And so another award ceremony ends. There were some surprises, some expecteds. Some laughs, some tears. Some highlights of the gala event were Russel Crowe punching Joan Rivers in her bony face, shattering her mis-shapen jaw and reducing the lower half of her skull to dust after she made a comment about his tie (this was followed instantaneously by Mr. Crowes kidnapping), Britney Spears performing "Stronger" totally naked in a large tub filled with vibrators (quite a large number of which were eventually thrust into Miss Spears during the performance), and Tom Green taking a dump inside the upper half of Joan Rivers' skull.

All in all, it was a fantastic event filled with bright young hollywood stars and a pack of wild boars, who were guests of Mr. Rod Hilton, the host of the event. Enough with the banalities, here are this years winners (read: losers)!

Worst Title
Nominees: All The Pretty Horses, Dude Where's My Car?, Get Over It, Love & Basketball, O Brother Where Art Thou?
And the award goes to...Dude, Where's My Car? (35%)
Runner-up: All The Pretty Horses (25%)

Worst Remake
Nominees: Charlie's Angels, Down To Earth, Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Shaft, The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle
And the award goes to...The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (32%)
Runner-up: Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas (30%)

Worst Sequel
Nominees: Hannibal, Highlander: Endgame, Mission: Impossible 2, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas
And the award goes to...The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas (42%)
Runner-up: Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (19%)

Most Cliched Horror Flick
Nominees: Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, Final Destination, Urban Legends: Final Cut, Valentine, Wes Craven Presents: Dracula
And the award goes to...Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (31%)
Runner-up:Urban Legends: Final Cut (29%)

Most Pretentious Film
Nominees: All The Pretty Horses, Chocolat, Love's Labour's Lost, The Ninth Gate, Woman On Top
And the award goes to...Chocolat (33%)
Runner-up: All The Pretty Horses (27%)

Worst Motherfucking Piece of Shit Kiddie Flick
Nominees: Digimon: The Movie, Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas, The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas, Thomas and the Magic Railroad
And the award goes to...Digimon: The Movie (39%)
Runner-up: Thomas and the Magic Railroad (22%)

Most Blatant Propaganda Film
Nominees: Battlefield Earth, Bless The Child, The 6th Day, The Contender, Traffic
And the award goes to...Battlefield Earth (58%)
Runner-up:Traffic (13%)

Worst Movie to Set the Civil Rights Movement Back 30 or 40 Years At Least
Nominees: Double Take, Down To Earth, Shaft, The Legend of Bagger Vance, The Original Kings of Comedy
And the award goes to...The Legend of Bagger Vance (31%)
Runner-up: Double Take (19%)

Most Self-Important Film
Nominees: 15 Minutes, Battlefield Earth, I Dreamed of Africa, Pay It Forward, Traffic
And the award goes to...Pay It Forward (38%)
Runner-up: Battlefield Earth (29%)

Worst Two-Hour Commercial
Nominees: Cast Away, Chocolat, Digimon: The Movie, Gone in 60 Seconds, Pokemon The Movie
And the award goes to...Pokemon The Movie (41%)
Runner-up: Digimon: The Movie (23%)

Most Insulting Film
Nominees: 15 Minutes, Coyote Ugly, Finding Forrester, Pay It Forward, Unbreakable
And the award goes to...Coyote Ugly (45%)
Runner-up: Pay It Forward (24%)

Worst Movie
Nominees: 15 Minutes, Battlefield Earth, Cast Away, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Hannibal, Hollow Man, Mission: Impossible 2, The Patriot, The Perfect Storm, What Women Want
And the award goes to...Battlefield Earth (62%)
Runner-up: Hollow Man (8%)

The Get-Over-Yourself Award
This years award goes to MelanieOnline.com, the most narcissistic, vain, self-Absorbed web site of a two-bit celebrity who has shown herself to truly believe the world revolves around her. Not only is the site so enraging in its egotism, but she even tries to sell what appear to be crafts. The worst touch has to be the embedded wave files of Melanie saying the title of each page you visit in her I-Look-40-And-Sound-4 voice. Melanie, get over yourself.

Lifetime Failure Award
This years Lifetime Failure Award goes to Akiva Goldsman. While Akiva did little this past year, his massive failures as a writer and as a human being still made him deserve this award. Akiva, writer of Batman Forever, Batman & Robin, Lost In Space, Practical Magic, and Silent Fall has managed to prove time and time again that if he were to spend hours rolling around in a room of broken glass and nails, be covered in salt, and then throw himself into a vat of lemon juice, that he would barely begin scraping the surface of how much pain he has caused moviegoers since his graduation from Wesleyan University in 1983. Akiva has shown that not only was he a waste of his father's load, he might be the most unqualified person in any job, anywhere. Akiva, who supplied financing to Lost in Space and Deep Blue Sea, has proven himself worthy of this award through his complete lack of talent, intelligence, and common sense. Congratulations, Akiva! You're a worthless piece of shit!

Thanks to everyone who voted! The rest of you can rot in hell.