The Abridged Script
INT. A ROOM
It's dark. It's a cube. Some guy gets sliced to bits by a large egg slicer.
Hey, that was pretty cool! This film kicks ass!
There are hatches on each side of the cube. Six people appear in the room from different sides.
How did we all get here? Where are we? Who are you?
I'm the token nerd who sloves everything.
Don't worry. I'm a master escape artist, but I'm gonna die in a minute.
I'm more annoying that Jar Jar Binks. Hate me. Please.
Ok, we need to get out of here. But those rooms are booby trapped. How do we get past them?
Use your boots. And eat your buttons. For some reason this will keep you alive.
I'm really smart. But you won't find this out for about an hour, and I'll get us out quite quickly then. For now I'll just make noises and hit myself in the head.
The cast members pick a hatch and move to a new room.
Hang on, I know how to get out! These numbers are prime numbers. Any room with prime numbers is safe!
How the fuck did she figure that out so quickly? Why are we watching this? This movie sucks now.
Ok, now it's time to tell you I can get us out of here, cause I'm actually Stephen Hawking. It's not prime numbers, it's the prime of prime numbers that means the rooms are safe. A super computer takes about 3 years to do one calcualting, but I can do them in 3 seconds in my head. Give me sweets.
Why the hell did ordinary prime numbers work then?
I'm gonna kill you all!
He kills some people, including the DOCTOR. The audience cheers.
By the way, I built this thing. Lets leave.
They figure out the rooms revolve. This is supposed to be CLEVER. They eventually make it to the last room, but only the DISABLED GUY leaves.
I built this thing, and to get lots of sympathy from the AUDIENCE, I'm gonna stay in here until I die as punishment.
Me too. Lets kill the COP.