The Abridged Script
INT. MENTAL INSTITUTION THAT IS NOTHING AT ALL LIKE THAT OTHER ONE IN ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST.....NOT AT ALL....NO WAY.
I'm depressed and waiflike. I took a bottle of asprin because I had a headache, so obviously I do not belong in a mental institution.
She quivers her lip.
Of course you do. We do not have someone with a borderline disorder who writes and works as an objective observer, and without one, how else can we expect to assemble the normal rag-tag group of insane people that is the prerequisite for a movie with mental institutions? I mean, you couldn't possibly think that a mental institution would EVER think to put people together who have THE SAME disorders so as to provide some sort of HEALTHY and SUPPORTIVE environment, do you? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! Now, take your laxative.
AAAAAAAAAAAHH! I am crazy! I am the free spirit! I will inspire all of you! HA HA HA HA HA! Give me an Oscar! And a valium!
Hey, this sounds sort of familiar.....
I am going to spend the entire time here writing in this notebook which will obviously be involved in the cliched scene in which the people I have written about find the book and get pissed.
She quivers her lip again. THE AUDIENCE begins to CONNECT with WINONA'S LIP, but then ANGELINA does SOMETHING off the WALL and UNPREDICTABLE, and CRAZY.
C'mon, girls! Let's go run off and do something to challenge the authority of the mysterious head of this hospital!
Hey, wait a minute.......
ANGELINA and WINONA get into a semi-lesbian love/hate relationship. Then they get in trouble and ANGELINA is taken away and beaten senseless for making PUSHING TIN.
OH NO! Where is Jack Nic...I mean Angelina? She dispalys her incredible acting ability by abstaining from quivering her lip but instead emitting a sharp intake of breath.
They took her away so she couldn't inspire you inmates...I mean, patients. Oh, and by the way, one of your fellow inma....I mean patients killed herself when her real vulnerability was discovered. Now, take your laxatives.
AUDIENCE MEMBERS BORN BEFORE 1975
I think I've seen all this somewhere before....
ANGELINA comes back having been lobotomized. WINONA is so distressed that she turns into a LARGE NATIVE AMERICAN MAN and smothers ANGELINA with a pillow. Then she turns reflective. Her lip quivers.
YOUNGER AUDIENCE MEMBERS
Wow, what an original movie! I have never heard of any single movie having any of those plot points or characters or anything else! How creative!
FILM CRITICS IN AUDIENCE
Hey, wait a minute! You copied this entire film from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. There wasn't a thing different about this stupid movie. How can that be CREATIVE?
Wait! But, in this one....we're girls!
So as to emphasize, she quivers her lip and sharply intakes her breath at the same time. AUDIENCE is convinced and emotionally overwhelmed, and are immediately compelled to take a laxative.