Fight Club: The Abridged Script
By Rod | Oct 20th, 1999 |
20 Comments
| Movie: 
FADE IN:
INT. DARK, GRITTY-LOOKING OFFICE
EDWARD NORTON is yet another protaganist that works in an office. His face is not yet destroyed.
BOSS
I suck.
EDWARD NORTON
God I hate life. I can’t sleep or eat or fuck or anything.
EDWARD goes to some support groups.
INT. DARK, GRITTY-LOOKING SUPPORT GROUP
He meets MEAT LOAF.
EDWARD NORTON
Nice tits, Loaf.
MEAT LOAF
Dammit, this appearance was a mistake. Now people are not going to take me seriously as an actor or musician. Er, wait..
HELENA BONHAM CARTER
I’m horny. And majorly fucked up in the head.
EDWARD NORTON
We’re perfect for each other.
INT. DARK, GRITTY-LOOKING ABANDONED HOUSE OF BRAD PITT
BRAD PITT
I hate being simply a consumer. I feel like revolting against my role.
EDWARD NORTON
Let’s smoke a shitload of pot.
KEVIN SPACEY
I just did that when I revolted against my role. Pick something else.
BRAD PITT
Wait, I have an idea.
BRAD kicks EDWARD in the nuts.
EDWARD NORTON
THAT WAS FUCKING GREAT!
They beat the holy hell out of each other. Others join in. The AUDIENCE is drenched with testosterone.
AUDIENCE
HELL YES! FUCKIN RIGHT! VIOLENCE! BLOOD! GOD DAMN YES!!!
BRAD PITT starts FUCKING THE HELL out of HELENA!
AUDIENCE
GOD FUCKING HELL YEAH!!!
(tears apart clothes)
ROAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!!
DIRECTOR DAVID FINCHER
Wait wait, notice the subtle dark satire. I’m cleverly showing that consumerism and conformit–
AUDIENCE
SHUT UP!! ROARR!!
(rips Fincher in half)
WHERE ARE SOME FUCKING GUNS?! I WANNA JOIN A FIGHT CLUB RIGHT FUCKING NOW! WHERE DO I SIGN UP AND HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?!
EDWARD NORTON
You people are totally missing the point here.
BRAD PITT
And it’s a damn good thing, too. You think this movie had any shot at being number one without featuring my abs and massive amounts of violence?
EDWARD NORTON
Good point.
He smacks PITT in the face.
EDWARD NORTON
Time to Beat Joe Black…
HELENA BONHAM CARTER
Wait! It’s been a while since a female of any sort has had any screen time. Here I am.
EDWARD NORTON
Oh, hey. I guess I could empty my cum into you. Need to unload somewhere…
BRAD PITT
Lemme put my sex into her once yer done.
FUCKING happens. HELENA, having performed her duty as the sex trash-can, leaves. The fighting continues.
SUDDENLY, something happens which makes the AUDIENCE need to rethink the entire film.
AUDIENCE
Wait a minute..shit, now I have to see the movie a second time.
FINCHER’S UPPER BODY
Yes, yes, see it again. Spend, spend, spend! Ha ha ha!
END
you r so fucking awesome!
August 4th, 2007 at 5:33 amThis script is almost as awesome as the movie.
April 19th, 2008 at 7:08 pmThis is even more awesome than the movie.
August 12th, 2008 at 8:28 amYeah, pretty much. I spent the first 95% of the film trying to figure out why the fuck this movie even was.
Then it all got twisted, and it turns out it’s deep?! Holy hell, time to watch again and actually pay attention, it seems!
Yes, that’s exactly how it happened.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:19 pmOh sigh, one of like 6 movies Brad was in where he actually was a good actor (and no Se7en is not on my list because saying FUCK every 5 seconds because you’re retarded doesn’t make you a good actor, it makes you a whiny bitch)
October 1st, 2008 at 4:04 pm“You think this movie had any shot at being number one without featuring my abs and massive amounts of violence?”
Hahah, love both the movie and this. :]
December 1st, 2008 at 5:29 pmNot bad..im just not a fan of this..i personally liked fight club. for the message…
February 5th, 2009 at 4:49 am” the audience is drenched in testoterone.”
March 24th, 2009 at 10:47 pmAnytime I see a Palahniuk in a bookstore, I relocate it generally to the gardening section where no one who is interested will ever FIND IT YES. It takes awhile at most major stores, but good golly, is it worth it.
April 4th, 2009 at 9:16 pmThis is bull. Fight club was a great movie, and not the right one to put on this website. There is something you obviously don’t know about. it’s called SYMBOLISM. fucking look it up and try writing something that actually has some talent behind it.
June 16th, 2009 at 9:44 pmyeah cyruleanide in case you haven’t quite figured it out, in the world of satire the satirist gets to do what he likes and to mock whoever and whatever he wants
June 21st, 2009 at 10:47 amSee Also: South Park
See Also: Sacha Baron Cohen
etc.Go make your shrine to Palahniuk and worship him and his symbolism. Nice script and well written man.
You're an idiot, and you are the very reason everyone hates Fight Club fanboys.
July 14th, 2009 at 3:41 am"BRAD kicks EDWARD in the nuts.
EDWARD NORTON
THAT WAS FUCKING GREAT!"
lololol. oh lord, rod you are good at what you do.
July 28th, 2009 at 9:42 pmAlls fair in love and war. Also making fun of movies.
July 28th, 2009 at 9:43 pmdude they're kidding around man fight club was a great movie but this is still funny as shit
September 24th, 2009 at 9:30 pmjesus dude, I love fight club too, and everything it stands for but get a sense of humour…
December 4th, 2009 at 3:21 pmDon't have an embolism over symbolism…
December 9th, 2009 at 4:33 am"nice tits, loaf."
December 14th, 2009 at 11:47 pmcracked me up
This is hysterical.
"BRAD kicks EDWARD in the nuts.
EDWARD NORTON
THAT WAS FUCKING GREAT!"
Yeah. That's basically what happens. XD
June 26th, 2010 at 2:43 amFINCHER’S UPPER BODY
Yes, yes, see it again. Spend, spend, spend! Ha ha ha!
………….excellent
August 27th, 2010 at 5:36 am