Enjoy your new nightmares, everyone.


Enjoy your new nightmares, everyone.

BRING IT ON

The Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUM!!

KIRSTEN DUNST and VARIOUS HOT FEMALES are cheering!!

KIRSTEN DUNST

Hi! I'm Kirsten Dunst! My character name, Torrence, sounds a helluva lot like the name of our team, Toros, which leads to, like, a lot of TOTALLY confusing lines of dialog sometimes! Go Toros!

SUPER-THIN ASIAN GIRL

I look constantly pissed off. Ew, like, look at her shoes. What a skank.

WHITE BITCHY DUMB BLONDE

I'd look pissed off too if I wasn't busy looking super dumb!!

BITCHY RED-HEAD

I'm the biggest cliche, er, bitch of you all! I'm leaving though, and I am deciding that Kirsten Dunst shall be my sucessor! Bye!

KIRSTEN DUNST

I hope I can lead our team to victory!

They do another cheer, which a group of cheerleaders had to ACTUALLY LEARN for one scene in the movie.

KIRSTEN DUNST

We need a new cheerleader. Let's have a comical scene where people who are horrendously unqualified or in some way comic.

ELIZA DUSHKU

I am edgy and dark. Pick me, you shit- eating bitches.

KIRSTEN DUNST

I like her.

JESSE BRADFORD

I am Eliza's brother. I am also a fringe sort of fellow. It makes a lot of sense that I'd fall for a cheerleader, because in real life it's not like someone like me would loathe everything someone like her stands for.

ELIZA joins the squad. They CHEER. And then they CHEER some more. ELIZA'S hair becomes straight and she smiles more.

ELIZA DUSHKU

Hooray! I'm becoming just like all of you! Conformity is super-nifty mega- keen! Gimme a C! Gimme an O! Gimme an N! Gimme--

BLACK STEREOTYPE TEENAGERS

Hey! You stole that from us! We shall attack you with our powers of SASS!!!

The BLACK STEREOTYPE TEENAGERS SASS the hell out of the WHITE TEENAGERS.

KIRSTEN DUNST

Oh no! We must train hard to beat them, let us hire a comical coreographer!

THE DUDE FROM UCB

I am such an exaggerated, absurd character, I must be funny! I take cheerleading very seriously! This is funny!

KIRSTEN DUNST

Wait, I take cheerleading seriously too but it's not funny, it's a major plot point and the device by which people feel sympathy for my superficial character.

ELIZA DUSHKU

Yeah. I'm the only one who thought cheerleading was stupid but now I've conformed. Excuse me while I go graze in the pastures now.

AUDIENCE

This is an interesting point.. why should we give a shit about any of you?

Quickly, loud music and an elaborate cheerleading dance number drown out the thoughts of the AUDIENCE!

Then they CHEER more. Then they FAIL. Then they CHEER. Then they FAIL. Then they succeed, but only after learning a VERY IMPORTANT LESSON ABOUT LIFE, which is that inner city schools fit every single stereotype you've heard of.

END

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