ANY GIVEN SUNDAY
The Abridged Script
EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD
The CAMERA jumps wildly all over the place as FOOTBALL players indulge in a GAME.
DENNIS QUAID is hurt, so JAMIE FOXX starts as quarterback, but isn't FOCUSED ON THE GAME and doesn't play AS PART OF A TEAM so they lose.
I am merely concerned with my own glory.
LL COOL J
I am merely concerned with my contract and commercials.
I am merely concerned with the business of the game.
I wish football were still pure.
FOOTBALL, though, continues to not be PURE and AL PACINO becomes disconnected from the world as a result. He feels as though he can no longer be a good coach.
I also wish football were still pure, by the way.
Suddenly, there is another FOOTBALL GAME.
EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - AGAIN
A game ensues with loud metal or techno music playing echoed in the background. It pauses for a line of dialogue, then the game continues and a new song begins. Meanwhile, JAMIE FOXX continues to become individually glorified and successful, which is going to his head.
The above is repeated for about two hours.
The insane camera cuts between black football players and white owners while a song called "My Niggas" plays echoed and loudly in the background.
Eventually, they get to THE BIG GAME, where DENNIS QUAID is quarterback.
I recognize that this is a TEAM.
There is no I in TEAM.
I'm evil because I put my own glory ahead of the TEAM, by the way.
I don't care about the TEAM.
LL COOL J
I have come to realize the importance of TEAMwork. As well as the evils of BUSINESS in relation to football.
I still don't care.
Would you like me to make you a tape?
CDs, man. Today, CDs are used.
There are some major age differences between us. Despite this, I will convince you that teamwork is important.
Despite differences of race and age, JAMIE comes to realize the importance of TEAMWORK, which is important, dammit. You see, despite being so different, the bond formed by true TEAMWORK can overcome all differences among men.
You see, the point I'm trying to make is that something as wholesome as football has been corrupted by greed and individualism.
OLIVER STONE bludgeons his AUDIENCE with a brick of MESSAGE AND THEME for a while.
TEAMWORK IS IMPORTANT DAMMIT! INDIVIDUALITY IS DEATH! FOLLOW LEADER!
The AUDIENCE runs screaming from the theater, blood dripping from a hole in their skull created by a bullet called SYMBOLISM.
The camera goes berzerk for no reason.