"I will shoot you dead before I let you take my fuck-ugly corpse-beige sofa from me."


"I will shoot you dead before I let you take my fuck-ugly corpse-beige sofa from me."

EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

The Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. EWAN MACGREGORS ISOLATED HOME

EWAN MACGREGOR

I am terribly isolated.

(pause)

I'm only doing this artsy-ish movie so I don't get typecast as Obi-Wan.

Some weird shit happens in which EWAN talks to his lost daughter who has the same name as Ashley Judd, who he is in love with but she doesn't let guys in because of some shit that happened with her father and then she falls in love with a blind guy and points out the symbolism of it and then more weird-ass shit happens which becomes just a bunch of psychological bull and doesn't make any sense.

DIRECTOR STEPHAN ELLIOT

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

(pause)

For example, if you're on crack, this movie is beautiful.

JASON PRIESTLY

Speaking of crack..

JASON appears in an awkward add-on role. He shoots various drugs and is killed by EWAN.

ASHLEY JUDD

I love you. Or perhaps I merely depend on you for some psychological reason.

EWAN MACGREGOR

I stalk you to put a woman in my life as I have lost all of mine.

ASHLEY JUDD

This is pretty fucked up shit. I'm hot, though, at least.

EWAN MACGREGOR

(whips out his lightsaber)

I shall make your blind guy slain!

EWAN kills the blind guy.

INT. FILM STUDIO

EDITOR SUE BLAINEY

Oh no! Someone has taken the rolls of film and sliced at them randomly with scissors!

She panics and places the scenes back together in no particular order.

END

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