The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: The Abridged Script
By Rod | Feb 11th, 2009 |
64 Comments
| Movie: 
Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett plan the worst double date ever.
FADE IN:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NEW ORLEANS – 2005
CATE BLANCHETT IN GEEZER MAKEUP talks to her daughter, JULIA ORMOND.
CATE BLANCHETT (GEEZER)
My dear, I want you to ignore the storm outside that may or may not be Hurricane Katrina so I can tell you a wonderful story of fantastical whimsy. A story about a man who was born old and grew younger!
JULIA ORMOND
That does sound whimsical! I sure hope it doesn’t wind up devolving into a pointless self-important 3-hour mass of melodramatic sentimentality!
CATE BLANCHETT (GEEZER)
Oh. That’s unfortunate. Anyway, once upon a time, some guy made a clock that ran backwards.
JULIA ORMOND
What does that have to do with the “man born old and grows young” story?
CATE BLANCHETT (GEEZER)
The what? Look, I’m older than dirt now, I just ramble. Here, read from this diary.
JULIA reads from the diary of BRAD PITT. For some reason the diary includes details of his birth.
EXT. NEW ORLEANS – 1918
A woman gives birth to WHITE BABY YODA and her husband is repulsed. He drops the BABY off at an OLD FOLKS HOME where it is taken in by TARAJI P. HENSON.
TARAJI P. HENSON
This is one of God’s children, so I must take care of him.
MAHERSHALALHASHBAZ ALI
One of God’s freaky, hideous, unwanted children.
TARAJI P. HENSON
Now shush up you– holy shit is that really your name? Mahershalalhashbaz?
MAHERSHALALHASHBAZ ALI
Yeah. It’s from the Bible.
TARAJI P. HENSON
It looks like the writer of this Abridged Script tried to type something with his dick. Anyway, we’re going to take care of this child. The doctor says he shouldn’t live much longer since he has the body of an old man.
WHITE BABY YODA turns into BRAD PITT IN GEEZER MAKEUP.
BRAD PITT (GEEZER)
Momma, I think I may be getting younger instead of older. Either that or I’m turning into E.T.
TARAJI P. HENSON
Of course! That explains why I caught you masturbating to “The Golden Girls!”
BRAD PITT IN GEEZER MAKEUP eventually meets 7-YEAR-OLD CATE BLANCHETT. BRAD gives her a note asking “Do you like me? Circle Yes or No” and she circles “Yes!”
AUDIENCE
Er, am I seriously watching an 80-year-old man and a 7-year-old girl fall in love? I feel like I might go to jail just for buying a ticket to this shit.
CATE grows into a teenager while BRAD PITT grows into BRAD PITT CIRCA “OCEAN’S 24.”
BRAD PITT (OCEAN’S 24)
I’ve consulted the script for “Forrest Gump” and it looks like the next thing I need to do is work on a boat with a drunk captain and travel the world.
TARAJI P. HENSON
Okay. Remember, if you ever need to come home to the smell of death, this old folk’s home will always be here.
BRAD travels the world and meets TILDA SWINTON, the wife of an English diplomat.
TILDA SWINTON
Despite the fact that you’re starting to look like the crazy homeless guy at the bus stop, I find myself attracted to you. Let’s have an affair.
BRAD PITT (OCEAN’S 24)
Alright, but you’re not still seeing George Clooney, are you? That guy shot me in the face.
BRAD and TILDA have an affair, which eventually ends. BRAD decides to go to NEW YORK to find CATE BLANCHETT after he grows into BRAD PITT CIRCA “SLEEPERS 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO”
EXT. NEW YORK
BRAD finds CATE dancing in a Broadway ballet troupe.
BRAD PITT (SLEEPERS 2)
I love you Cate. Let’s get married!
CATE BLANCHETT
I can’t marry you!
BRAD PITT (SLEEPERS 2)
Because you’re still young and not done sowing your wild oats with the guys in your ballet troupe?
CATE BLANCHETT
What? No, these guys are in ballet, they’re gayer than Aquaman. Listen, I’m not going to marry Brad Fucking Pitt and get stuck driving him to prostate exams and shit. Let’s wait until you’re a bit younger.
(gets hit by car)
On second thought, now that my dancing career is destroyed I’d like to revise my prior statement.
They get married and BRAD PITT gets to stop wearing makeup for a few scenes.
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL – NEW ORLEANS – 2005
JULIA ORMOND
I’m sorry Mom, is this story going anywhere at all? I mean so far I could have literally skipped any part of this thing and it would have made no impact whatsoever. Is there a point to this?
CATE BLANCHETT (GEEZER)
Sure there is. Haven’t you ever heard a family-friendly comedian make a joke about how old people and babies both wear diapers and don’t know the people at their birthday parties?
JULIA ORMOND
Of course. It’s one of the lamest jokes in the world.
CATE BLANCHETT (GEEZER)
Well, imagine if that joke got turned into a super-serious 3-hour movie. Wouldn’t that be grand?
JULIA ORMOND
No, no it wouldn’t. Not at all. David Fincher has canceled out “Se7en.”
A TV NEWS STATION in the background mentions HURRICANE KATRINA just in case there are any MORONS in the AUDIENCE that haven’t figured out where the movie is going yet.
CUT TO:
EXT. NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA – 1960′S
BRAD PITT and CATE BLANCHETT celebrate the few scenes in which neither of them have to wear makeup by having sex. Eventually, they have a child and BRAD grows into BRAD PITT CIRCA “FIGHT CLUB”
BRAD PITT (FIGHT CLUB)
As a character in a movie written by Eric Roth, I have so far been able to avoid making any decisions of my own, as everyone around me has made the decisions for me. But now I have a real problem to tackle: how are we going to deal with the fact that our baby is going to have a father that she might run into at the prom?
CATE BLANCHETT
Truly a thought-provoking predicament. I suppose there are a number of ways that a well-written screenplay could tackle such a difficult–
BRAD PITT (FIGHT CLUB)
(riding away on motorcycle)
Buh-bye!
CATE BLANCHETT raises their daughter while BRAD grows into BRAD PITT CIRCA “THELMA AND LOUISE”. After a while, he returns, so young that his face is computer generated.
CGI BRAD PITT
I see that our daughter is growing up normally. And you seem to have remarried a generic male with no personality or lines, good work.
CATE BLANCHETT
Look at you. You look like you belong on the Disney channel. Why did you leave me?
CGI BRAD PITT
I saw your performance in the new Indiana Jones movie and I couldn’t look at you with a straight face anymore. I’m sorry.
CATE BLANCHETT
Fair enough. Why did you come back?
CGI BRAD PITT
I just came by to see how are you are doing. Since my brain is still getting older, I’m going to check into the old folk’s home and watch Jeopardy with the volume turned up all the way.
CATE BLANCHETT
Alright. I’ll come by from time to time to help you pop your pimples.
More time passes and CATE occasionally checks on BRAD at the OLD FOLK’S HOME.
DOCTOR
Ma’am, your grandson or whoever may look like he’s fourteen, but his mind shows signs of geezerism. We found this diary, which is apparently filled with writings despite the fact that he never wrote in it.
CATE talks to BRAD as a teenage boy.
TEENAGE BRAD PITT
It’s sweet that you keep checking in on me.
CATE BLANCHETT
Sweet nothing, you were born as tiny old man, I just want to see if you turn into a gigantic baby before you die.
TEENAGE BRAD PITT
That would be awesome.
Eventually BABY BRAD dies.
INT. HOSPITAL – NEW ORLEANS – 2005
JULIA ORMOND closes the diary and looks at up CATE IN GEEZER MAKEUP.
JULIA ORMOND
Wow, mom. You expect me to believe all this nonsense? This is ripped off from a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald, except he knew well enough to make it a farce instead of a serious drama.
CATE BLANCHETT (GEEZER)
No, it’s true, I swear.
JULIA ORMOND
Mom, if “Forrest Gump” and “Memento” gave birth to a giant wrinkled kid, it would be this movie. This is schmaltz, plain and simple. What was the point of all of this?
CATE BLANCHETT (GEEZER)
That time is precious?
JULIA ORMOND
And yet, this movie wasted three hours of it. Speaking of which, we’re almost at the 3-hour mark, so I guess it’s time to watch Director David Fincher shamefully exploit a national tragedy.
HURRICANE KATRINA hits. There are scenes of water rushing into buildings just to torture the audience members that managed to sit through the entire movie without a bathroom break.
END
Awesome Rod.
Still bummed we got no Spirit script though! That movie needed your own particular brand of evisceration.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:15 amplan the wost double date ever – think you missed an “r” there, Rod.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:28 amOcean’s 24!
February 11th, 2009 at 11:48 amHurry the hell up Hollywood!
“you were born as tiny old man, I just want to see if you turn into a gigantic baby before you die.”
Hahaha!! If only that had been the actual end of the movie – it would have substantially redeemed itself.
Great script.
February 11th, 2009 at 1:17 pmStill waiting for the next deus ex Harry Potter script
February 11th, 2009 at 2:08 pm‘Eah!
February 11th, 2009 at 2:09 pm“A woman gives birth to WHITE BABY YODA and her husband is repulsed. He drops the BABY off at an OLD FOLKS HOME where it is taken in by TARAJI P. HENSON.”
February 11th, 2009 at 5:01 pmBeautiful.
Just FYI: You “sow” wild oats, you don’t “sew” them. No needle and thread required to plant a metaphorical crop. ;^)
February 11th, 2009 at 6:09 pmWell done, Rod. You caught absurd details that I was too mind-numbed to grasp by the end of that film.
February 11th, 2009 at 6:26 pmI felt disturbed about the idea of an old man loving a little girl, too. Liked the movie though.
Buh-bye!
February 11th, 2009 at 8:08 pm“It looks like the writer of this Abridged Script tried to type something with his dick.”
This is the best line you’ve ever put in any of your scripts. This will never be topped.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:08 pm“David Fincher has cancelled out Se7en” = :( and untrue!!
But yeah, this is his worst film…
double :(
February 11th, 2009 at 10:22 pmThis movie was ALMOST as boring as Dead Poet Society. UGH.
February 11th, 2009 at 11:36 pmNicely done, Rod. Now I know I don’t need to see this.
Slumdog Millionaire next, perhaps? (Even though I liked it.)
February 12th, 2009 at 2:17 am“you were born as tiny old man, I just want to see if you turn into a gigantic baby before you die.”
I WAS actually wondering if that would happen as I watched the movie…
February 12th, 2009 at 8:57 amYeah! The “dick” line cracked me up. So it’s true! I actually DO like sophomoric humor! I’m so ashamed … NOT! ;)
February 12th, 2009 at 9:43 am“It looks like the writer of this Abridged Script tried to type something with his dick.”
Meta.
I suggest you take a slighty damp, not wet, washcloth and wipe that kieyboard a bit.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:30 amCATE BLANCHETT
Sweet nothing, you were born as tiny old man, I just want to see if you turn into a gigantic baby before you die.
TEENAGE BRAD PITT
That would be awesome.
Best part. Makes me want to watch it just to see if it actually happens.
February 12th, 2009 at 12:44 pmYou’re so damn funny, Rod. I check the site regularly for the next script. The wit reminds me so much of the great Mad magazine parodies from the 70’s. Benjamin Button bothered my brain for many of the reasons you point out, especially the geezer/child romance. I thought you might give one line to the screenwriter, though. If I may:
ERIC ROTH
I’ve consulted my script for “Forrest Gump” and it looks like the next thing I need to do is work in a boat with a drunk captain who travels the world.
February 12th, 2009 at 7:56 pmCool script Rod. My favourite bit though was at the end where you mention the Hurricane Katrina bit tortures those who went three hours without a toilet break.
It gave me a mental image of half the cinema pissing themselves in unison at that part lol
February 13th, 2009 at 7:15 amThe movie is still better than Zodiac.
February 13th, 2009 at 8:20 amWhat took you so long. I know you had site problems, but then you went up and did Australia? C’mon Rob. This movie was screaming for this treatment and nobody saw Australia anyway.
Let’s go Rob, lightning round. Tackle the ham fisted foreshadowing in Milk, the terrible daughter in The Wrestler. Something about Slumdog. Go, go, go. Do it.
February 13th, 2009 at 9:06 amRob, Rob, he’s our man–if he can’t do it, maybe Rod can?
February 13th, 2009 at 12:42 pmNice reference to Burn After Reading. Already looking forward to the next one.
February 13th, 2009 at 1:36 pmOf course! That explains why I caught you masturbating to “The Golden Girls!”Of course! That explains why I caught you masturbating to “The Golden Girls!”
Why do you do this.
February 14th, 2009 at 1:11 amFantastic script! It pinpoints most of the pretentious bullshit that was fed down our throats, under the pretext that it was art,and deep and profound, and life changing …and all that crap.
Can somebody please explain why all the critics are raving about this film? Granted, it’s well told, and the narrative flows easily (as in most Fincher films) and you are hooked and curious to see what happens next ..granted ..the actors do their best with what they have … but [b]what is the POINT[/b]? Where’s the higher significance, the deep meaning, the thing that should get you thinking once the film is over, and which would justify the 3 hours of unremarkable action, and cool CGI? By comparison, [b]Doubt[/b] gave you tons of food for thought ..there are so many issues that film (and, implicitly, the play it was based on) brings into question..
The only curious thing about [i]The Curious Case Of Ben Button[/i] is why everybody is so over enthusiastic about it … for God’s sake, there were more moral dilemmas and things to debate in [i]The Dark Knight[/i] …
I’m so tired of this glossy Hollywood crap, that passes for deep creation these days …Thank God for people like Rod, who can see through all the bullshit.
February 14th, 2009 at 1:12 pm“This is ripped off from a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald, except he knew well enough to make it a farce instead of a serious drama.”
Fuckin’…true…DAT.
What the hell, Fincher?
February 14th, 2009 at 11:05 pmSaintAndy:
You call the film “pretentious,” saying that the film left you with nothing to think about afterwards, i.e. it was intellectually devoid outside of the numerous strong points that you offer it (which apparently mean nothing if they don’t also tell you how to think), perhaps meaning it claimed to be intellectually stimulating BECAUSE of the strong points. I shrug, unless you are using “pretentious” like much, if not all, people using it mean: “I don’t know why I hate this movie, but I somehow FEEL that it is saying that I am stupid and it is smart.” In itself, it is a way to criticize without concrete evidence backing up the claims. So here are some!
The biggest and best example I can think of is that, as it applies to purely emotional reactions, the film is simply ineffective. Characters were convincingly justified throughout the story, but the movie fails to make a connection. Most of the blame I place squarely on the modern day framing device, something that is too abruptly introduced and is, honestly, a real drag whenever it interrupts the story. Making it worse is that I’m longing to return to what is at best a LESS BORING story but not an INTERESTING one. Shit just be… off, and off all over the place.
It’s not that the film is cliche, but that it fails at being a good cliche. Slumdog Millionaire, a film that is also rife with Hollywood cliches (and with less convincing characters than Benjamin Button), ends up a better film because it succeeds at making emotional connections. That and the dancing at the end is FUCKING RAD.
There are elements in Benjamin Button that are quite good, some that made me like the film a little more upon reflection. The prologue with the clock, the struck-by-lightning gag, his voyages at sea, the details of Blanchette’s leg breaking (though it made me wish I was watching A Very Long Engagement instead), and the only moment that did illicit an emotional reaction out of me, Pitt’s “Live a life that you are proud of” speech.
I would say that the movie does have a theme (or a “point”) but that it 1) takes too long to state it, and 2) does not properly exploit its concept; Benjamin Button could have lived the exact same life without aging backwards. It is essentially the life of a carefree loner, instead of what Fitzgerald’s short story was, a man truly out of synch with the rest of the world (which would have made for an amazing film had they kept that detail).
All in all, it’s disappointing and definately not the best film of the year. For Fincher, it maintains the beauty but lacks the rhythm of his previous films (pick any — yes, including Zodiac, fuck you all). If he wins an Oscar for it, good, he has deserved a useless award for awhile now. If not, I’ll be fine as long as Frost/Nixon doesn’t win.
February 15th, 2009 at 12:44 amSean C:
I don’t see the contradiction between appreciating the strong points of a film, such as good acting, or good narrative flow, and at the same time criticizing it for not being more than an entertaining story. That is why I call the film “pretentious” , because it poses in something more than it actually is, it overreaches and never fulfills the expectations of the viewer. (And who in their right mind would dislike a film for being intelligent, and making you think ..seriously ..the whole ““I don’t know why I hate this movie, but I somehow FEEL that it is saying that I am stupid and it is smart.”” is laughable …those are the sort of films ..and books&co we need, and we get Twilight and Dan Brown instead).
Furthermore, I certainly don’t need everything neatly explained to me, and laid out in perfect clearness. The fact that I included “Doubt” as an example should have made it clear that open endings are perhaps (and only if properly done, and sustained by the substance of the film) superior to the ordinary, closed ones.
Besides, reading your comment made me realized a lot clearer what Button could have been: an analysis of a man out of sync with the world (as you say) and, consequently, of all the modern themes of alienation,and solitude, and isolation …and it could have invited such train of thought from the viewers without being depressive or bleak as a film.
But what we got was a very glossy fairytale, with some good actors and some good CGI, even if the critics wouldn’t probably have loved it so much if it weren’t for the gimmick of the man aging backwards. Where’s the turmoil of the character? Where is his angst, his doubts …I mean, if I were in his place, I dare say I would ask myself a great deal more questions than Pitt’s character does …that’s one of the problems ..Button is content to be just a “carefree drifter” when he could have been so much more (symbolically ..and otherwise).
Finally, I agree with Rod that placing the story in the context of Katrina was unjustified ..and was just a way to blackmail the audience for an emotional response.
February 15th, 2009 at 6:21 amI did also want to deconstruct this dire excuse for worthy cinema (sprawling, aimless and pointless do not equate to epic)but it’s been done quite nicely just above.
February 15th, 2009 at 12:48 pmSo i’ll just ask how a movie can get all the way from screenplay, through shooting to post-production and release without anyone spotting that it contains a scene where, to the casual observer, a 70 year old man enters a pre-pubescent girl’s bedroom and says
“I’ve got something I want to show you, but you’ve got to keep it a secret.” ???
SaintAndy (sorry for the late reply, been sick):
Fair enough, and you’re right. I suppose I object to the use of ‘pretentious’ in any form, because I like discussing specific details, and I feel that any film only ever tries to be GOOD, and not to fool someone into liking it by various forms of cinematic trickery (which I just refer to as ‘tools’). Michael Bay’s films, for instance, look very pretty. It does not become a flaw if the rest of the film sucks (which they typically do), but it does not excuse the film for sucking either.
In reference to Benjamin Button’s look, that is Fincher’s style. Whether it looks gritty or just plain dark, it always looks beautiful. He didn’t change it for this film to hide the weak theme (<—speculation). In the end, I guess what I’m saying is that whatever flaws you find should be enough to condemn the film, and that debunking or completely ignoring the strong points is an unnecessary practice.
February 16th, 2009 at 11:44 pmI’m not sure that the acting was all that great. Maybe it was just a product of the screenplay but Brad was probably the least interesting lead character I’ve seen in a movie in years. He didn’t do anything and it seemed that his character didn’t offer any insights or wrinkles that you wouldn’t have assumed going into the movie. Maybe it’s best he didn’t go over the top and ruin it, but he didn’t do anything. It wasn’t minimal; there just wasn’t anything there.
February 17th, 2009 at 11:49 amAnd that’s not even getting into Cate’s work. I have no problem trashing this movie.
So did he turn into a giant baby or not?
February 20th, 2009 at 1:33 amgreat abridged script, Rod – though you forgot to include “Did I ever tell you I’ve been struck by lightning seven times” in every scene.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:32 am@ Ian:
That’s because Brad Pitt sucks. Seriously. He’s always “Brad Pitt reading lines” in any particular film (Snatch being the exception to the rule). He’s just a tool. Watch any of his movies, you’ll notice the same monotone voice, same retarded smirk, and same intonation at all times through all films. He’s TERRIBLE.
Shit, go watch the new trailer for Inglorious Basterds. He can’t even be compelled to act decent for a 1-minute spot.
He’s talentlessly glib. And he’s not that pretty either. (!)
February 21st, 2009 at 11:12 am[...] to the-editing-room.com to cool [...]
February 22nd, 2009 at 6:46 am[i]random bob said
Shit, go watch the new trailer for Inglorious Basterds. He can’t even be compelled to act decent for a 1-minute spot.[/i]
I concur with this, but that’s also because I felt an urge to jump into the screen to beat the shit out of Brad Pitt once I heard that atrocious accent he’s putting on. Reason 1 was because I sat there almost shouting at the screen “HE’S A FUCKING AMERICAN, HE DOESN’T HAVE TO PUT ON THAT FUCKING RIDICULOUS ACCENT >:(” and reason 2 being that as of late the best movie Brad Pitt has done in the 21st century was Spy Game and (like his role in Se7en) even in that he wasn’t that good, the real stars in that film were Robert Redford and pretty much everyone else
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 pmthe worst part of this movie is Julia Ormond. Honest to God she looks like someone who is desperate to leave and never see her retarded grandma again. Her face is constantly twisted into this ” i dont know why im reading this or why im here!” look. And that she keeps asking her grandma if the story is real every time the scene cuts back to the hospital
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:29 pmHow bout’ Slumdog millionaire in honor of it winning best picture (lol) and 7 other Oscars… (lol)
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:52 am@babykins
Rod used to have poll up to ask people about what movie to do next, take a good guess why there is no such poll anymore….
hint: dleifrevolC <–
February 23rd, 2009 at 1:13 pmthis is hilarious and yeah brad pitt sucks im so glad that jen aniston dumped him, what in the world does angie jolie sees in that ugly baby yoda?!
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:24 pmQuestion: Is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix just decoration for the Coming Soon section?
February 24th, 2009 at 10:23 pmI just want to say that I’m glad that I’m not the only person who appends “Electric Boogaloo” to any Part 2 movies.
I also add “3-D” to any part 3 movies… but that one’s probably just me…
Oh, yeah. Funny shit, btw.
February 27th, 2009 at 12:49 pmRight when you suspect that it is, suddenly it appears!!
February 28th, 2009 at 12:40 amIn the early scenes, why did young Cate Blanchett have the voice of an old woman? It was really distracting.
February 28th, 2009 at 6:17 pmI’m surprised you didn’t mention the sex scene staring middle-aged Cate and teenager Brad.
March 2nd, 2009 at 9:07 amU gonna do slumdog millionaire
March 7th, 2009 at 8:49 pmWATCHMEN.
Dare you.
March 7th, 2009 at 9:23 pmGran Torino? Enjoyable movie, but I’ll be interested in seeing how you deal with it…
March 8th, 2009 at 10:36 amlol, “The” watchmen
March 8th, 2009 at 3:42 pmNot Gran Torino, I have a feeling I’m going to feel nothing but pain and embarrassment when I read that script. :(
March 8th, 2009 at 10:50 pmTell me, Walter K, are you on the comment thread with us, or are we on the thread with you?
March 9th, 2009 at 3:06 pmPredictions:
One joke at the expense of Dr Manhattan’s huge dick.
Two jokes about Rorschach’s voice (or four illustrating how he should have dubbed Christian Bale in Dark Knight).
Seven jokes at the expense of Malin Akerman’s shitty acting.
One line questioning the whereabouts of the giant squid.
Three mentions of awkwardly forced-in action scenes in what is essentially a DRAMA happening to contain superheroes (in which one is impotent and another is by all accounts a madman).
Big punchline: Zack Snyder is the new Michael Bay.
Place bets.
March 9th, 2009 at 9:45 pmSean C, don’t forget Adrian Veidt’s first appearance–he’s blond, rich, and flamboyant, and he’s shot from below. Zack Snyder might as well have stamped “villain” on his forehead.
A DELIVERY MAN pulls a GUN and SHOOTS EVERYONE except MATTHEW GOODE. MATTHEW hits him with a LAMP and very obviously SHOVES something into the DELIVERY MAN’S mouth.
MATTHEW GOODE: He’s got a poison capsule!
LEE IACOCCA: Yeah, we all just watched you give it to him.
MATTHEW covers the DELIVERY MAN’S mouth.
MATTHEW GOODE: Spit it out! I insist that you spit out the pill that I did not force down your throat! Right between my tightly clamped fingers!
March 10th, 2009 at 10:51 amI like how the comments section for the most recent script is becoming the place where you guys predict my jokes for the next script.
I don’t like, however, the fact that a lot of your predictions are right. Assholes.
March 10th, 2009 at 11:13 amRod:
I think the answer to that dilemma is…
HURRY THE HELL UP!
:-D
March 10th, 2009 at 12:00 pmUh oh, does this increase the possibility of at least one joke at my expense?
Erm…
I’M STILL IN A DREAM, SNAKE EAAAATERRRRRR
March 10th, 2009 at 11:36 pmPrediction:
One joke about Sean C and Craig getting banned from the comments section for spoiling the new scripts
March 11th, 2009 at 1:36 pmDamn, I’ve also wondered if he’d turn into a gigantic baby.
March 21st, 2009 at 2:39 pmSean C Says:
Big punchline: Zack Snyder is the new Michael Bay.
My my, I thought you were predicting Rod’s jokes, not God’s.
April 15th, 2009 at 9:40 amEven so, it IS funnier than Bay’s filmography.
Oh god the last line nearly killed me with laughter.. thank you for convincing me not to waste three hours of my life watching this.
May 10th, 2009 at 11:38 amIndeed, it was a great waste of 3 hours, not funny, over-dramatic, and defied the transitive property.
May 19th, 2009 at 9:24 amAnd it also was not sad.
At all.
Small old man = big baby
David Fincher: That wouldn’t fit into our budget.
I sat through the wad 'o' tripe that is "Benjamin Button" last Friday night with my wife, and we both hated it so much that we couldn't stop seething and suggesting various anatomically-impossible punishments for those involved in the film's creation.
Reading this almost makes it worth it. Thank you.
-=ShoEboX=-
August 24th, 2009 at 1:25 pmHaha I was actually hoping to see him turn into a giant baby.
June 6th, 2010 at 10:42 pm