.
It was ambling and sloppy and hilarious, like Forgetting Sarah Marshall was.
And for what it’s worth, I think it’s also squarely aimed at my demographic, too: thirtysomethings whose ability to go hang out has been somewhat compromised by wife or serious girlfriend, plus career, plus kids. (There’s just not much time left over.)
Watching Paul Rudd be awkward was golden. I totally disagree that he’s bland. Between 40-Year-Old Virgin (not getting over his ex) and Knocked Up (taking mushrooms in Vegas), I just don’t see bland.
I…think I love him. Wow…
April 23rd, 2009 at 6:05 pmDoc Savage Says:
“SaintAndy, make your own opinions you tool. Just because Rod didn’t like the movie doesn’t mean you won’t. Christ man, do you have to have someone tell you when food is good?”
So, tell me, do you feel better, now that you have insulted people on the internet? And I’m perfectly capable of thinking for myself, hence the whole “I wasn’t planning on seeing this” …I could tell just from the trailer and its emphasis on fart and poop jokes that this was not a film I wanted to see.
I’ll never understand the appeal of such comedies ..I must be in the wrong demographic ..but, then again, I didn’t find fart jokes funny when I was a kid, either.
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:00 pmWait a minute, Andy, fart jokes are awesome!
Just kidding. I like that you give a damn and are pretty thoughtful and positive with your comments. (I’m not coming on to you, I promise.)
My take is that this kind of comedy’s actually pretty deep because it is fairly real and true to life.
There is some gross-out humor, but it’s not Farelly-Brothers-type stupidity, if you’re down on that kind comedy.
(Spoiler alert!) For example, Paul Rudd projectile vomits on Jon Favreau in the movie, but the context is that he’s trying to be one of the guys and drinking too much at their poker night, and he’s not used to it.
He’s trying so hard to make new guy friends that he doesn’t see that these guys are colossal pricks and he has nothing in common with them.
Favreau gets so shitty that you want someone to smack him, so the vomiting is like Rocky knocking out (fill in the blank).
Somehow it comes off as real, satisfying, and horrifying all at the same time. Not like Ben Stiller wrestling a stuffed dog, which was funny just because it was ridiculous.
And the rest of it is just relateable as the awkwardness of trying to make new friends outside of your comfort zone, and how it can be even more awkward when you find someone that you like and want to act natural around, but you end up saying something dumb and unnatural.
I swear I’ve been there lately, meeting other dads at birthday parties and such. It’s truly weird.
But to each his own. I’m just a big fan. Plus I’m still reeling at all the Rush that was in it.
I realized each of my comments is longer than the abridged script, so I’ll either cut back or shut up entirely. Sorry, anyone still reading.
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:55 pmRush was a pleasant surprise. I heard Geddy Lee was in the movie but not the whole band.
April 23rd, 2009 at 10:23 pmHoney, did you just say “in a jif”?
I don’t know why I said that!
You smell like a burger. I don’t like you anymore.
Congratulations, you’re stupid in three languages.
I ever tell you that you have the body of a 20 year old? Feel free to take advantage.
That’s why they call it rape.
April 24th, 2009 at 2:29 amThank you Sean C. What he said, and more. You got to lock down that tongue, girl.
@ Mark G.: they go to a show and air guitar/air bass/air drum to each other the whole time and practically ignore the fiancee who comes along. So true to life, unfortunately.
April 24th, 2009 at 3:19 amDamn, you couldn’t even name Rashida Jones??? was that really that hard to just call her Rashida Jones??? That’s Quincy Jones’ daughter right there.
April 24th, 2009 at 6:40 amRashida Jones was Paul Rudd’s fiancee, not Karen Filipelli. If you are going to make fun of a movie, at least get the actor’s names right.
April 24th, 2009 at 7:02 amPeople are so fucking stupid it blows my mind.
April 24th, 2009 at 7:58 amRod,
April 24th, 2009 at 8:07 amI got the reference. Your scripts are awesome – keep up the great work! I love scanning the comments for people that dont get it. It’s like having bonus jokes.
Dude,
Although I don’t always agree with your ratings of movies, (I’m not quite as full blown of a cynic as you are) it amazes me how many people want to comment and tell you you’re wrong. I’ve been around long enough to know how you handle that sort of situation. People are idiotic. Someone who spends as much time as you do finding out people’s proper names, if it’s wrong it has to be on purpose. That being said, google Karen Filipelli if you’re still uncertain who that is.
April 24th, 2009 at 8:33 amRod, the main character’s real name wasn’t even Paul Rudd. That’s an actor. C’mon, if you’re going to make fun of a movie at least get the character’s name right.
April 24th, 2009 at 9:36 amZach doesn’t watch The Office. (Harvey Firestein voice:) Is that so wrooooong?
I meant to mention how awesome that was, by the way. I hated Rashida at first because she was coming between my Jim and Pam. (Now THAT is really stupid, I will admit.)
April 24th, 2009 at 11:56 amPaul Rudd’s character wasn’t called Blandy McNobody. His name was Peter Klaven. Man, if you’re goint to make fun of a movie at least argle varkil fuckle a quewroiu.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:57 amRod, do Koyaaniquatsi next.
April 24th, 2009 at 1:03 pmHaha, I enjoyed this movie a lot, but really this script is spot on..I kind of thought the same thing, but got into the movie and just forgot about it.
But yeah man, that’s Ms. Jones..Come on.
April 24th, 2009 at 3:03 pmWow Zach, you are really really fucking dumb if you don’t understand why he referred to her as Karen. It reminds me of kanye west not getting the fishsticks joke
April 24th, 2009 at 5:58 pmIt’s short. It’s elegant. It gets funnier each time your mind returns to it. It’s more memorable than the actual movie.
This is right up there with the guy who came up with that sparkling vampires joke.
April 24th, 2009 at 7:05 pmMichael Westen: I did see the movie, I was just saying I was surprised to see all of Rush when I heard it would only be Geddy Lee.
April 25th, 2009 at 9:59 am@Mark G: Sorry about that.
I hadn’t heard a thing about any of Rush being in it, so I was totally caught off guard.
I will say that the last-minute “surprise show” didn’t sound like a Rush thing. I guess that kind of shit happens in LA. I’m in Atlanta, so while they do tour here, they don’t just “drop by” very often.
April 25th, 2009 at 12:50 pmI have unfortunately not seen Rush live yet. I do plan to, however. I will say though, you shouldn’t miss Nine Inch Nails if you like his music. This upcoming tour could be NIN’s last.
April 25th, 2009 at 8:18 pmSince the thread seems to have died out here, might as well make it a temporary Rush blog (sorry, Rod). Actually, this comment does connect up with the movie, although in a pointlessly personal way that nobody will be interested in, but what the hell.
(By the way, been listening to NIN since college—back in the 20th century—but didn’t know Trent was thinking of hanging it up.)
Rush is still going strong. The latest album, Snakes and Arrows, is one of their best I think. Very rockin’ and heavy for the most part. First 2 tracks especially good.
They toured for the album the past two years. They did a world tour in ‘07 and it was so successful they did another world tour in ‘08, which blew my mind. It was amphitheaters not stadiums, but still.
In ‘07 I saw them in Atlanta and Charlotte. Because they’re getting older and I figured Neil would get tired of touring soon, I then went to Milwaukee for what I thought might be my last chance to see them.
Then they came back in ‘08, so I sheepishly went and saw them in Atlanta again.
This actually connects to I Love You, Man, because my wife was supportive of me and my best friend driving from Atlanta to Milwaukee to see what I thought would be the last show. This movie resonated with me because of that, among other things.
And lastly, I too would love to have seen the full Rod treatment for the rest of the movie, but this was right up there with 8 Mile for the best of the short ones. And it was a bonus in the first place.
Rush, Rush, Rush. Rush.
I wonder if Zach has googled Karen Fillipelli yet.
April 25th, 2009 at 9:24 pmDoc Savage Said:
“Rod, do Koyaaniquatsi next”
Up until last week, I would have assumed you made that word up. However having just sufferred through Baraka for no good reason, I can tell you that a) there’s no way in HOLY HELL I’ll ever watch whatever-that-word-is, and b) I hate you for suggesting such a thing.
Good day, sir!
April 25th, 2009 at 11:30 pmYeah… let me point out, too, that I’ve never seen the US “Office”. Hence I had to Google Karen Filipelli…
Didn’t you make another reference like this in your Juno script, Rod, relating to Rainn Wilson?
Re: this script, well, it seems to prove you weren’t too keen on the film. But I’ll probably check it out sometime anyway.
I’m with Michael Westen as well. Rudd’s a talented actor.
April 26th, 2009 at 1:57 pmwhat the hell do iron man or juno have to do with this movie?
April 26th, 2009 at 8:21 pmI thought this movie was funny, but god dammit, why didn’t I realize that plot hole?
April 27th, 2009 at 2:20 amYou look really exotic. Was your father a GI?
April 27th, 2009 at 4:54 amWould you do Cloverfield next?
Oh. You’ve done that one already. Well, how about the Dark Knight?
Oh. You’ve done that one too. Well do mind if I just sit here and massage your thighs while you write the next one?
April 27th, 2009 at 5:41 pmDamn you, Sean C. I’ve been trying all day to come up with another Filipelli-related line, and I’m stumped. That one takes the cake.
I did like Kevin trying to quantify for Jim who was hotter, Karen or Pam.
@dude:
At first I thought Iron Man was related because of the comic book connection, as Lou Ferrigno was in this. But then Rod would have just used Hulk.
So now I think it’s because Robert Downey, Jr. is a recovering drug addict, and Jason Segel was on Freaks and Geeks, where he became a pothead.
Or Gwenyth Paltrow sang in the movie Duets, while Quincy Jones is Rashida’s dad.
As for Juno, it has to be the J.K. Simmons connection.
Oh, and on a different subject…
Rush! Woooooo!
April 27th, 2009 at 5:46 pmAs soon as I hit the submit button a minute ago, it hit me:
The Iron Man connection is Jon Favreau.
April 27th, 2009 at 5:49 pmThis was a good comedy. My girlfriend and I were pleasantly surprised (and sometimes not so pleasantly, as with the projectile-vomiting sequence.) I hadn’t even heard about it until she pointed it out to me on Rotten Tomatoes, where it has an 81%. Not a lot of date/chick-flick/buddy comedies tackle the complications of friends and girlfriends and the delicate channels one must operate within to preserve relationships on both fronts without losing oneself in the drama. Nice, honest dialogue and a lot of charm. Apatow knows how to take cliche concepts and derive a refreshing twist on the formula. Doesn’t overdo it on the potty-humor either. Recommended.
April 28th, 2009 at 12:02 amLIFETIME BAN for SDOT and ZACH.
Seriously, guys? Really?
April 28th, 2009 at 5:21 pmSee what you’ve done, Rod? You have the power to turn your masses into an angry mob, and you pointed them right at anyone who doesn’t watch “The Office.” Some of your fans don’t even live in the US.
Seriously guys, are SDOT and ZACH really stupid because they haven’t seen “The Office?”
April 29th, 2009 at 11:16 amNah, not stupid, but I don’t think Rod takes too kindly to poorly-researched comments that take him to task for supposedly not doing his research, or that declare someone untouchable (especially when he’s not even making fun of her).
That being said, everyone should watch the U.S. Office on the internet, because it is awesome. Nearly as awesome as Rush.
(By the way, they should probably have read the FAQ section first, too.)
April 29th, 2009 at 2:38 pmIt doesn’t matter that they haven’t seen it, it matters that they were so eager to slam Rod for supposedly getting the lead actress wrong that they made themselves look like total dumbasses.
Did they REALLY think Rod would get the lead female in ANY movie wrong? He has on multiple occasions used an actor’s/actress’s most famous role as a substitution for their name to either comment on how typecast that actor is or on how their 15 minutes of fame, received via said role, is up.
Guys. Rod knows more about movies than you. If you think something is wrong, you are more than likely mistaken. If you think something is wrong, then hastily slam him, well, then you’re an idiot and should be rightfully exposed as such.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:33 pmSo uh… yeah.
Rush is pretty good.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:21 pmZach has MEAN MEAN PRIDE
todays tom soy
April 29th, 2009 at 11:53 pmI love tom soy with a little peanut sauce.
April 30th, 2009 at 5:45 amHey, you should do that Cloverfield movie next, teh funny12121!!!!!
But seriously, nice “abridged” abridged script here; enjoyed the movie, but the first thing I thought about 5 min into it was “Why doesn’t he just ask his brother and be done with it?”. Then again, the movie was hilarious, so we’d miss all the fun.
April 30th, 2009 at 8:20 pmWolverine will be the shortest script ever, based on the amount of plot holes that movie had.
May 1st, 2009 at 12:51 amMark G Says:
“Wolverine will be the shortest script ever, based on the amount of plot holes that movie had.”
God, I hope not. I want Rod to rip it to tiny little shreds, so that we, his devoted followers, may feast upon them.
But seriously, if there isn’t at least one little mention of the leaked workprint (like, for instance, that it’s better than the finished version), I’ll be disappointed ..at least until Terminator Salvation comes along.
On another note, I think it’s horrifying when even the temporary score from the workprint was better than the final release.
May 1st, 2009 at 9:00 amJason Segel will be doing a Wolverine musical next year. With puppets.
Let’s see Will Ferrell do THAT.
Seriously, though, Segel IS going to bring The Muppets back.
Which begs the question for me, would Rod rip a Muppet movie?
May 1st, 2009 at 6:17 pmWould YOU?
and for the record, I didn’t hate Wolverine, I just thought it could’ve been so much better. Wade Wilson was done perfectly, though.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:26 am@Mark G:
I could definitely never bring myself to rip the Muppets. (That was my childhood, man!) The only way I could see going after it is if it’s done really poorly or something.
Segal was on Jimmy Fallon’s show recently (only the second time I’ve bothered to watch Fallon, but that’s another thread), and they had the two guys from the Muppets who sit in the balcony and rip on everyone—and that was done pretty well, so we’ll see.
Besides, I leave the abridged scripts to Rod. I don’t have the gift for observation (screen name notwithstanding) that he does, that’s for sure.
Haven’t seen Wolverine yet, but I will next week. I like to see the movie before Rod tears it up, because that definitely enhances the abridged script experience for me.
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:37 amThis is off-topic, but I just wanted to say that Gangs of New York and The Toy are both on TV right now and it made me think of you, Rod.
May 3rd, 2009 at 12:14 pmOK, never mind Wolverine… You are going to do Star Trek, aren’t you? Right? Right? You simply cannot pass on the opportunity to make fun of Star Trek …it’s comedic gold, Rod…
May 4th, 2009 at 12:48 pmSaintAndy’s right, Rod. JJ Abrams’ Star Trek may well be my most anticipated film of the summer, but I would love to see you take it on.
Looking forward to Wolverine too; the film was no more than just “good”. Plenty to make fun of there.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:15 pmROD.
September 12th, 2009 at 9:45 pmThis might be the worst abridged script i've read on this site. Just keep sucking cock
That was really funny.
Although I did love, 'I Love You, Man."
October 9th, 2009 at 2:56 pmWell at least the movie enabled me to see the sexy jason segel. Otherwise it was pretty pathetic. Wild sex god-like, Paul Rudd had the mentality of a 14 yr old boy in the film.
October 16th, 2009 at 5:49 amHaha! Funneh. Paul Rudd's awkwardness FTW though.
And guys, I live in like.. Sri Lanka and don't even watch The Office and still know who Karen Filipelli is. :|
Your site's got a huge fanbase here in Colombo, SL, Rod. We've also unfortunately got a huge fanbase for TWILIGHT (urgghh. why?!) so kudos to your reviews on that series, those are my favourites!
December 26th, 2009 at 2:09 amPeople are stupid because they expect you to get the name of the actress, not the character she played one time, as you do for everybody else?
You're just a genius, aren't you?
Oh, and since you probably didn't get it, that was sarcasm.
August 1st, 2010 at 4:22 pm