FADE IN:

INT. CASTLE THING

JOSEPH FIENNES

Hey! Go see Shakespeare in Love! I'm the star in THAT period piece.

AUDIENCE

(silence)

...

CATE BLANCHETT

Is anyone out there? Hello? I have really good costumes!

We hear CRICKET SOUNDS.

SHEKHAR KAPUR

What the hell is this? Hello? This is a really good movie! Is there even anyone in the audience?

AUDIENCE

...

CATE BLANCHETT

What the fucking hell? Well, someone had to see it! The Academy, perhaps?

THE ACADEMY

Uh... yeah... we're watching.

THE ACADEMY quietly sneaks out to see SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE.

SHEKHAR KAPUR

Fuck! Damn it all!

END