"If this year's craze is helium goop balloons, then my kid's gonna HAVE a helium goop balloon."


"If this year's craze is helium goop balloons, then my kid's gonna HAVE a helium goop balloon."

A BALLOON FOR BEN

The Very Abridged Script

NOTE FOR OUR NON-CANADIAN FRIENDS: In Canada, 94.7% of all movie theatres are owned by the same company. Last year, this company decided it should make short animated Christmas films. Which means that in Canada, if you went to see practically ANY movie this December, you first had to endure "A Balloon for Ben". ALL THE DESCRIPTIVE TEXT BELOW IS WHAT LITERALLY HAPPENS.

FADE IN:

INT. CREEPY-ASS MOVIE MEMORY BALLOON STORE

BEN and his DAD approach the counter where BEN hands in a small glowy ball. The STORE CLERK puts it through a MOVIE PROJECTOR and it becomes a GLOWING WHITE BALLOON.

BEN

I'm not sure what the fuck is happening here? Was the original glowball part of my soul or something? Is the movie in the balloon about me?

BEN'S DAD

No, I think it's various Hollywood movies inside the balloons, that play when you burst them, but they were created by totally other people. I think it's supposed to represent our memories of happy times, maybe? The whole metaphor is really confused.

INT. BEN'S HOUSE

BEN and his DAD are about to burst the BALLOON together, but BEN'S DAD gets an urgent phone call that he has to go do his SNOWPLOW JOB.

BEN'S DAD

Well yeah, this job keeps people not dead. Am I really supposed to feel guilty about it?

Over a TIME-LAPSE MONTAGE, days and weeks and months pass, with the BALLOON remaining sadly UNBURST.

BEN

What the fuck? My Dad's not snowplowing 24-7, we really never found the time, not even once, to watch a single damn movie? I mean, he seems like a loving father and we appear to have a healthy relationship so who gives a shit if we watched this one movie--

INT. BEN'S ROOM, LATE ONE NIGHT

BEN'S DAD finds BEN asleep, holding the withering BALLOON. The BALLOON starts to fall so BEN'S DAD lunges forward, falling to his knees, and finding a BOX underneath BEN'S bed that contains SHRIVELLED BALLOONS HOLDING PALE WHITE FLUID.

BEN'S DAD

Echh, thought you'd reach your teens before I found anything like this. Wait, these are expired soul-movie-memory balloons! Hm...

EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - WINTER

BEN'S DAD drives up in his SNOWPLOW which is towing THE MOST GIANT BALLOON EVER, IT'S ENORMOUS AND GIGANTIC AND SO GLOWY!!

BEN

Um, how the fuck did you make that? Did you have to take like a hundred glowballs out of me? Is that why I feel so hollow?

BEN'S DAD pulls the GIANT BALLOON over a SNOW-COVERED FIELD, takes his KEYS out of his pocket and THROWS them, BURSTING the GIANT BALLOON which plays the MOST HUGE MOVIE EVER!!

BEN

ARRRGH.... sensory... overload! Human mind... not meant... to absorb so much!... Going... mad....aghhhhhhhh

(collapses)

BEN'S DAD

(digging through snow)

GODDAMIT TO FUCK WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY FUCKING KEYS, I NEED THOSE TO SAVE LIIIIVES

END

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