American Psycho: The Abridged Script
By Rod | Apr 21st, 2000 |
19 Comments
| Movie: 
FADE IN:
INT. A CORPORATE OFFICE
CHRISTIAN BALE
I am a businessman. Watch me overact and twist my stupid face off.
CHRISTIAN procceeds to CUT THE THROAT of a person who pisses him off.
CHRISTIAN BALE
I am quite CUTTHROAT.
JARED LETO
I am another businessman. I am also CUTTHROAT, but in a less literal meaning of the word only applied the way I conduct my business.
BUSINESSMEN
You see, we are all quite evil and calculating and murder each other in a nonliteral way.
CHRISTIAN BALE
I, however, do it literally. I AM A LITERAL MANIFESTATION OF WHAT ALL BUSINESSMEN ARE DEEP DOWN.
INT. CHRISTIAN’S HOME
CHRISTIAN uses three hundred items to cleanse himself. He is very concerned with his image.
FEMALE DIRECTOR MARY HARRON
Look how stupid you businessmen are. You are all outrageously stupid. I hope you all die.
JARED LETO is killed by an AXE. The shot freezes and we see that the axe is labelled “BUSINESS TACTICS” on the side. The shot is then made black-and-white and placed on the editorial page of a newspaper.
CHRISTIAN BALE
Do I enjoy murdering or is it a deeper seed inside of me, possibly the result of my need to eliminate competition and drive myself toward success?
CHRISTIAN then procceds to have a threesome with two hookers.
The MPAA finds it unacceptable and SLICES IT UP.
BALE finds a hooker unacceptable and SLICES HER UP.
WILLEM DAFOE
Hello, I am here for virtually no reason whatsoever!
CHRISTIAN beans WILLEM with a sock tightly packed with kitten innards.
CHRISTIAN BALE
BWAHAHAH! I’M TOTALLY FUCKING INSANE!!! SPEED 2 SUCKED ASS, MOTHERFUCKER!!! I AM SUCH A NUTCASE, I REALLY HOPE EVERYONE NOTICES THAT!!!
An OLD woman makes a crack about CHRISTIAN’S business card, so CHRISTIAN shits in her mouth and stabs her in the stomach with a rusty spoon.
CHRISTIAN BALE
I AM BENT ON DESTROYING THOSE THAT THREATEN ME IN ANY WAY!!
FEMALE DIRECTOR MARY HARRON
Look how shallow and insecure all men..er..Christian Bale is.
CHRISTIAN shoves MARY HARRON’S FACE into a BLENDER.
CHRISTIAN BALE
I am completely losing it.. I’m starting to kill people that don’t threaten me for no real reason other than bloodlust being a logical extension of my already existing desire to kill!
CHRISTIAN skins three small children, sews their skin together, and creates car seats for his luxury sedan.
CHRISTIAN BALE
Wait, this might not all be really happening..perhaps I am imagining it as a result of my extreme disconnection with humanity. Perhaps I, as a businessman, am so emotionless and distant from the planet that I desire to kill in order to feel any emotion at all. Perhaps this is the result of the Wall Street-controlled world of business in which we live.
BALE murders the AUDIENCE by bludgeoning them with a BRICK called “MESSAGE” then kicking them in the stomach with boots labelled “THEME” a few times.
END
Brilliant!
July 13th, 2007 at 3:49 amVery amusing, but seriously, there are certain do’s and don’ts about wearing a bold striped shirt .. :P
July 29th, 2007 at 12:14 pmAfter reading the book and watching movie, I can say that Rod’s work is a laugh riot.
August 1st, 2007 at 6:16 amRod’s script seems to be more commercial, and therefore, more satisfying in a narrower way. It shines with hope that it’s not too late to better ourselves. Since it’s impossible in this world we’re living, to empathise with others, we must always empathise with ourselves. It’s an important message, crucial really. And it’s beautifully stated in the script.
RE: mofreus ivanovich
“Rod’s script seems to be more commercial, and therefore, more satisfying in a narrower way.”
Fucking moron.
August 9th, 2007 at 12:27 pmhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcasm ?
August 29th, 2007 at 11:34 amI’ve always loved this script, thought I’d give it another read. One of your best, Rod.
February 15th, 2008 at 12:46 am“Fucking moron.”
^Hasn’t seen the movie.
May 12th, 2008 at 10:52 amI just want to say that Adrian might want to watch the movie before calling someone a fucking moron, fucking moron.
July 20th, 2008 at 4:06 amI was reading this script while wearing a crisp lily white Van Huesen shirt from David Jones, which i picked up for $399.00 , Pinstripe microfibre woven slacks, black, from the menswear section of Myer.. My rolex tells me it is 10.53 , and i am already late for my lunch meeting at Dorsia
October 20th, 2008 at 5:39 pmadrian, do you like Huey Lewis & the news?
fucking great script as well, Rod.
January 12th, 2009 at 3:43 pmNot a Menorah. You spin a Dreidal.
June 8th, 2009 at 1:45 amThe MPAA finds it unacceptable and SLICES IT UP.
BALE finds a hooker unacceptable and SLICES HER UP.
bahahahahahahahahahahaha!
June 21st, 2009 at 5:14 pmHow the hell did you get a reservation at Dorsia/
November 22nd, 2009 at 2:52 amThis director totally took a dump on the book and called it a movie.
December 14th, 2009 at 7:40 pmNever noticed the Business tactics thing. I love the imagery of Patrick Bateman bludgeoning the audience with a "THEME" and "MESSAGE" brick. I think that brick is a regular guest star on a lot of Hollywood films.
December 15th, 2009 at 12:59 amhee! up in arms a little because i think bale did a fine job, but completely agree about the film shrieking its message.
June 7th, 2010 at 8:32 amHey "Fucking Moron", Adrian was referring to the sentence he "QUOTED", which was incomprehensible and was just pretentious horse shit. Probably like your thoughts on the movie, judging by your inability to take things in context, jackass.
July 11th, 2010 at 8:05 pmReading blind criticism of EVERYTHING fills you with hope?
He picks any movie, no matter how good or bad it is, and pokes fun at anything he can think of. Entertaining, but hardly important.
August 3rd, 2010 at 12:00 pmWow…commenting on a 2 year old argument? :/
Also, stormy rockweather, I'll just say it to you, since you seem to be a bit daft: That 'incomprehensible' line is *from* the movie when Bateman describes Genesis.
Fucking moron.
Can't spend anymore time with you now…in a hurry….gotta go return some videotapes.
August 20th, 2010 at 4:10 pm