"Thank God we got to Katherine Heigl before she could make The Ugly Truth."


"Thank God we got to Katherine Heigl before she could make The Ugly Truth."

BRIDE OF CHUCKY

The Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. POLICE LOCK-UP - NIGHT

A POLICE OFFICER, who has "I WILL DIE" written on his forehead, slowly walks through a dark, police lock-up, as lightning flashes. We see JASON'S HOCKEY MASK locked up.

AUDIENCE

HAR! A pop-culture movie reference! HILARIOUS!!

We see FREDDY KRUGER'S GLOVE.

AUDIENCE

(wetting self)

YES! How clever!

The OFFICER opens a locker and takes out a bag labeled "PLOT DEVICE". He then scoots off to his car, gets in and leaves.

INT. A WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

The OFFICER opens the bag. SUDDENLY, he is grabbed from behind and smothered between two huge BREASTS. We zoom in on the BREASTS. Eventually, we discover they belong to JENNIFER TILLY, who takes the doll in the bag and runs off.

INT. JENNIFER TILLY'S.... HOME - NIGHT

She places the BRAD DOURIF doll in a pentagon and picks up her copy of "Voodoo For Dummies"

AUDIENCE

HAHA!! MORE POP CULTURE REFERENCES! HUMOROUS!

JENNIFER TILLY

Like, dumba um wa dembella, or something..

BRAD DOURIF comes to life!

BRAD DOURIF

Hey Jack, Chucky's back!

JENNIFER TILLY

CHARLES! Like, I missed you so much. I'm your girlfriend from before you died and I brought like you back so we could like have glorious sex. I know you're just a doll but I have like some extra plastic and I can sew you a..

BRAD DOURIF

Sex? I'm a doll, you motherfucking whore slut bitch piece of shit ass fuck cock pussy fuck testicle!

JENNIFER TILLY

(sobbing)

You don't love me!

JENNIFER locks BRAD in a playpen. She also gives him a bride doll to play with so that he can make her soul possess it and progress the "plot". He does this.

JENNIFER TILLY

(as a doll)

AHH!!! LIKE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?! TOTALLY.!?

BRAD DOURIF

Don't sweat it babe. You're a doll. Get it? You're a doll? HA HA HA HA AHHAA HAHHAHAHAHAAHAAH!!!!! Anyway, let's team up and hitch a ride with those two uninteresting protagonists and get to my dead body, so that we can inhabit humans.

JENNIFER TILLY

Ok.

They do so.

INT. CAR - DAY

KATHERINE HEIGL

I am so glad we are eloping to get away from my evil uncle, John Ritter.

NICK STABILE

I am also glad. Let's go to that service station and get out of the car for a while so the two dolls in the back seat can do zany, comical, and evil things.

They go to the service station and get some mountain dew and condoms.

JOHN RITTER

Har! I found you. Oh, you're not in the car. Damn.

JENNIFER and BRAD kill JOHN by putting multiple nails into his head.

AUDIENCE

HAR! Hellraiser reference! I just can't get enough!

Meanwhile, NICK and KATHERINE exit the service station just in time to see their friend, GORDON WOOLVETT, get hit by a truck. Upon doing so, every atom of his body separates from all others and makes as much mess as possible. NICK and KATHERINE get back in the car, only to find JENNIFER and BRAD having ludicrous doll sex.

BRAD DOURIF

Ack!

JENNIFER TILLY

Like, Dammit. Ok, you two, take us to the graveyard. Or something.

INT. GRAVEYARD - DAY

BRAD DOURIF

(pointing a gun at our two) bland protagonists)

Don't get stuck with the Chuck. Don't fuck with the Chuck. I'm feeling plucky, my name is Chucky. Can ya spare a buck.. to a guy named Chuck?

SUDDENLY, JENNIFER bashes BRAD with a shovel. The camera moves back to allow the midget actors to do the fight scene without looking more absurd than necessary. BRAD is thrown into his grave and can't get out. As he falls, he shoots JENNIFER in the SKULL.

NICK STABILE

I guess it's over then.

SUDDENLY, graves all over the place burst open and creatures spring forth.

KERMIT

It's not easy being green!! HA AHA HA HA AHA AHA HAHAHAHA HAHA!!!!!!!

THE M&M GUYS

I'll melt in your mouth, not in your hand. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

HOWDY DOODY

It's Howdy Doody time, mothafucka! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!

END

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