Show this image to a friend within seven days or you will die.


Show this image to a friend within seven days or you will die.

GOOBY

The Very Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. CANADA

EUGENE LEVY

Hi everyone, I'm here to do my character from "Splash" except as a school principal.

INGRID KAVELAARS

(looks at script)

Eugene, I... oh my God, we need to...

GOOBY ENTERS.

EUGENE LEVY

WHAT IS HAPPENING

INGRID KAVELAARS

THE MAW HAS OPENED, IT DEVOURS US

ROBBIE COLTRANE

OH GOD HOW DID I GET HERE, I WAS JUST IN A RECORDING BOOTH IN BRITAIN AND NOW PINHEAD IS RAPING ME IN A LAKE OF BOILING URINE

DEREK SCOTT

OH FUCK I AM DOOMED TO SPEND ETERNITY AS A PEDOFURRY

EUGENE LEVY

(prostate being ripped out through nostrils)

BUT WHAT OF THE CHILD, GOD PLEASE SAVE HIM

MAW OF DESPAIR

OH DAMNED ONES, AGONY AND TORMENT ARE YOUR GODS NOW, BUT HELL SHALL SHOW THE CHILD MERCY WHERE YOU DID NOT

DEREK SCOTT

OH SWEET JESUS THE SUIT DOES NOT COME OFF AND NOW MY ACTUAL SKIN HAS TRANSFORMED INTO ANOTHER GOOBY SUIT BENEATH IT, MY EYES ARE UNSEEING PLASTIC SPHERES, MY TEETH HAVE BECOME AS BLOOD

INGRID KAVELAARS

(entrails boiling through pores of her skin)

ROBBIE COLTRANE

(face collapsing into giant sphincter that expels all internal organs)

MAW OF OBLIVION

ALL YE WHO READ THIS, YOUR SOULS ARE FORFEIT

WITHOUT END

WITHOUT END

WITHOUT END

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