"Of course I'll be in your movie! No, you don't have to bother telling me what it's about."


"Of course I'll be in your movie! No, you don't have to bother telling me what it's about."

8MM

The Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. FILM STUDIO

WRITER ANDREW KEVIN WALKER

Hey, I wrote another disturbing movie like Se7en for David Fincher to direct.

JOEL SCHUMACHER

Oh! Oh! Can I do it? I really need to direct a good movie to make up for... my life.

WRITER ANDREW KEVIN WALKER

Well... I guess, if you--

JOEL SCHUMACHER

Hooray!

(grabs the script)

Where's my neon paint?

INT. NICOLAS CAGE'S HOME

KATHERINE KEENER

Hi honey. I am a pathetic waif.

NICOLAS CAGE

Zzzzzzz...

KATHERINE KEENER

You've been hired by an old woman to find out of the girl in a snuff film is alive or not?

NICOLAS CAGE

Zzzz.

KATHERINE KEENER

Hurry back, you pitiful weenie. I'll call you every day and make notes of your descent into the seedy realm of underground pornography.

INT. PORNO BOOK STORE

NICOLAS CAGE

Zzz? Zz. Zzzz.

JOAQUIN PHOENIX

Sure, I'll help you find the girl, and provide comic relief, too. First, lets rent a bunch of sick pornos to show how the world is changing you.

They watch pornographic materials. A girl is shown, bruised and battered, chained in shackles. She is slapped in the face by a big brute of a man. A tear rolls down her cheek, but it too is slapped away, along with all of her hopes and dreams. The big brute strips her of her clothing and dignity and rapes her hard. She sobs hopelessly, blood trickling down her thigh as he slaps and beats her.

AUDIENCE

I thought this movie was supposed to be really disturbing.

The brute slashes her throat. Blood pours down her stripped body and she lets out one final sob of desperation.

AUDIENCE

I think I saw this on cinemax the other day.

JOAQUIN PHOENIX

I guess we should track down the people involved with this movie.

They leave, to track down THE MACHINE.

INT. NEON-COVERED PLACE

JOAQUIN PHOENIX

This is where the Machine makes his movies.

SOUNDTRACK

Hi there! What the hell am I?

Suddenly, THE MACHINE shows up. NICOLAS punches him in the face and his mask comes off.

DILBERT

NOO!! My mask!

DILBERT pulls out a CROSSBOW.

JOAQUIN PHOENIX

A crossbow? What the hell?

JOAQUIN is shot.

NICOLAS CAGE

NOOOOO!!! I have become filled with rage and anger at what has been done here! I must exact revenge!

NICOLAS plunges a knife into DILBERT'S gut.

DILBERT

(gasping)

You are now no better than the people you hate!

WRITER ANDREW KEVIN WALKER

That's the point. See, it's supposed to repres-

JOEL SCHUMACHER

Shut up. Look at the pretty neon! Me like directing! It beats working!

END


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