21: The Abridged Script
By: Rod Hilton on Apr 7th, 2008 | Movie Rating: 
FADE IN:
INT. HARVARD ADMISSIONS OFFICE
JIM STURGESS is meeting with some ADMISSIONS GUY.
JIM STURGESS
As I was saying, I am extraordinarily gifted, to a point where I will obviously be unbelievably rich and successful. But because Harvard is hard to get into, I want to go here, and I believe not only do I deserve it, but I deserve a free ride. That’s how awesome I am.
HARVARD ADMISSIONS GUY
That’s all well and good, but to get a scholarship, you will need to write an admissions essay that really jumps off the page. Like maybe a story about love, loss, and ultimately redemption. Perhaps you could tell this story in obnoxious, narrated movie form.
JIM STURGESS
Funny you should mention that overused storytelling technique. You see…
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MEN’S CLOTHING STORE
JIM works as a salesman selling men’s clothing. He oozes cockiness on a few HAPLESS PATRONS.
HAPLESS PATRON
Hey, how much will this tie cost me?
JIM STURGESS
Well, the tie is marked down by the square root of 182 dollars, which of course means that it’s $13.49 off, bringing the total to $36.51.
HAPLESS PATRON
HOLY SHIT YOU CAN DO SIMPLE MATH IN YOUR HEAD?!
JIM STURGESS
I’m pretty good with numbers. But I’m even better at explaining my own bland characterization to cast members with virtually no lines.
JIM is approached by his fat friend, JOSH GAD.
JOSH GAD
You seem almost as bummed as you are gifted, Jim. What’s wrong?
JIM STURGESS
I want to go to Harvard medical school, but it costs $300,000! How can I possibly afford that?!
JOSH GAD
Um, student loans?
JIM STURGESS
No! I need some kind of magic pile of money to fall into my lap in a manner that compromises by morality and makes me learn a lesson about life! I knew you wouldn’t understand!
JIM goes off to pout about being ridiculously gifted without parents who are already ridiculously rich.
INT. MIT CLASSROOM
KEVIN SPACEY gives a traditional college movie lecture filled with accessible anecdotes rather than actual information.
KEVIN SPACEY
So I’d like to pose an interesting problem to you all. Let’s say you choose one out of 26 cases and then oogle a bunch of women in low-cut dresses while some bald guy with a soul patch makes shitty jokes and picks up a fake phone. Are you on a challenging game show, or are you doing something a trained monkey could do?
JIM STURGESS
The question is impossible to answer, as an untrained monkey could do it as well.
KEVIN SPACEY
Good. Most people would have gotten emotional in their response, but Jim here kept his cool. Alright class, any questions?
JIM STURGESS
Um, yeah: why are you talking about high-school level probability in the middle of your senior-level MIT class on nonlinear equations?
KEVIN SPACEY
CLASS DISMISSED!
INT. LIBRARY
JIM is doing homework when suddenly he is approached by JACOB PITTS.
JACOB PITTS
Hey asshole. My stupid professor wants to talk to you about how dumb you are or whatever. Follow me.
JIM follows JACOB to find KEVIN SPACEY in a room with a bunch of other students, playing BLACKJACK.
JIM STURGESS
What’s going on? Why is Lois Lane here?
KEVIN SPACEY
You’re looking at the infamous MIT Blackjack Team.
JIM STURGESS
No I’m not. The MIT Blackjack Team was a whole bunch of male Asian kids. You’re a group of ethnically and sexually diverse students headed by two white kids.
KATE BOSWORTH
Welcome to Hollywood.
KEVIN SPACEY
Join our team as we count cards and make millions of dollars.
JIM STURGESS
No.
(pause)
Okay. But only until I learn a valuable lesson.
KATE BOSWORTH
Okay, here’s what you have to know. There are two types of team members: boring secondary characters and obnoxious lead characters. The secondary characters tell the leads when a table is hot, and then the lead characters come over and make huge bets, attract an unhealthy amount of attention from the casino, then walk away with millions.
JIM STURGESS
What? Card counting only increases your odds 1 or 2%. This isn’t magic, it’s math.
KATE BOSWORTH
In movies, those are the same thing. Now, we communicate with each other using a system of subtle hand signals, with the exception of one really obvious hand signal for the most common thing we need to tell each other.
JIM STURGESS
Sounds great. When do I start my downward spiral?
KEVIN SPACEY
Just as soon as we have you play blackjack in an illegal, underground casino in the back of a Chinese restaurant, which actually turns out to be an elaborate ruse meant to see if you can keep your cool under pressure, but will actually only illustrate that you are willing to sell us out if your life is in danger.
That HAPPENS. Then everyone goes to LAS VEGAS!
EXT. LAS VEGAS
We are treated to the customary CHARACTER WHO HAS NEVER BEEN TO VEGAS LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW OF A MOVING CAR AT ALL OF THE EXTRAVAGANTLY DECORATED CASINOS montage.
KEVIN SPACEY
Now, it’s very important that you don’t let the floor managers realize you all know each other, so make sure once you enter the casino you only give each other suspicious, knowing looks without ever directly conversing.
KATE BOSWORTH
Is it alright if we all enter at the exact same time with our arms around each other while laughing loudly?
KEVIN SPACEY
Sure, that’s fine. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go fire my agent.
KATE, JIM, JACOB PITTS, AARON YOO, and LIZA LAPIRA all enter the casino and play some BLACKJACK.
JIM STURGESS
Hit. Stay. Stay. Stay. Hit. Split. Hit. Hit. Stay. Stay. Hit.
KATE BOSWORTH
Finally, a movie that’s willing to capture all of the excitement of blackjack.
Meanwhile…
INT. POORLY-LIT SECURITY BASEMENT.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE paces around, scowling at security cameras and grimacing.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Keep your eyes on these college-aged kids, men. We need to find a cheater, since casinos throughout the city are replacing our antiquated methods of loss prevention with biometric software.
LAURENCE’S PARTNER
Is that why we can’t afford a fucking lamp for this room? Seriously, why are are we working in a cave?
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
I dunno, why is this movie taking place in present day even though the real-life events it is based on happened in the 90’s, before casinos starting reshuffling the deck between every hand and completely obliterating any advantage card-counting affords? Some things are just mysteries.
INT. CASINO FLOOR
LIZA LAPIRA signals JIM STURGESS over to her table, but JACOB PITTS comes over as well.
JIM STURGESS
What the hell? You are not following the protocol! There’s nothing a rebellious youth like myself respects like rules!
JACOB PITTS
Hit! Stay! Stay! Hit! Hit! Split! Stay!
LIZA LAPIRA
You’re out of control, Jacob!
JACOB loses!
KEVIN SPACEY
That’s it, Jacob! I’ve had it with your arrogance! From now on, only Jim’s equally obnoxious arrogance will be tolerated! You’re off the team!
JACOB PITTS
Damn you, Spacey! If only there was some way I could seek revenge for this humiliation! Like, for example, telling the casino about your plans, or telling the school, or writing a book about your secret strategy, or calling the local newspaper and explaining what is going on! But I’m powerless! FUCK!
JIM grows obsessed with his LAS VEGAS LIFESTYLE and eventually alienates his friends at MIT.
JOSH GAD
You’re off our robot team, Jim! You’ve changed!
JIM STURGESS
What? No I haven’t. I’m exactly the same whiny, arrogant little douchebag I’ve always been. I’m just hanging out on campus less.
JOSH GAD
Yeah, but now you are recognizing the essential worthlessness of our robot, so we’re punishing you by denying you the ability to work on something which you are clearly uninterested in!
JIM STURGESS
For some reason, this upsets me! I’ll have to comfort myself by winning thousands of dollars and fucking Kate Bosworth up against a window.
JIM and the TEAM go back to VEGAS, but then JIM LOSES!
KEVIN SPACEY
(leaving angrily)
What is it with you people? It’s like you’re a bunch of college kids or something! I’m out of here.
JIM STURGESS
Whatever, fuck him. We can do this on our own.
KATE BOSWORTH
No we can’t.
(pause)
Okay, we can.
They go back to the casino, but attract the attention of LAURENCE FISBURNE, who abducts JIM and beats the shit out of him in a back room, because CASINOS are not bound by LAWS.
JIM STURGESS
Please stop! I promise, I’ll never gamble in the one casino in Vegas that you still work for ever again!
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
That’s not good enough! If you want to count cards, do it in Atlantic City!
JIM STURGESS
Er, wait, why DON’T we do it in Atlantic City? It’s like 2,500 miles closer.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Now I’m going to finish mercilessly beating you, except that I’m going to very clearly pull my punch, making the surprise ending unbelievably obvious.
INT. MIT CAMPUS
JIM returns to MIT only to find that he is failing KEVIN SPACEY’S CLASS on NONLINEAR EQUATIONS USING PLUSSING AND MINUSING. Also, all of his winnings have been stolen!
JIM STURGESS
Kate Bosworth, you have to help me. Kevin Spacey stole all of the money I was going to use for Harvard. Without it, I’ll have to settle for Johns Hopkins or Yale!
KATE BOSWORTH
Wait, how did he steal all of your money?
JIM STURGESS
I was hiding it in the ceiling above my bed in my dorm room.
KATE BOSWORTH
…
JIM STURGESS
I would frequently place it up there without locking the door, thereby allowing other students to walk in on me while I was suspiciously tampering with my ceiling tiles.
KATE BOSWORTH
Jesus Christ, you ever hear of a safety deposit box? The “brightest student at MIT” doesn’t know how to use a fucking bank?
JIM goes to see KEVIN SPACEY at an ALUMNI EVENT.
JIM STURGESS
I realize now that, while my cockiness and arrogance were a virtue up to a point, there was a certain arbitrary line I crossed where I became too cocky and therefore worthy of your abandonment. Please work with me again.
KEVIN SPACEY
Okay, but only if we stupidly go back to the same casino in order to maximize our chances of being caught.
They go back to VEGAS and count cards together. Eventually, LAURENCE FISHBURNE catches them and abducts KEVIN SPACEY.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
So, I’ve finally caught you. And now I’m going to beat the shit out of you, get you fired, report you to the IRS, kill your cat, rape your wife, shit in your kid’s Frosted Flakes, and stuff dynamite in your mother’s grave. All so that Jim can get his fantasy happy ending.
KEVIN SPACEY
Jim? You mean the character that’s almost exactly like me in every way, but younger? Why the fuck am I the bad guy in this movie?
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. HARVARD ADMISSIONS OFFICE
JIM STURGESS
…and that’s my story. So do I jump off the page now LOL?!
HARVARD ADMISSIONS GUY
I guess. But you’re also a cheater and kind of an asshole, plus your story has absolutely nothing to do with medicine. Admission denied, chump.
END
first! great script, btw.
April 7th, 2008 at 12:58 pmMy god, this movie sounds dumber than I thought it would be. Thanks for saving me 8 bucks Rod. You rock.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:36 pmI wasn’t going to see this, but unfortunately Rod mentioned Kate Bosworth getting nailed up against a window. Thanks for costing me 8 bucks Rod. You suck.
April 7th, 2008 at 2:02 pmActually, I don’t think this script made the movie sound dumb enough!
I think that bugs me the most is this is yet ANOTHER movie where the “genius students” are both brilliant and highly attractive. Sorry, but chances are the most genius girl in school isn’t going to look like that. I can understand hiring actors/actresses that are slightly better-than-average looking, but come on. Almost every movie involving geniuses has some genius chick that looks like a supermodel.
April 7th, 2008 at 2:31 pmFIRST!! jim, I didn’t realise that this site had turned into AICN. Knock it off.
Rod, again you’ve saved me ten bucks. Although your favourite script line
NO!!
(pauses)
Ok.
is getting used a bit much these days! Write a script without it! You used it twice in this one!!
April 7th, 2008 at 4:02 pmSIXTH!!!
And Lindsey, come on man, don’t you know that ugly people aren’t dramatic?
April 7th, 2008 at 5:11 pmLindsey: Would you rather they use the “dorky shy girl who snorts when she laughs” cliche?
April 7th, 2008 at 5:36 pmFunny script, Rod…but you said the next one was going to be “Doomsday”! Unless I’ve got one of those medical conditions where “Doomsday” looks like “21″! Waaaahh!!
Seriously, great script though.
April 7th, 2008 at 5:58 pmLance:
Oh yeah. I forgot that I said that. Kind of a weird story actually.
The magazine told me my next movie was Doomsday, and then the weekend before it was due I got a panicked e-mail saying that they needed to change the movie, so I suggested 21.
I asked what happened, and my editor explained that, for political reasons, they didn’t want to do Doomsday. Basically they didn’t want to piss of the director by having me rip his movie apart I guess.
I didn’t get any more information than that, but I’ve felt free to speculate wildly. Based on the fact that this has never happened before and I’m always pretty harsh with the movies I review, I imagine that either Doomsday is particularly godawful OR the director mentioned the Abridged Script feature specifically when doing promo work with the magazine.
So yeah, kind of odd. I guess I lied about Doomsday. Sorry*.
*may not actually be sorry.
April 7th, 2008 at 6:10 pmThat was absolutely great.
“why are you talking about high-school level probability in the middle of your senior-level MIT class on nonlinear equations?”
Fantastic.
April 7th, 2008 at 6:28 pmSeriously, when I heard that they re-cast the leads from being a bunch of asians to typical white people, I got turned off. And yet another movie about a guy who gets money and fame, ditches his loser friends, and then realizes what a dick he was by doing so. I’d have more respect for him if he said “Yeah, I dumped you guys once I got some self-respect. So?”
April 7th, 2008 at 7:25 pmWhen 1st choice said no….
Jonah Hill: Josh Gad
Clea DuVal: Kate Icantact Bosworth
Michael Ciaera (?):Jim Sturgess
Kevin Spacey:…needed a paycheck.
BTW, this is the 3rd movie Spacey and Bosworth are in. I think he’s putting it in her.
April 7th, 2008 at 7:57 pmMatt: No. I guess that I want them to use, I don’t know, original characters so it at least looks like they put some sort of work into the film and deserve the money that some idiots will pay to go and see their garbage. I know it’s asking too much for directors to create unique and original characters though, those poor suffering souls are too busy fapping over yet another hot brilliant nerd temptress when they’re supposed to be making their movie not suck.
April 7th, 2008 at 9:55 pmThis movie looked like fucking trash. I’d rather watch Janet Jackson dance in cereal.
Sad Doomsday story. Hollywood hates you.
April 8th, 2008 at 12:13 amNow that I’ve read this I’m going to get so crunk and laugh at it so hard they’ll throw me out of the theater!
Rod you truly are a man of the people
April 8th, 2008 at 1:23 amNice script. Anyone seen this movie and also “The Last Casino”. I loved that movie, but i think this flick is almost the same. Definitely gonna watch this one.
April 8th, 2008 at 7:24 amThe-Joker, i couldn’t stop laughing after i read the beginning of your comment. i made mine just to annoy people like you, and buddy–it worked.
*swish*
April 8th, 2008 at 7:32 amDENIED, CHUMP.
FTW.
Yea, the word you’re looking for is ‘pwnt.’
I haven’t seen this movie yet, and I’m definitely not gonna pay to go see it, but I’ll most likely download it >>
April 8th, 2008 at 9:12 amI cracked up at your hit on the predictable ‘OMGLOOKATALLTHEPRETTYLIGGHHTTSS!’ character-looking-out-the-window comment. Now the people in my school library think I’m insane, so thanks. But that scene really is horriblly overused and cliche.
And yet I love it so D;
Wow. You make this movie sound so bad.
“Sure, that’s fine. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go fire my agent.”
Seriously.
April 8th, 2008 at 1:25 pmLoved the line about movie college professors giving anecdotes instead of actual information. I wish mine had been so engaging.
Thanks for once again saving me from a mediocre movie. I had a bad feeling about this one ever since they started the ads. Now go do some “There Will Be Blood”. That movie just begs for it.
April 8th, 2008 at 2:10 pmyou can’t rip apart Doomsday because someone is worried they might piss the talent-less director? OK. I will do it for you.
*ahem*
Doomsday: Abridged
FADE IN:
Stuff happens. All of it SUCKS.
END
April 8th, 2008 at 3:21 pmDamn you, Spacey! If only there was some way I could seek revenge for this humiliation! Like, for example, telling the casino about your plans, or telling the school, or writing a book about your secret strategy, or calling the local newspaper and explaining what is going on! But I’m powerless! FUCK!
April 8th, 2008 at 4:20 pmFunny script, and so true…except for the part about going back to the same casino. It was the only one not using the software, meaning the only one they had a chance of not being caught at.
April 9th, 2008 at 8:45 amWait Jim… People like me? What are people like me? People that don’t like assholes?
April 9th, 2008 at 2:53 pmstepping away from the whole Jim and Joker Chronicles,
April 9th, 2008 at 4:39 pmhaha! Tank
also, funny script. “CLASS DISMISSED!”
Whoa, I didn’t know Lex Luthor was in this movie! Sweet!
“The magazine told me my next movie was Doomsday, and then the weekend before it was due I got a panicked e-mail saying that they needed to change the movie, so I suggested 21.”
Oh. I forgot you worked for a magazine. Can you still sneak the script onto the Web somewhere?
“But I’m powerless!”
As powerless as Harry Osborne and Mary Jane Watson were to ruin Spider-Man by blabbing his secret identity!
April 9th, 2008 at 9:30 pmIt really was stupid the way they attempted to portray everybody as uber-gifted mathematical geniuses because they possess the ability to either add or subtract ONE from a number, then divide that by another small number, all without using an abacus or anything!
Good call on the Monty Hall probability problem, Rod. I nearly walked out at that point.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:33 pmThe Joker–no YOU’RE the asshole! ha! take THAT.
*zing*
April 10th, 2008 at 10:02 amPrick.
April 10th, 2008 at 7:38 pmSo does that mean you will NOT being doing a DOOMSDAY script at all?! Weak. I was looking forward to that one.
April 11th, 2008 at 3:52 amAt least he’s a clever prick…. pffft.
April 11th, 2008 at 9:53 pmI liked Doomsday because there was no disappointment. You could tell how it would be patheticly cheesy and enjoy it as such. Not like Snakes on a Plane, where you think it’s going to be classic B-Movie cheese and it ends up “Final Destination” cheese. That was a let down.
Regardless, I was looking forward to a script for that one.
April 12th, 2008 at 7:43 pmI don’t know matt, I knew Snakes on a Plane was going to be fucking terrible. So, I didn’t watch it
April 12th, 2008 at 9:41 pmwow, i was actually thinking of watching this movie, but after reading this…..i’ve changed my mind!! thanx! i just saw Prom Night…..i think you’d have a lot of fun abridging that one!…..
April 12th, 2008 at 11:23 pmRod - I’m getting a little sick of you making comments on how they always cast hot chicks as smart girls. You’re kind of saying that girls can either be smart and ugly, or pretty and dumb. It’s insulting. It really shouldn’t be that unbelievable that a girl is both hot and smart.
April 13th, 2008 at 12:33 amDid Rod say that? I only saw that sentiment in Lindsey’s comment.
I remember that was also a point of contention with Cloverfield. Hudson was the most average-looking one, so he was put behind the camera.
April 13th, 2008 at 1:47 pmPoo, I’m the one that said it. And I stand by it. I’m not saying that girls can’t be both beautiful and smart - obviously they can. However, when it starts happening in EVERY single movie involving above-intelligence students, yes, it gets annoying. When 95% of the movies I’ve seen of this type of a supermodel-type brilliant chick as the female lead, I think I have the right to be annoyed and tell the directors to actually consider hiring someone more realistic-looking. I don’t think it’s too much to ask. It’s a stupid movie cliche. I’ve always admired actors that aren’t drop-dead gorgeous or hunks because they have to get by on actual talent, not how many boob jobs or nose jobs they’ve had.
At any rate, it gets hard to take movies like this seriously when they are completely run on cliches like the super-hot-model-nerd-chick. If only one or two movies did it, I wouldn’t be complaining. But I can’t think of a movie where the female lead was extremely intelligent but average (or even slightly above-average) looking.
If you want me to turn the tables, as a female who is in the top 5% at her university, I am insulted that these movies constantly hire actresses to play these roles, as if you insinuate that you can be dumb and beautiful, you can be smart and beautiful, but GOD FORBID that you are anything less than a supermodel. It creates unrealistic expectations and tells average-looking girls, who make up the majority of women watching these movies, that it doesn’t matter who you are or what you do - if you’re not hot and sexy, you’re worthless.
Of course, that’s BS. I’m not insulted, I’m not that touchy. But it can be turned around. So don’t come on here yelling at Rod for something he didn’t do, and don’t come on here yelling at me for stating my opinion on something that really bothers me, for a legitimate reason. Thank you.
April 13th, 2008 at 2:26 pmDUDE! They stole your idea of Jason Vs. Future Jason.
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t109/Red_Blaster/Jason9.jpg
April 13th, 2008 at 2:41 pmhttp://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t109/Red_Blaster/Jason10.jpg
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t109/Red_Blaster/Jason11.jpg
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t109/Red_Blaster/Jason12.jpg
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t109/Red_Blaster/Jason13.jpg
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t109/Red_Blaster/Jason14.jpg
Red:
Holy crap, what the hell is that from? That looks almost exactly like my idea… where did you find that?
April 13th, 2008 at 3:03 pmI saw those 6 pages posted in another forum. They’re from a comic called “Jason Vs. Jason X”. That’s all I have.
April 13th, 2008 at 3:24 pmRed:
http://www.fridaythe13thfilms.com/media/comics/jasonvsjasonx.html
Yeah, check that out. This says it was published in 2006. I came up with the idea shortly after Jason X was released in 2001, but I hadn’t ‘published’ the idea until 2007. I had told friends about it, but that’s really it.
It IS interesting to note that I sent my first Jason 11 script to agent plus my pitches for the other two movies before 2006. I wonder if he shopped that idea around and sold it to this comic book company.
I kind of doubt it. My guess is that someone else just came up with the same totally badass idea (his premise for the jason fight isn’t as radical as mine, of course). It’s cool he got a comic published. I wonder if I can find a copy somewhere.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:36 amLindsey / Poo,
You’re missing a crucial element in this argument, which is that neither academic success nor physical attractiveness is based solely on a person’s innate characteristics. To do extremely well at a school like MIT requires an enormous amount of work in studying, going to class, and not killing brain cells with drugs and alcohol. Being smart can only take you so far. Similarly, to look as good as just about any actress requires an enormous of work in hair, makeup, and wardrobe. Good looks can only take you so far.
So while it’s not impossible for a girl to be pretty and smart, it is next to impossible for a girl to have the time, energy, and motivation to be as academically successful and as physically attractive as what you will often see in movies (presumably this one, although I haven’t seen it). As someone who went to a very selective school, I can attest that very attractive girls are far less common than at less selective schools.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:26 pmThat’s a good point, Tom. And I’m not against attractive people being cast in movies. I really don’t care. But does every college in the nation have to have the best-looking woman in the state as also the most intelligent? It just bothers me. I don’t see how someone in the academic setting who is at the top of her class and such a genius that she spends her life doing what she does has time to get a boob job, apply all those layers of makeup to remove every single blemish, make sure no strand of hair is out of place, get a nose job, not to mention laser hair removal. And then they put her in a sweatshirt and say, “See? She’s not hot, she’s wearing that baggy sweatshirt!” Sigh. Might as well go the extra 1% and put her in designed clothes, since apparently the only reason she was hired was to be eye candy.
April 17th, 2008 at 9:57 am–Comment Moved To Juno Script Thread by Moderator–
April 19th, 2008 at 9:19 amThis is hilarious and great.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:22 amMatt, you want a Script for Snakes on a Plane? Here it is:
FADE IN: Some studio set up to look like an airplane
SOME GUY brings SNAKES onto a PLANE. Predictably, they are SET LOOSE.
SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON says the line that Internet nerds have been MASTURBATING over for months.
Other stuff HAPPENS, but most of it is SHIT.
SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON swears again!
Eventually, the CGI SNAKES are killed, probably because the SFX Artists realised what they were working on.
END.
April 27th, 2008 at 6:08 pmHOW DID THAT RETARD WIN SO MUCH???!?
April 30th, 2008 at 6:18 pmI love all your scripts because they make me laugh, but I love the logics in this one, particularly…
“What? Card counting only increases your odds 1 or 2%. This isn’t magic, it’s math.”
and
“I dunno, why is this movie taking place in present day even though the real-life events it is based on happened in the 90’s, before casinos starting reshuffling the deck between every hand and completely obliterating any advantage card-counting affords? Some things are just mysteries.”
Great job, didn’t even see this movie and I still laughed.
May 5th, 2008 at 11:06 amEven if he did get accepted into med school and had the 300k from casino winnings to pay for it, wouldn’t the IRS come after him like, “hey Jim, we noticed you’ve been paying for school all on your own…how can you pay this much when your income doesn’t even match the tuition? Where are you getting this money?”
May 5th, 2008 at 7:54 pmSince when is square rooting ’simple math’?
May 5th, 2008 at 8:46 pmSimple and easy are two different things.
May 8th, 2008 at 7:30 pm